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Randy Boyd is
the author of three novels,
Uprising,
about three celebrities plotting a US Senator’s assassination,
Bridge Across the Ocean,
about a friendship between a black gay man and two straight white
teenage jock boys, and
The Devil Inside,
a thriller about as strange and weird as your average hour of Buffy
or Smallville. Big Balls Awards
By Randy Boyd
If only Rodney Rogers would date me. Alas, neither the NBA nor my love life are not built on If Onlys. But the league (and sometimes my love life) are built on big balls. Make that the Big Balls Awards, Ballin’s annual props at season’s end, this year dedicated wholly to what was the most competitive finals in years. The Tiger Woods Dull Personality But Killer Instinct Award: OK, so the most boring tall black actor in Hollywood will have to play Tim Duncan in the ESPN movie of his life story, but the Spurs center is without a doubt The Best in the league. Take note Kobe, Allen, Kevin, and yes, you too, Shaquille. Tim (even the name is less than intimidating!) gets it done and done right. He literally took Game Six of the finals into his own hands, perhaps most effectively and stunningly when he kept swatting away poor New Jersey’s futile attempts to hurl the ball towards the goal. No finger waving needed. The Man just does it the way it’s supposed to be done, then keeps on playing. May he win another handful of championships so we can all start appreciating good work ethic minus unnecessary bravado much, much more. The Best Team in the Playoffs for the First Eight Minutes of Every Quarter Award: So that’s how the Nets looked so good in the East in the regular season, with frenetic bursts of transition-game energy that stunned the Pistons, Celtics and Sixers into giving up before the final buzzer. Unfortunately, the playoffs are about the half court game and defense. And finishing games. And beating Western Conference teams that have to play full throttle during the whole year just to reach the finals. The I Could Do This Until I’m Fifty Award: Don’t leave Steve Kerr open. Don’t leave Steve Kerr open. Don’t leave Steve Kerr open. Kerr is open on the wing, he shoots for the lead .... The Biggest Human Being in History to Use the Most Hyperboles Ever in the Universe Award: Bill Walton does have some insightful, entertaining things to say, but the “that was the greatest inbound pass of his entire career” type of madness has got to stop before he becomes even more of a caricature of big self. His act is wearing thin, especially next to the more perceptive (but sometimes irritating) Tom Tolbert. Memo: you’re not the main event, guys. The Damn, He’s So Datable Award: Speaking of irritating, the Spurs’ Emanuel Ginobili is like Reggie Miller: hate his pesky energy if he’s on the other team, love his hustle if he’s on your team. His looks are just as enigmatic: is he too skinny? What about those nice biceps? Great upper part of the face, but what about the waning chin? Who cares? The guy is hot and a damned good athlete. And foreign, eg. exotic. Let’s shoot, let’s drive, let’s take it to the bucket! The Geez, It Would Have Been Nice To At Least Have Broken a Sweat Award: To veterans Danny Ferry and Steve Smith. The Spurs dancers saw more time on the court than these two. The Arco Arena, This Ain’t Award: To the Continental Airplane Hanger in the Meadowlands. Talk about very little home court advantage. There were crucial times in the finals where the Jersey crowd was actually sitting in those purple seats. If the Nets really wanna run with the big boys, they need to borrow the atmosphere of places like Arco in Sacramento, American Airlines in Dallas, hell, even the Target Center in Minnesota and Staples in LA. The Watch Out for Them Next Year Award: It was harder to tell which made Kobe more upset during his halftime interview: his recent estrangement with his father or his recent estrangement with the NBA finals. Warning to the rest of the league: his relationship with Dad is patched up and his knee is healing. The only prize Mr. Bryant’s eyes will be on for the next twelve months is dethroning Duncan as the finals MVP. Makes one salivate already thinking of next year’s playoffs. Randy's Outsports archive June 18, 2003 |
Nice try,
Jersey. You certainly gave us a better showing than last year’s
winless trip to the finals. If only the Kidd had more help. If only
Kenyon Martin was less flu-like and mental. If only David
Robinson and Speedy Claxton hadn’t stepped up big time. If only Steve
Kerr had retired long ago. If only Tim Duncan wasn’t The Man. If only
the Spurs had scored less than 20 points in every quarter
instead of just the first quarter in every game of the finals.