|
|
|
|
Randy’s
latest novel,
The Devil Inside, The Suspense Thriller,
has been nominated for this year’s Lambda Literary Awards, making
Randy three-for-three when it comes to novels published that have been
nominated for Lammys.
More about Randy.
His publishing company is looking for short stories for Men in
Jocks: Stories of Athletes and Sports Nuts.
Details here. Notes From the Home Stretch
By Randy Boyd
“Former athlete or not, he does kinda look like a older gay Jewish man.” Oops, sorry ... cut, take two. Some random BASKETBALL topics floating around the water cooler at Ballin’ headquarters: This just in: the NBA’s Eastern Conference has fallen into the Atlantic Ocean. A crack in the tectonic plate was first discovered underneath Conseco Fieldhouse, home of the Indiana Pacers. Ron Artest found out about it, busted up a gillion-dollar camera, committed a flagrant foul against terra firma and the fissure just kept on fissuring. Next thing you know, Detroit and New Jersey are swallowed up in the same abyss and all the alleged beasts of the East are purring like kittens and looking as alive as the Oakland Raiders during the Super Bowl. How bad are things? Recently, conference leading Indiana won only one game in 12 tries. And still held onto first place in the East! What was a three-horse race for the top playoff seed has turned into a six-way battle, thanks to modest runs by New Orleans, Philly and Boston, who are now all suddenly within range of the faltering Pacers, Pistons and Nets. Make no mistake: it’s mediocrity, not parity, that’s bunching up the pack. Not convinced? Consider the following: at press time, New Jersey, Detroit and Indiana were a combined 34-37 against the West, whereas Dallas, Sacramento and San Antonio, the top three teams in the West, were a combined 58-15 versus the East. File this in the You Heard It Here First Department: Way back in mid-December, when the Lakers were battling the Clippers, USC, UCLA and San Diego State for the worst basketball team in Southern California, Ballin’ labeled the purple and gold’s vanishing act a con job (see the column for yourself). That’s right, folks, we were the first to hint at a worst-to-first conspiracy penned in the off-season by Phil Jackson and some of his Hollywood brownnosers. Starting the season like a lamb and finishing like a lion was the only way Coach figured he could keep the boys interested and in pursuit of a title by season’s end. After all, no one can beat the Lake Show when they actually show up and decide to play. In three NBA finals, their opponents won a total of three games. Where’s the fun in another steamrolling? So Zen Master Phil, who has never had a legitimate shot at a four-pete (MJ “retired after both his trifectas), engineered all this. And it’s worked. Now, Kobe is playing as if he’s a man against little boys, Shaq is back to being Shaq and Robert Horry is making miracle buzzard beaters. So how real are they? Phil still needs total convincing. After all, we’re betting it was and still is pretty tempting to dive back underneath the eight seed and put LA’s name on a couple of balls during the lottery drawing. After all, wouldn’t it figure that if they were in the running, the Lakers would “somehow” get the first pick and thereby scoop up LeBron James, the high school sensation alleged to be the next Michael Kobe Jordan Bryant? Remember, the Lakers are the team that traded Vlade Divac, Elden Campbell and some magic beans to Charlotte for an African-America-Italian guy named Kobe. Speaking of LeBron: There’s no truth to the rumor that parking attendants at Cleveland’s Gund Arena have widened a parking space for the high school senior’s Hummer 2, but it sure does seem like the Cavs are tanking it. Lately, Cleveland has put together a string of Indiana slash Detroit slash New Jersey-style losing streaks, and surprise, rookie Dajuan Wagner is injured. Again. As a protest, Denver, which is also in the running for the league’s worst record and most balls in the LeBron lottery, recently lost 14 straight games of its own. As a protest against those two teams, the Clippers fired their coach and hired former Celtic Dennis Johnson, just so the team could use the “getting used to a new coach” excuse for losing the rest of its games. Actually, the best team James could go to might be Memphis, where Jerry West has experience assembling championship teams built around all-world players. Of course, the glamour factor wouldn’t be as high in western Tennessee and the endorsement figures perhaps minus a zero, but the kid will still be richer than most everyone reading this column. Combined. Maybe Fox should give it a try: Or maybe David Stern should get a partial refund. NBC did a much better job of broadcasting and hyping the NBA than new and current partners ABC and ESPN. Surprisingly, the telecasts reek of dullness. The announcers, save Bill Walton, seem purposely tame, the graphics circa five years ago and their choice of games is sometimes mind boggling (the Clippers at Boston? the Clippers at Portland?) With the souped-up way we view football, baseball and even NASCAR, this just ain’t right. Here’s hoping they do a better job with the playoffs, to be won by, yes, that’s right, the Lakers. Randy's Outsports archive March 12, 2003 |
Some random
topics floating around the water cooler at Ballin’
headquarters: