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Randy Boyd is the author
of the suspense thriller, The Devil Inside, coming to
bookstores this April. To read an excerpt, send a blank email to devil@westbeachbooks.com.
Randy promises you won’t be put on any mailing list, but you will
receive an Adobe PDF copy of Chapter One, featuring a very strange and
bizarre ending to the chapter.
Hack This
We’re not admitting to being computer hackers here at Ballin’ headquarters, but we have been able to “peek” into some of the NBA’s private hard drives (btw: Wally Szczerbiak has a very big hard drive), and in this installment of our hoop gabfest, we bring to you league emails that were never meant for public consumption: San Antonio Spurs inner office e-mail: Is it too late for us to get to New Orleans before Charlotte? Once there, we could change our nickname, team colors, get rid of the admiral and give Tim Duncan a makeover worthy of a witness protection program, complete with facial reconstruction. Because then, and only then will this franchise have a shot at beating the Lakers. Chicago Jerry to Chicago Jerry (unclear which is which): Is the old guy on our team still the subject of inner, inner circle gay rumors? If so, maybe we need to have him make some hetero-ape comments like that Steelers quarterback Kordell Stewart. Seemed to work for him. E-mail from Kobe Bryant to the Bulls’ Brad Miller: Nice work, big lug. Playing without the Big Sasquach—or whatever he’s calling himself this week—was like a three-day vacation. Was able to top Jordan’s season high. Check’s in the mail. Or did we agree on cash? New Jersey Net inner office message board posting: Are we for real? New Jersey Net inner office message board response: Stop kidding around, Van Horn. Unsent, deleted email from Hornets top brass to the city of Charlotte: Screw U.
E-mail from Kenny Anderson to C-Webb: Bad idea, man, bad, bad idea. Instant Message from the Warriors’ Danny Fortson to unidentified Charlotte Hornet: Great. Now that the Raiders got cheated out of the playoffs, this town will really be so not in the mood for bottom-feeders like us.
E-mail from NBA security office: Some handsome black writer of an upcoming novel called The Devil Inside seems to be tapping into our network. Better send someone out on the case. Ballin’s special Hacker Alert software: Control, alt, delete. Now! More Randy, more sports: Under the Bleachers at straightacting.com. Randy's Outsports archive Jan. 22, 2002 |
By
Palm
Pilot email from Chris Webber, who was partying
in Oakland at the time, to rest of Sacramento Kings: Bros—I
don’t care how tired we are, we must keep it up and win, win, win.
And win some more. Because if we don’t take advantage of the
Lakers’ boredom right now and get far enough ahead of their asses so
that we can steal home court advantage in the playoffs, we may as well
move to San Antonio and call ourselves the Spurs. 
Instant
Message response from unidentified Charlotte Hornet: Oooo, don’t
get me started on the Raiders. That Coach Gruden is one
hot man! Wonder if I could interest him in going to the next NBA
function I take a white man to as my date?