FanPost

Coming out as a bi male in pro sports

Tom Daley first said he fancied women as well as meni before coming out as a gay man - Clive Rose




I wanted to bring up a topic that I feel like is not brought up often: the potential for a male professional athlete to come out as bisexual. I know that Tom Daley initially did not label himself when he announced that he was in love with a man, but has since come out as gay and I was wondering if there may be examples of professional male athletes coming out as bisexual and continuing to live as such (by that I mean not later coming out as gay or considering themselves straight, etc.).

I think there is a lot of stigma in society at-large and the LGBT community about bisexual individuals, especially men. There is often the idea that bisexual people don't really exist, that they're only one step out of the closet and will eventually come out fully, or are just straight guys in a "phase" or getting attention. I admit that I am someone who has contributed to this stigma because I initially came out as bi and promised everyone around me that I was truly bi when I knew in my heart that I wasn't but I was only able to accept that I was into guys, not that I was only into guys.

Since then, I have come out as gay, but I do feel a sense of guilt for creating this mentality that bi people (specifically guys) don't exist when I truly believe they do and studies such as a NY Times study within the last 2 years found that there are just as many truly bisexual guys as there are gay guys, though some people believe that there is a larger spectrum at play.

Anyway, I was kind of wondering what people think about the stigma attached to bisexual males. Do you think this stigma is preventing some male professional athletes who are bi from coming out?

There is also the thought among these athletes and other bi males in society of whether there is the real need to come out because they think they can get by fine in life by just living through their attraction to women even though I really believe that people will be the happiest when they can be 100% themselves.

Also, do you think that if a male professional athlete were to come out as bisexual, there would be a harsher reaction within society, the locker room, etc. than when a professional athlete comes out as gay? I think in many ways there might be a less welcoming reaction due to the stigma attached. Among the straight community, they may use words such as "phase," "promiscuous," or "one step out of the closet."

When it comes to the LGBT community, I know of a number of gay guys who truly don't believe that bisexuality exists, especially when it comes to bisexuality for men despite research that suggests otherwise. I know that when I had initially come out as bi, there was a lot of skepticism given to me by both the straight and gay communities and I definitely specifically felt judged by the gay community who in many ways excluded me and made me feel like an outcast. With all that said, can a male professional athlete come out as bisexual and be welcomed in this day and age or do you think more time is needed for bisexuality, especially among males, to be accepted in society prior to that happening?

P.S. I'm bringing this topic up due to personal experiences, one of which was me initially coming out as bisexual and not feeling as though I was accepted by the straight and gay communities as much as when I later came out as gay. But I do want to STRESS, I DO BELIEVE in bisexuality and feel bad for adding to that stigma.

And secondly, I'm bringing this up because I do actually know two major male closeted pro athletes who are bisexual. I know that as a fact so I don't want to hear that they may really be gay. I know they're bisexual for several reasons. I am not going to name these athletes obviously, but from speaking with one of them pretty frequently, I know that he has not concluded that coming out as bi is fully necessary considering he does well with girls and is planning on marrying a woman and does not feel as if the fallout from coming out would be worth it considering he feels happy living his life going for women. Also, he is actually out to a few people including one of his ex girlfriends who he considers a very close friend of his. Is the stigma worth coming out as a bi man at this point?

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