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Other Randy Boyd Columns:
NBA
Speculation Part II
NBA Speculation
Part I
NBA
All-Star Weekend
Why
Teams Choke
Gay
Hoop Dreamin'
Wilt
and Air together at last
Gay
Boys Can Play
Love,
Divorce and Basketball
Bling,
Bling
End
of a Knightmare
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Randy Boyd is the author of
two best selling gay books and creator of the
www.buttmenfunzone.com,
where you can vote for your favorite celebrity butts and win a free copy of this summer’s hot ass book
“Buttmen.” You can also e-mail Randy.
Notes from Shaq and Kobe’s Second Championship Season
By Randy
Boyd
 By
midsummer, the only score that will matter in the NBA will be Michael 6, Phil 8, Shaq and Kobe 2.
Reason No. 1: Dallas Maverick Juwan Howard (paid off by
Jack Nicholson?) did a Rambo on San Antonio standout Derek
Anderson, separating the guard’s upper body from its sockets and ending the Spurs’ chance to BEAT LA,
BEAT LA, BEAT LA.
Reason No. 2: When it comes to putting on and running the show,
Phil Jackson is up there with PT Barnum and ``Survivor'' creator
Mark Burnett. All three of these men were and are masters of creating the perfect amount of
drama, hype, distraction and subterfuge on the way to glory, greatness and spectacle (Jackson got all that
Shaq/Kobe midseason melodrama from a Young and Restless script left on the floor at Staples Center).
Reason No. 3: After the final buzzer, street riots and downtown parade, Phil will become the subject of “greatest
coach ever” debates, and Shaq and Kobe will become the recipients of
Tiger-Woods-style hero-worship. All this lavish hype and jock supporting will force
Michael Jordan outta retirement once again to reclaim his status as the
God of All Sports …Forever (why do you think they changed the rules recently?).
So, even though we’re still in the midst of the second round (thanks to NBC stretching the schedule out), the
playoffs are essentially over. Unlike the weeks before the finale of Survivor 2, we already know the winner. All
that’s left in the NBA 2001 now is to see how and when everyone else gets voted off.
The last team standing at tribal council with the Lakers? That’s easy: Philly. Get real, Raptor fans. Toronto is not
ready for greatness. Neither are the Sixers for that matter, but Allen is at the top of his game and so is
Mutumbo. Plus, now that Indiana, Miami and New York have all failed to advance or even battle with each other in the
playoffs, there’s only one beast in the East and his name is Pat
Croce (just once, wouldn’t it be nice for one of these owners to actually be easy on the eyes. Why don’t
Dean Cain and Shemar Moore buy a team and act all crazy
at the games?).
If the Sixers crash and burn, look for Milwaukee to step up. Of course, that means more mugging from oh, so not
handsome George Karl (why can’t coaches look like ``Third Watch'' star
Eddie Cibrian?).
Out West, Sacramento lost their shot at being something special when they lost to Dallas at home just before the end
of the regular season and dropped out of the top spot in the Pacific. Had they won home court, they would’ve,
could’ve, should’ve BEAT LA, BEAT LA, BEAT LA. Now, they’ll just put up a nice little fight, then go back to
being Sacramento.
Good luck C-Webb in your new city next year. Maybe you’ll get lucky and play in the East, where you’ll see more
of that new guy on the Wizards …you know, what’s his name…Mike.
 HOOP HOTTIE OF THE WEEK:
Doug Christie. Sacramento. This is a guy who went from being cute at
Pepperdine, to not-so-cute most of his NBA career to definitely datable now. Part of it has to do with his game on
the court. Dude keeps elevating and elevating to the point of being a major must-have asset in the talent, guts and
energy dept. If his joie de vivre off the court is anything like his game, bring it on!
Can’t get enough Randy? Check out
his column that goes Under
the Bleachers on straightacting.com.
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