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Randy Boyd’s first three novels have been nominated for a total of
four Lambda Literary Awards. His next novel is Walt Loves the
Bearcat, a story of love and football.
Click here
for more on Randy’s first three novels.
By Randy Boyd
We @ Ballin’ apologize for the Unscripted Keyboard Malfunction. Apparently, we have discovered a previously unknown Windows flaw: if a frustrated hoop fan types the same phrase over and over (60,000 times in one night due to a certain Indiana small forward and his inopportune flagrant foul), that phrase will appear randomly in other Windows programs. Our apologies. Ron Artest Must Go. The relatively young Pacers had a good season upon which they can build and erase Pacer People’s heartache with one or six titles in the very near future. Moving on ... (As will at least two Pacers: Guess Who? and another playoff under-performer.) Don’t Do It, Detroit! The Pistons are clearly the best beast from the East at season’s end. Coach Larry Brown has always been a master when it comes to getting teams to rise up during his first year coaching somewhere. He guided UCLA to the NCAA finals his first year there. He took the Clippers(!) to the playoffs and the Pacers to their first playoff series win and Eastern Conference Finals, both in his initial seasons with them. He does that. So it shouldn’t be that much of a Detroit Shock that he’s got the Pistons believing in themselves (what playoff team wouldn’t with the Spring addition of a more focused, better behaved Rasheed Wallace?). But ... And we’re sure Commish David Stern and ABC/ESPN/TNT share this view—we’re hoping the Pistons don’t win (not because they spanked our beloved Pacers, but that’s not a bad reason either). More importantly, an ’04 banner hanging in the Palace of Auburn Hills, Michigan, would force every other team serious about winning to adopt the same brute defense, thereby turning every game into a 42-39 slugfest block party. Oh, what fun. Basketball is about athletic artistes creating on drive or the fast break, arching jumpers swishing through the net, being able to say “swish” and still be masculine. Fans want to see thunder jams and impossible shots. What’s with this blocking every single field goal attempt within 15 feet of the basket and poking loose every ball not glued to someone’s torso? Body-to-body combat not good. That’s what the WWE is for (okay, that and the massive behinds in colorful tights). Commish Stern “jokingly” said his dream match-up in the finals would be Lakers vs. Lakers. That’s because not only are the Lakers interesting off the court, they’re fun to watch on the court. Not because they’re defending the bucket like well-paid lawyers defending celebrity shoplifters, but because they make spectacular plays on offense (often started by good defense, but that’s besides the point). If Detroit somehow trumps LA’s On/Off Boyz in the finals, the complexion of the league will change more drastically than Anna Nicole’s waistline. A new era of even more commando-style defense will be ushered in, just as the Lakers, Pistons, Bulls, Knicks et. al. begat a similar, slightly less venomous defensive age that lasted from the early 80s until ... now? Game scores have been descending since Defensive Era I began, and the league and TV networks are already sweating bullets trying ride the vapors of the Magic/Bird/Jordan love the world had for the game a few years back. And yeah, yeah, defense can be fun to watch and high scoring games don’t equal the best games; but let’s face it, Americans don’t watch soccer because the score can never be 108-92. If Lakers vs. Lakers is Stern’s dream match-up, a Detroit title must be his worst nightmare, because in subsequent years, we could all be blessed with Defensive Era II: Bigger, Grosser, and More in Your Face. And won’t that be fun, gathering round the telly in June to watch Pistons vs. Pistons. Kinda like the WWE minus the massive behinds in colorful tights. Randy's Outsports archive June 10, 2004 |
Pacers
lose. Pacers lose. Pacers lose.