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Other Randy Boyd Columns:
NBA All-Star Weekend

Why Teams Choke

Gay Hoop Dreamin'

Wilt and Air together at last

Gay Boys Can Play

Love, Divorce and Basketball

Bling, Bling

End of a Knightmare

Randy Boyd is the author behind two award nominated gay books and the buttman behind the www.buttmenfunzone.com, where you can vote for your favorite celebrity asses and win a free copy of the upcoming book “Buttmen.”  You can also e-mail Randy. 

Let's Speculate Some More on the NBA 

By Randy Boyd

Last time, Ballin’ told the world who might be gay in the NBA in a column purely based on speculation and solely for entertainment. 

It was just for kicks, right? No harm, no foul. 

So why did the column receive more e-mail than any other Ballin’, all of it from other gay hoop fans with their own nominees for the list? 

Simple: nothing stirs the imagination, loins and souls of us gay jock dudes and athletic supporters than the idea of breaking down the world’s biggest myth: that homos can’t punt, pass, kick. Or dribble-drive, do a 360, then slam dunk. Or knock one over the Green Monster with the bases loaded. 

Most everyone reading this knows that’s a bunch of bull and also knows that some of the men we see doing all the above also like to do what we do in bed. With other men. We just wish the world knew it so it could lighten up and find something else to be paranoid about. Because let’s face it, if guys like MJ, Tiger Woods, Big Mac or Troy Aikmen came out in full force … the world would have to change. Forever. 

So, gay hoop fans wrote in en masse after the last NBA All-Gay list. And it is with great pleasure that we present some of your suggestions and nominees for the All-Gay second team. After all, no there is no “I” in team, just 10-15 guys in the showers after the game. 

  1. AC Green. Dude’s like going on 50 and been a virgin for life. Is this even biologically possible? Would you even want to try it and find out?
  1. Ray Allen. The fact that he has a big attitude when it comes to my Indiana Pacers has nothing to do with him being on the list.
  1. Kevin Johnson. One Ballin’ fan claims KJ is fascinated by poetry and acts a little sweet during the Turner studio show. Come on, guys, not all gay men like poetry. (then again, do any straight men like poetry?).
  1. Charles Oakley. A rumor here. A whisper there. Don’t underestimate the power of a flamboyant outfit or three and some very colorful hairdos.
  1. Michael Cage. One gay hoop fan claims the tall and very dark big man with jheri curls used to hang out in West Hollywood in search of West Hollywoodites. Hmmm.
  1. John Amaechi. Could be that the Nigerian-Brit just operates on a different planet? But then again, that explanation for his atypical behavior wouldn’t be any fun now would it?
  1. Christian Laettner. Holds the distinction of being one of only a handful of guys who’s had to address rumors about his sexual orientation in a Sports Illustrated story. Is this the real (and subtle) reason he gets under Joe Fan’s skin?
  1. Dominique Wilkins. If you were Oliver Stone doing ``Any Given Night: The NBA Story,'' and you wanted to cast a smooth-operating, handsome black athlete as The Gay Pro Baller, the Human Highlight would be make final callbacks.
  1. Tim Duncan. Not exactly the visual poster child we want representing us, but hey, we wouldn’t kick him out of the club, would we?
  1. Shaq. One fan claims Big Daddy is often surrounded by ``admirers.'' All we have to say is, I hope they have insurance.

HOOP HOTTIE OF THE WEEK: Tracy McGrady. Orlando Magic. 6’8”, 210. Hey, he’s legal. Granted, just barely. But if you’re old enough to play in the NBA, you’re old enough to bounce around in bed with those gangly, late-adolescent limbs flopping around like a over-excited giraffe. Anyone up for being zookeeper? 


Can’t get enough Randy? Check out his column that goes Under the Bleachers on straightacting.com.