|
|
|
|
Randy’s
latest,
The Devil Inside, The Suspense Thriller,
has been nominated for this year’s Lambda Literary Awards, making
Randy three for three when it comes to novels published that have been
nominated for Lammys.
More about Randy.
His publishing company is looking for short stories for Men in
Jocks: Stories of Athletes and Sports Nuts.
Details here. Eat My E-Mail
By Randy Boyd
One such fan we’ll call Carol de Blazer. Ms. de B is, you guessed it, a faithfully blind follower of all things Portland. The new red uni’s? She adores ’em. Rasheed Wallace? She’d have him become the new host of Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood. The Blazers chances of ever climbing out of the shadow of the LA Lakers (and Sacramento and Dallas and Utah and Houston)? She’d probably say, “what shadow?” Carol first blazed a trail through our inbox upon reading Ballin’s predictions for this season in a column that had her beloved and beleaguered boys finishing next to last in the Pacific Division. She cried foul. We cried charging. Ever since, the back-and-forth banter-by-email has been at least as interesting as those two (albeit entertaining) dunderheads on ESPN’s Pardon the Interruption. Here now, excerpts from the woofing between Ballin’ and Carol de Blazer: Ballin (Pre-season assessment of Portland): The sad story of a team that was once twelve minutes and a 16 point lead away from the NBA finals …. Carol de B: Tell me, Randy Boyd, did you just put team names in a hat and pull them out to get your order? What changes has Portland made that will put them 2nd to last in the Pacific, ahead of only the Warriors? Improving vastly at the back up point guard position? Bringing back a rested and reasonably healthy Sabonis to back up at center? A coach who, after taking half a season to learn the team, now has the respect of each and every player who all are acknowledging he's in charge? A sensational power forward who is FINALLY growing up and vowing to play and keep off the referees (who at their national meeting actually acknowledged that)? Mr. Boyd, I hope you are prepared to eat your words in April with some really hot salsa. Ballin’: Well, Carol . . . I'm prepared to eat my words AND some really hot salsa if the salsa is a body shot off Blazer forward Dale Davis’s abs. But save the trip to the local grocery store. First off, (I'll start with the easy one), a rested and reasonably healthy Sabonis is as good as a rested and reasonably healthy George Mikan. Just too damned old, battered and bruised. Secondly, I'll believe Rasheed Wallace has grown up when his fines haven't totaled five digits by the all-star break. It’s one thing to promise to be a nice guy in the off-season. It's another to actually be that guy when Rick Fox is using your noggin as a punching bag. Reasons three, four, five and beyond: this franchise had its shot in 2000 and choked. The title train has passed them by and is rolling along just fine without them. Portland still has too much above-average talent and not enough minutes in the game to satisfy everyone, plus an inexperienced coach who's trying to keep up with the likes of Jackson, Adelman and Nelly. Unfortunately for you and Trailing Blazers fans, the future of this team is about as bright as that mutated, alien-looking new Oregon Duck mascot in Eugene. Meanwhile . . . the season rolls on. Okay, Portland is doing much better than a next-to-the-cellar-dwelling team and guess who’s back to make sure Ballin’ is aware of this factoid? Carol de B: I know it's only the halfway point. But I don't want you to forget we have an agreement. I am prepared to make some really hot salsa. Dale Davis, I presume you would say, is hot enough. Or maybe what you meant to say was that only the Clippers would keep the Lakers out of the cellar? Portland is trailing 1st place by 2 1/2 games. Keeping the chips crisp for you. Ballin’: I guarantee u this: the Lakers will have a better record that Portland by season's end and/or will go farther in the playoffs than the Baby Blazers. Plus, Rasheed Wallace will have a huge outburst and disrupt the team's chemistry. Carol de B: Rather than argue, I will save your email until spring. The team can respond. And I will let D.D. know he needs to be prepared to be a salsa platter. BTW, my original message is outdated. Portland is now trailing first place by half a game. Not 2 1/2. I'm saving your messages, with glee. OK if I share them with the team? Serious. I do have a contact there. Not sure how Dale Davis would react! And another thing. I like the red uniforms. Sabonis especially looks like Big Red Menace. Ballin’: That red is Disneyland red. Ain't scaring no one. Will the Carol and her Blazers rise up and wreck havoc in the playoffs, rendering the faces of C-Webb, Mike Bibby, Dirk, Duncan and Kobe Portland’s peculiar shade of scarlet? Will Randy of Ballin’ be forced to choked down fiery shots of salsa as penitence? Will Dale Davis let him? Tune in tomorrow ... or in June or July or whenever the newly expanded NBA playoffs are ending these days to see whose face will be bathed in Blazer scarlet at season’s end. Randy's Outsports archive Feb. 25, 2003 |
Here at
Ballin’ headquarters, we get email. From hoop fans who claim to
know as much, if not more, than those of us ensconced here in the
nerve center of the round ball universe.