The latest in what is becoming a mini-trend -- closeted jocks blogging -- has a new and worthy entrant, One in Eleven, Thoughts of a Gay Footballer Exposed. That's football, as in soccer. The author, Craig, is a semipro soccer player in England, who has hopes of one day turning pro. His writing is both funny and poignant.
What I like most about One in Eleven is that Craig makes me laugh. He has a good sense of the absurd, which helps given his bizarre upbringing in what basically was a religious cult. I guess it was either develop a sense of humor or go crazy. Here is a bit about Craig's really, really strange upbringing:
I am the third oldest in a family of seven. My parents joined a christian commune when my eldest sister was one. This commune leads a back to basics lifestyle in many ways similar to the amish. They make a living from their large business and share everything. None of their posessions are private property and noone earns a salary instead everything is shared. ... f you visited one of these communes you would probably think it was an amazing, happy lifestyle. They are very welcoming to visitors and work very hard on public relations but there is a darker side which you only realise when you live there.
It goes on in great detail that made me cringe at anyone forced to live like that. Craig's family moved to the U.S. for a while (it's where he became a Green Bay Packers fan). It's also where he discovered he was gay and where he also rebelled against his commune lifestyle and eventually set out on his own.
As I said, Craig is a funny writer. Here is how he describes himself:
- 22 years old
- Play striker or on the wing.
- 10 inch schlong.... Not but everyone else lies on the internet so I will to.
Craig hopes to move up from semipro to the Premier League, but says his chances aren't very good, mainly owing to his late start in soccer. His last several posts have focused on him trying to find a job before he heads to be a camp counselor this summer. He landed a slot as a mortgage rep for a bank, which sounds like one of those boring telemarketing-type jobs, but out of which he manages to craft a gem:
I get the feeling this may be my most boring job ever and thats after one day. I had one on one training today and could not keep my mind on what the guy was saying.
buy to let.....repossession.......hmm would I fuck that hot guy sitting in the corner?...........two main types of mor........I totally would......make sure you go through data protec.......Woah he's actually really hot, I wonder if he's gay?...........you will be monitored on ......... every three weeks........ If you need to book holida.......hm he has an earing thats supposed to be gay right?....
He's already developed a mini-crush on Joshua, a coworker, and lays out the scenario for what will happen next:
Will Craig and Joshua fall in love? (13%)
Will Craig turn straight and get a BJ from one of the flirty girls in the loo? (.5%)
Will Craig slip on a banana peel on the way to work tomorow, break his neck and never blog again? (.5%)
or will Craig be a coward, stay deep in the closet and never confess his sexuality to Joshua? (86%)
Ah, yes, the closet. Craig is deep inside and has no plans to come out anytime soon (because of soccer and because of his family). But it does drive him to torment, as in this beautifully written segment:
So what do you do when you see a ridiculously cute guy on the bus? I saw him as I got on and almost forgot to show the driver my ticket. He was exactly my type, black hair, an angelic face, and athletic body, he gave me a beautiful smile as I sat across from him. I couldn't stop stealing glances at him and each time I did he was smiling back at me.
So what did I do?
Got off at my stop, without saying anything to him. This is what the closet does to me. I don't know what to do. Some days I feel like my youth is slipping away from me and I'm missing so many opportunities. On the other hand I know my life would be hell if I came out now and I don't know if I'd be able to handle it.
Being in the closet is ok until you realise what your missing, and that happened big time today. Someday soon everyone will know and I'll be free at last.
As my favorite NFL player Chad "ochocinco" Johnson said...
“It is better to be hated for who you are, than to be loved for someone you are not.”
I could go on since he is such a talented writer and touches on a lot of areas, sports-related and not. It's a rare man who can make a post about food and his love of ketchup interesting. I have become a fan and hope he keeps writing and finds what he is looking for in life.
Disclaimer: As in all these stories about blogs by closeted jocks, I do not know who Craig is. But I have exchanged enough e-mails with him to believe that his story rings true.
Related: The other closeted jock blogs we have written about: