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Randy Boyd’s new suspense thriller, The Devil
Inside, debuts in April. Mario Cervantes is an athletic stud, a former
superstar athlete in high school now in his 30s. He’s still gorgeous, masculine and adorable. But is he caught up in a
bizarre and twisted world that could become the gay community’s worst nightmare? Is he a dream lover or date
from hell? You have 72 hours to figure it out … go!
Kiss Off the Glass and Don’t Make Up
Kobe Bryant and Reggie Miller do battle in the Staples Center. After the final buzzer of the scheduled basketball game between the Lakers and Pacers. If you look at the tape, Miller appears to taunt the superstar guard of the victorious Lakers, prompting Kobe to go off, apparently auditioning for the new Fox series: “When Shooting Guards Attack!” A melee worthy of the NHL breaks out. Both players’ teammates get involved. Jack Nicholson is wishing he brought his golf clubs to the game. Fans who left midway through the fourth quarter are sitting in traffic cursing themselves for their early departures. Fortunately, no one was seriously hurt and everyone left the arena with their ears intact. But what could Reggie have said that made Kobe go so Spreewell all of the sudden? Kobe isn’t saying and, of course, Reggie isn’t gonna let the cat out of the bag (why give away your ammunition when you can save it for next year? Or the finals?). But like a good instigator, Reggie did drop this nice little innuendo to the press: “Kobe has other issues he has to deal with. This had nothing to do with me or the basketball game played on Friday evening.” Bryant’s rebuttal? Picture three Laker girls, one seeing no evil, one hearing no evil and one speaking no evil, which only heightens the speculation factor. Kobe is supposed to be Mr. Cool, Mr. I Can Endorse Anything, Mr. What Grant Hill Could’ve Would’ve Should’ve Been. Bryant’s post game drive-by fisticuffs and his subsequent refusal to apologize to Miller are not what Kobe and his accountants or the league and their accountants needed. And since the audio remains muted to fans everywhere, we’re left to wonder: what did Reggie say? We at Ballin’ aren’t above speculating. Here now, Reggie Miller’s possible fightin’ words to Kobe Bryant. -You’re no Michael. -Nice win, third wheel. -I dare you to hit me, fool. -If that’s your wife, she wasn’t last night. -You’re no Dr. J. -Just like we planned. Ready? -Nice beard. Can I borrow her sometime? -Touch my boy Samaki again and you answer to me! -Next stop: the real beast of the West, Sacramento. -Your hair is whack, man. -Punk. -How’s the medication working? -Whew, man. Don’t you endorse a deodorant? -You’re no Shaq Diesel. -If that’s your boyfriend, he wasn’t last night. -I get Venus this time, you take Serena. -You are the weakest link. -You f’ed up the spread, dummy! -You’re no Kobe Bryant. DISCLAIMER: This column is just a joke. Please, Mr. Bryant, don’t come after me. I’m on your—and Shaq’s—side. More Randy, more sports: Under the Bleachers at straightacting.com. Randy's Outsports archive Feb. 19, 2002 |
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