When I told a friend I was going to review the uniforms worn by countries at the Sochi Winter Olympics Opening Ceremony he said, "but you have no fashion sense." True, but I do have two eyes and know what I like. I saw mostly hits this year since a lot of winter wear looks pretty cool. Here is a review (click on image for a larger view):
USA: Miss. Patriotic vomit, by Ralph Lauren
Russian Dancers: Huge hit for a whole lot of reasons. They look like Beyonce's backup dancers.
Belarus: Mostly miss. Did they write the country name on the pants so they didn't accidentally wear Estonia's by mistake?
Brazil: Miss. Pretty boring. But most Brazilian jocks look better without clothes.
Britain: Miss. A sea of Michelin Men.
Canada: Hit. Stylish, colorful, classy.
Bear: Miss. Kids watching will never look at their teddys the same way again.
France: Hit. Love the khakis and the sneakers. The French can pull this stuff off.
Germany: Big hit. A sea of rainbows. Take that, Putin!
Iran: Hit. The color scheme is very Seattle Seahawks.
Israel: Mostly miss. They look like they're ready to jog in Central Park.
Japan: Mostly hit. A spare, clean look.
Norway: Mostly hit. The blue pastel pants somehow work here.
Poland: Mostly miss. The pants and jacket combo has too much of a Stay-Puf look.
Russia: Miss. PETA won't approve of the furs and the overall look is a Nutcracker production circa 1978.
Serbia: Hit. Love the scarves and color combo. I'd wear that.
Slovenia: Semi-miss. Not a fan of the gummi bear colors, but what's inside looks tasty.
Sweden: Miss. I don't think Team Sweden in any sport could look bad.
Switzerland: Hit. The Big Red Machine lives!
Photos by USA TODAY and Getty Images.