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Other Randy Boyd Columns:
Gay
Boys Can Play
Love,
Divorce and Basketball
Bling,
Bling
End
of a Knightmare
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Randy Boyd is a professional writer who, if given the choice of going out with Wilt, Jordan, Shaq or
Kobe, based on looks alone, would choose…Jordan
Check out Randy’s books.
Wilt the Stilt and Air Jordan:
Together Again For The Very First Time
By Randy
Boyd
 So that’s why the Oregon State Beavers are now a BCS powerhouse. Mix one brilliant but shady-dealing
coach with several thug athletes, add a cup of old school, Oakland Raider swagger and a dash of
unsportsmanlike penalties, simmer for one year, and presto! National TV
now … NCAA investigations a
couple of years from now.
Oh, wait, sorry, this is ballin’, not bowlin’.
My bad. Let’s ball.
The talk in the exclusive celebrity halftime lounge at Staples Center—or as we here at Ballin’ HQ like to
call it, the Office Center—is that Kobe and Shaquille are fighting again. Those boys. Seems Shaq Daddy
is displeased with Bryant’s taking over the team by taking too many shots. After all, only one of them can
be league MVP. In theory. There’s even allegations of secret hand signals by Shaq which let the Laker
supporting cast know when Shaq has had enough of Kobe’s antics and thus it’s time to stop giving Bryant
the damn ball.
True? Maybe, even if only in less dramatic variation. The hand signal thing is strictly Hollywood hype,
but there’s bound to be some shock in the Laker locker room that the rest of the league isn’t just handing
them their second title. Who would have thought they’d be chasing Sacramento this far into the season?
And you’d better believe that, in the back of their minds, LA is conscious of the daunting prospect of
facing the Kings in a seven-game series with four games at Arco Arena, the undisputed loudest gym and
best home court in the NBA, (the Lakers were winless and hapless in the playoffs there last year).
And Portland, though playing in fits and starts, has battled LA well, even if Dale Davis and Shawn Kemp
are not—to paraphrase a term very hot Road Ruler Theo used—sacking up.
So it’s a dogfight for LA. And the Lakers and their fans are still waiting for the kind of invincible run they
had this time last year.
Recently, Phil Jackson made the analogy that the team’s superstar overdose and resulting problems are
similar to having Wilt Chamberlain and Michael Jordan on the same squad. After all, how do you coach
two all-time greats, each of who really merely needs good role players to round out the lineup?
If Phil is right, are we to compare Shaq with Wilt and Kobe with Michael? Both O’Neal and
Chamberlain shot free throws with the accuracy of West Palm Beach voters punching ballot chads. And much of the
time, it seems as though Kobe spent his youth in Italy studying tapes of Air Jordan with the expressed
purpose of mimicking Michael’s facial statements, Michael’s tone of voice, Michael’s hand on his hip,
Michael’s disgust at the refs when a call doesn’t go his way.
And Shaq sounds like Wilt when he brags and boasts about being unstoppable. But Wilt was talking about on the court and off, whereas Shaquille is
a nice young man, capable of starring in awful kids movies. Wilt’s movies would be strictly Spice
Channel material, and even then they’d come with a warning label. And more and more Kobe is taking
over the end of games like Jordan, having come a long way from those air balls that ended the Laker
season in that playoff game at Utah a few years back.
So yes, this probably is as close as we’ll get to seeing two players as dominant as Wilt and Michael on
the same team, with both men at their peak. But to truly make the analogy, Shaq and Kobe will need many,
many more rings between them. And to do that, they might need do away with the hand signals and agree to
take turns being King Of The World.
HOOP HOTTIE OF THE WEEK:
 Mitch Richmond. Dude has played for some serious underachieving
teams in his day, and none more serious than his current team, the Jordan Wizards. But make no mistake,
he can ball and he is a stud. At 6’5”, 220, the former K-State Wildcat has enough height and meat to go
around, plus he sports one of the NBA’s nicest shaved heads and a smile that’s manly and friendly at the
same time (try pulling that one off). Memo to Michael: Please trade him to a team NBC and TNT care
about.
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