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Randy’s latest novel,
The Devil Inside, The Suspense Thriller,
has been nominated for this year’s Lambda Literary Awards, making
Randy three-for-three when it comes to novels published that have been
nominated for Lammys.
Purple Veils
and Red Jocks, Oh, My:
By Randy Boyd
Atypical Tod: Pennsylvania school teacher-type who says he loves sports and the men that play them. Southern Comforter: self-described down home, mature man who played a year of ball at a college “no one’s heard of” in a time “no one remembers.” Carol de Blazer: fierce lesbian sister from Northern Cal who loves the Trail Blazers but cringes at the idea of being the One Dyke Voice in this column (and whose One Dyke Voice has been heard in previous Ballin’ columns). And now, the latest: Ballin’: Carol de B ... are you over the Blazers loss? Carol de Blazer: Well, the West is so wide open, I can’t help thinking the “might have been” thoughts. If Portland had not bricked 11 free throws in Game 2, losing by 4 points... if Portland had not been without Dale Davis and Derek Anderson in Game 7... But I am still proud of the heart and guts the team showed. Every “expert” predicted sweep. They fought to the end against all odds and have nothing to be ashamed of. And after tying the series in Game 6, for one brief shining moment the Portland Trail Blazers were the country’s sentimental favorite. Ballin’: Southern Comfort ... are you over C Webb being out of the playoffs, first to injury and now to the Kings losing? Southern Comforter: Sorry, can’t talk right now. I’m sobbing with my purple and black veil on right now. Ballin’: Admit it, everybody, for a second, you thought Coach Phil Jackson’s angioplasty was part of his Zen-inspired script to keep the Lakers on point for title #4. Southern Comforter: The man is a drama queen, no doubt, but I’m not sure even he would risk his health. Not a Zen thing, you know. Carol de Blazer: No. Although I did think Chris Webber’s injury was part of Phil Jackson’s deal with the devil. Ballin’: How much did Kobe suck in his last game of the year? Atypical Tod: Kobe sucked a whopper as big as Shaq’s. Did he even play? Southern Comforter: Careful, this might inspire him to run off another three-peat. He’s probably practicing right now. (Does a guy like that ever pay attention to his wife?) Carol de Blazer: Badly. So much for the “best player in the game today”. Ballin’: With C Webb out, did Sacramento have a chance? Atypical Tod: Had a chance, but they were missing that special part Love C. Web!! Southern Comforter: No, no, never, never, unt-unt-un. Carol de Blazer: They may have beaten Dallas, but I couldn’t see them defeating San Antonio. Ballin’: Does anyone deserve the MVP more than Lakers-killer Tim Duncan? Didn’t his dominating performance in closing out LA make him just a little ... dare we say ... sexy? Atypical Tod: Tim Duncan was HOT!! His determination was sexy! Southern Comforter: He even made up for Parker’s bonehead mistakes in the crunch. But sexy? Pul-lease! Carol de Blazer: Sexy he’s not. Just a damn good player who just plays basketball. Ballin’: Would you hire a man that traded the Pistons’ Richard Hamilton away? That’s what Michael Jordan did. Should Michael stick to promoting tagless T-shirts or was bringing Jerry Stackhouse to Washington a good idea? Atypical Tod: Don’t judge the trade too soon. Players play well with different team and Hamilton played well this year but give Stackhouse a chance to produce when he is healthy. Southern Comforter: I wouldn’t question any “gamble” Jordan takes. LOL. Carol de Blazer: Stackhouse may have been a good idea. But a huge contract to Larry Hughes was not. Drafting Kwame Brown #1 was not. Trading Hamilton was not. Jordan is a great, great basketball player. I think there’s still a place for him in the game, but not as a GM. Ballin’: Sacramento King Scott Pollard’s blond hair. Thumps up or down? Southern Comforter: Thumps up for trying. Carol de Blazer: Down, based just on looks. Up, based on my principle that people have the right to do what they want with their personal appearance, even if others including myself don’t dig it. Ballin’: Dallas Maverick Dirk Nowitzki’s shaggy blond mop. Can you suggest a better haircut? Would it help improve his hotitidue? Southern Comforter: Nothing will help that blond Lurch. Carol de Blazer: Blonds just don’t turn me on. Blond men even less. Nothing against Dirk, but he does not register much hotitiude for me. Ballin’: Jimmy Jackson of the Kings has traveled around the league more than a hootchie mama’s phone number. How can a player so good be traded that much? But wouldn’t you like him playing on your team? I’m mean, really, wouldn’t you like him playing on your team? Atypical Tod: He could play checkers for my team!! Southern Comforter: I got a nice red jock JJ could wear anytime. Carol de Blazer: His problem was that he got a reputation as un-coachable.. Rightly or wrongly, that will actually poison a player’s reputation more than getting arrested, even for serious charges. Reportedly, Jackson this year took a look at himself; he’s now 31, he can still play, no one wanted him. He realized he had to make some changes. To his credit, he did and Sacramento and he are both benefiting. Ballin’: What players are shining the most in the playoffs? Atypical Tod: Nowitzki, Van Exel, Hamilton and Prince of the Pistons. Carol de Blazer: Tim Duncan, Ginobili, Van Exel, Tayshaun Prince, Jason Kidd Ballin’: Quick: name three black players on Dallas. Atypical Tod: Hmmm ... let me think?? Southern Comforter: Does Steve Nash count? Carol de Blazer: Michael Finley, Nick Van Exel, Tariq Abdul Wahid. Ballin’: Allen Iverson of the Sixers. Honestly, what goes through you mind when you hear him speak in a press conference? Atypical Tod: He is such a thug, a sexy thug but a thug. How did he get into Georgetown? Carol de Blazer: He’s paid to play basketball. Ballin’: Is it the rising Spring air or is Emanuel Ginobili looking pretty damned good in a Spurs uni? Atypical Tod: Doesn’t everyone look good in a Spurs uniform now? Go Spurs, champs in 2003! Ballin’: Now that LA is out and referees everywhere are safe from Jack Nicholson for at least a few months, who wins the NBA this time around? Atypical Tod: SA. Southern Comforter: Nets are my sentimental fave. So many years in the dumps. And New Jersey! Redundant, I know. Carol de Blazer: Ding dong the witch is dead! Which old witch? The wicked witch. Ding dong the wicked witch is dead! Wake up your sleepy heads, rub your eyes, get out of bed. Wake up, the wicked witch is dead! I’m back to my original pick from last water cooler. San Antonio. Ballin’: Speaking of back, back to work! Randy's Outsports archive May 19, 2003 |
Bye, Bye,
four-peat. We made it through the reign. And there’s still plenty of
balling to talk about, especially around Ballin’ headquarters and our
virtual water cooler. Here now, a look at some of the water cooler
pundits and their latest POVs on the playoffs.