Ballin -- Outsports NBA Column

Talking about taking a long time to come ... around to the ultimate, the zenith, the big slam dunk. But finally, after more than 100 games of sweaty foreplay, someone will get theirs in the form of a big fat ... trophy. Presented by David Stern (if that doesn’t get your mind outta the gutter, nothing will). Will it be Jason and the Nets or Tim and the Spurs making out with the champagne-drenched, big metal ball, much to the dismay of All Things Lakers? Who will win the last title of the post-Kobe, pre-LeBron era? What will ABC do to make the finals look as boring as its telecast of the regular season and the rest of the playoffs? Only time, and hopefully seven more games, will tell, but until then, the Ballin’ Q&A for men who like balls. And basketball.

What’s so special about this years NBA finals?

Unlike the three previous, purple-and-gold-dominated years, either team can win the title. Both are capable of big scoring runs and/or blowing big leads. This won’t be a series where you can switch over to the latest variation of The Bachelor just because one team has a 40-point lead early in the fourth. It’s also the first time two former ABA teams have met in the finals since there actually was an ABA.

Will the games be as interesting without Phil, Shaq, Kobe and Rick Fox of the Lakers?

OK, so there’s likely to be less Hollywood drama on and off the court (fewer emergency surgeries for coaches, probably no celebs challenging the refs), but two of the games biggest artists will be serving up some damned good hoop. Everyone should be as consistent, steady, reliable and fundamentally sound in their job as Tim Duncan is in his. And watching Jason Kidd is like watching an unselfish Kobe without the Jordan II ’tude—in other words, more fun. And yes, Rick Fox fans, there’s plenty of eye candy, too.

Who are the Nets to watch for more than their on-court scoring ability?

Hands down (or is that “ hands on”?) the Most Valuable Hottie in the finals is Rodney Rogers of Jersey. Strong yet tender face. Body of a tall linebacker. Brutha has improved the looks of every team whose presence he’s graced. Stanford’s Jason Collins is another slice o’ beef to admire. Think of him as Shaq’s kid brother and imagine the playful fun in store. And no jock talk about the two-time Eastern Conference champs would be complete without Richard Jefferson’s swarthy good looks. The Nets also have the most datable coach by a landslide in Byron Scott.

What about the Spurs? Don’t they have any lookers?

No. Next question. Actually we’re just kidding. Steve Kerr is certainly more attractive after proving he’s still got it with his brief barrage against Dallas. And Tony Parker may not be as good as Kidd in the point guard dept., but he’s ahead of the former Phoenix Sun/Dallas Maverick in the appearance aisle (Jason being one of those rare cases of interracial spawning that doesn’t work out as nicely as it could. Enigma). Probably the most watchable Spur is Emanuel Ginobili, the emerging hottie from Argentina. Needs just a tad more hair near the forehead though. Just a suggestion.

So who’s the better team, looks-wise?


Richard Jefferson	Emanuel Ginobli	Lucious Harris	Tony Parker	Rodney Rogers

The All Finals team consists of Rogers, Jefferson, Ginobili, Parker and Lucious Harris (anyone with a name like Lucious has got to have it going on down the lane!)

What about the better team, talent-wise?

Jason makes his teammates better and he has better teammates in Kenyon Martin, Jefferson, Collins, and Kerry Kittles. But if the Nets either 1) can’t contain the league’s best player Duncan, or 2) get too caught up in containing him that the other Spurs let loose, the Spurs will be adding a twin to their championship hardware shelf.

OK, enough jabbering. Who wins?

The fans, with an evenly matched finals without a foregone conclusion. And the Spurs, who had to play up to a higher level (in a better conference) to get this far.