Ballin'

Final 8 on Fox

By Randy Boyd
For Outsports.com

Ballin’ prediction: San Antonio Spurs over the Kentucky Wildcats.
Ballin’ prediction II: Illinois Illini succumb to the Miami Heat.
Ballin’ prediction III: Detroit Pistons play Syracuse Orange to a tie.
Ballin’ prediction IV: Indiana Pacers and/or Hoosiers will reach a final before Bob Knight and/or Texas Tech.

No, Fox hasn’t found a way to combine March Madness and the NBA playoffs into a newfangled reality show. But if they did, here’s how both hoop circuits would play out. For those still saying, Say What?: the following are the final four participants in both the NCAA and the NBA, as far as we can see ...

College Division:

Illinois makes it out of Illinois alive and makes the quick shuttle to St. Louis. Too focused to fall, so far. Plus, not since some of John Wooden’s backyard cakewalks back in the day has a school gotten such a lucky break in the travel department.

West Virginia, spurred on the ghosts of NC State’s 1982 Albuquerque magic, crushes Washington’s hopes of completely forgetting about a Husky football program on life support. The Mountaineers were unflappable against Wake Forest. Like they believe or something. Hmmm.

North Carolina will continue its historic tradition of being the lucky benefactors of Bracket Breakdown and coast outta the Carrier Dome, probably feeling better about themselves than they should.

In another classic thriller, Kentucky shoots the lights out of the barn in Austin and sends Duke home, still wondering if they should have put a man on the ball before it was heaved to Lattener in 1992.

Final Four:

Illinois knocks West Virginia off their Mountaineers.
Kentucky knocks North Carolina off its Tar Heels.

National Championship:
Kentucky and Kelenna kontain Dee Illini and Dee wine and Dee coconut will be flowing in Lexington. Until they have to meet the champs of the NBA, whose final four will look like this ...

Professional Division:

Miami has too much Heat in Wade and too much playoff experience in Shaquille not to thunder roll through the early rounds of the Eastern Conference.

Cleveland will finally get a taste of the high life in the NBA. LeBron will be like a baby boy on his first (conscious) Christmas morning. Remember Jordan when the pre-dynasty Bulls finally started to crank it up a notch in the playoffs? We’re betting longtime Cavaliers fans do.

San Antonio is proving they don’t need to be the underdog or have the Lakers around to be motivated. Whoever said Duncan wasn’t Mr. Excitement all on his own?

Dallas will survive some long, grueling series in the early rounds to stagger into the conference finals. Too bad they’ll be a bunch of tired horses by then.

Conference championships:

Heat too much for Cavaliers, but it does go six.
San Antonio wins over Dallas in a Texas shootout, but it does go five.

NBA Finals:

Duncan over Shaq. Barring a Derek Fisher-type miracle, Dwayne will have to Wade around the NBA as a non-champion, at least for another year.

Worldwide All-American Basketball Championship, brought to you by Fox.

San Antonio Spurs over the Kentucky Wildcats, but it does go five. Despite delusional dreams of college hoop fans who aren’t in tune with the NBA, the Wildcats, and every other college team in the history of humankind, cannot win a seven game series against even the . of pro hoop teams, right Bobcats? Even in the consolation series, Illinois lose in four straight to Miami (Kentucky’s one win is contractual with Fox).

Footnote: The Pistons bow out early, like Syracuse. Detroit’s Vermont? Indiana. Reggie Miller is retiring. The Brawl will provide the motivation of a million Spike Lees.

Footnote II: Speaking of Indiana and the Insidious. Texas Tech coach Robert Montgomery Knight is bashing his old job and school again, talking shit about Hoosier coach Mike Davis. Ballin’ has the following very long winded op-ed on Mr. Knight ... wait ... this just in ... Bob Knight is not worth our time. 

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