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In Their Own Words
Dwight Slater,
Stanford Football
By Cyd
Zeigler Jr.
Dwight Slater was a red shirt freshman
at Stanford in 1998 when he decided to tell his head coach, Tyrone
Willingham (now the head coach at Notre Dame) that he was gay.
Since then, he has left the football team and has spoken on an NCAA
panel on homophobia. Dwight took time out of his schedule in
Mexico, where he is studying abroad, to answer some of our questions.
What position did you play? What kind of playing time did you get at Stanford?
I played guard and center at Stanford. I only played my freshman season and was red-shirted, therefore, I did not get any playing time.
Where did you play high school football?
I played football in Miami, FL. At Miami Southridge Sr. High, one of the better programs in the country at that time.
In high school, what accolades did you receive?
In high school I was All-County, All-State, both first team. I also received All-America honorable mention and recognition.
What year did you start at Stanford?
I started the 98-99 school year.
How long have you known you were gay?
In high school, I figured that I was at least bi. Didn't think about it before then. Then the summer before I arrived at Stanford, I realized
that I was no longer bi, but gay.
Why did you decided to come out to your team at Stanford?
There was no specific event that prompted me to come out the team. It was a culmination of homophobic conversations that I overheard. I began to feel cornered and became very depressed. I felt almost forced to come out. I just couldn't keep it to myself.
How did you come out to the team?
I told people who I felt would be sympathetic first. And they were for the most part. Later, there was an event in my freshman dorm, called Crossing The Line. In this event, they put a long piece of tape on the ground and ask a series of questions. If the question pertained to you, you crossed the line. I had heard beforehand that there were a few queer questions and decided this would be the way that I would come out. There were two other football players in my dorm. They actually took it pretty well originally, but within the next two days, the entire team knew.
How was it received by other players? By coaches? By the administration?
I told my head coach [Tyrone Willingham] first. I sat in his office for at least 15 minutes in silence trying to muster the courage to just come right out and say it. He waited patiently for me. Then I just said it. "I'm gay". He sat there for a second, then asked, "Well, are you sure?" And I answered yes. Then from there is where it all started to go down hill. He handled my situation like any typical coach would. When faced with a problem, coaches make a game plan and want it followed through, no questions. He told me, first, go home and tell your family. Next, we will figure out how you will tell the team. Then we will get you back to practicing. Well, I couldn't see myself going home and telling my extremely pious and righteous family just like that. I had the biggest problem with telling them because I knew they wouldn't take it well (they didn't incidentally). He tried to force me to tell them before I was ready. He then told all the other coaches which I felt was a violation. The coach that recruited me thought he could help me hurry this process along by calling my dad and telling him that I was having a hard time and that there was something that I needed to tell him. So my family was really worried about me and ready to get on a plane to come and get me. So I broke down and told my sisters. I never got the chance to tell my dad because one of the players told his mom, and his mom, who knew my father, called my father and told him. I'm still very upset with her. Shortly thereafter, I left the team.
Do you think the fact that you are black played a role in the way Willingham, or other players, reacted to you coming out?
No, I don't really think so. Willingham did liken my his experience to how mine would be if I continued on the team. He said as a black man when he played he had to work hard to show that he was capable on the field and in the classroom. He had to work to disprove everyone's prejudices. He said that I would have to do the same thing.
Was homosexuality ever discussed openly on the team? Conversely, how often did you hear terms like "faggot" and "sissy"?
Those two words weren't used with frequency but I did hear them. But there were several conversations that I overheard that made me uncomfortable. For example, "What would you do if your roommate were gay?" "I would move out" "I would kill him if he touched me"; "There is no such thing as bisexuality. Either you suck **** or you don't;" there were comments about orgies and the like occurring at the LGBT Center on campus. There were also running jokes about 3 or so guys on the team. Everyone contended that they were gay. They actually are not.
Why did you stop playing?
I left because, each time I heard one of these conversations, I marked another group of individuals as insensitive and people with whom I can be comfortable. By the end of that season I didn't have anyone that I could call a friend. I was very lonely and depressed. Then the coaches wanted to force me to tell my family, then told all the other coaches, my dad found out with me telling him. The attitudes of some of the guys clearly changed and I didn't want to be involved anymore. I had to go.
Did Coach Willingham ever talk with you after you left the team about you being gay, or about how he handled the situation?
Nope. Not one conversation. This is partially my fault because I never outright told him that it was his pressure that made me want to leave the team. I wanted to do it before all of these panels and interviews started but just never got around to it.
What has occupied your time since leaving the team?
Well, I'm finishing at Stanford this June. (Finally!!!) I helped to start BlaQS (Black and Queer at Stanford). My studies, music (I'm a
bassoon player), other organizations, and of course, I had to work because I lost my scholarship after I left the team.
Are you a fan of football? Of any other sports?
Yes, I still like football very much. Mostly college. I'm still a big Stanford fan. Hard not to be. I also like, basketball, tennis, figure skating, diving, gymnastics (of course) =)
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