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WHO IS CHARLIE?
On an episode of TV's "South
Park," role model Cartman once warned everyone to "Watch
out for Charlie in the Trees."
And I like to think that'll set the tone for my Outsports.com
column. I like to think of myself as somewhat dangerous, or cunning,
but above the fray, watching down upon the sports scene like a
slimmed-down version of the Slice Blimp. Or the Fuji Film Blimp. Or
the Shamu the Killer Whale for Seaworld Blimp.
Only I'm not in a blimp. Nor am I a blimp. I'm not even in the
trees, in actuality. I'm just above it all.
You may be wondering: what's up with him? Why is he qualified to
write a sports column for the premier Web site for gay athletes and
athletic supporters? (Cheap pun, I know, but there are some thing's
that I'm just not above.)
Why am I qualified? Well, I will have you know that I am
experienced with all facets of the sports scene due to the fact that
I share my house with a dark, muscular, good-looking retired
athlete.
OK, so the retired athlete is a ex-racing greyhound that I adopted.
Greyhound racing is a sport. And he is cute as a button.
And to protect the reputation of my retired athlete life-partner,
you know, for the sake of all those potential endorsements, I write
about the sports scene under a nom de gay, Charlie - in the Trees.
E-mail
Charlie
Past Columns
Brass
Balls Awards
The
best sports time of the year
I'm
in love with a hot Spanish gymnast.
Can't
get enough of those shaved armpits.
Why
I hate the Redskins
Give
me Jeter over Cruise
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Alex
Rodriguez: 26% Better Than Any Other Player? By
Charlie In The Trees
Special to Outsports.com
LAS VEGAS--If you were starting a baseball team from scratch, and you could choose
one active player to build your franchise around, who would that be?
Answering that question is probably an objective way to answer the basic
question: who should be the highest paid player in baseball?
First off, it would have to be a position player. The centerpiece of a
franchise has got to be a player who is on the field every day. With a
five-man rotation, even the most durable starter isn't out there enough.
Besides, I'm old enough to remember the '72 Phillies, who had Steve Carlton
going 27-10 and on a team that won only 59 games.
One great starter only gets you so far. So that eliminates Pedro, the
best pitcher in baseball over a six-month season. (Six, and not seven, is
all the number of months the Red Sox will play for the foreseeable feature.)
The Big Unit, of course, would be the best if the season ended a couple
of weeks after the All Star Game. And a closer on an uncompetitive franchise
is just a waste. (See Urbina, Ugueth, Expos closer from-where?-that
planet of the World's Most Beautiful Men and Women we call Venezuela.)
Second, the player would have to play a key up-the-middle defensive pitching. It is much easier to find great offensive players for the
infield corners, or for left or right field. It is a lot harder to find a player who can put up MVP-type numbers while expertly handling a
key defensive position. Jason Giambi, Carlos Delgado, Jeff Bagwell and
Sammy Sosa all put up great numbers, but with the exception of the X-factor
of Giambi's leadership skills, it would be much easier to replace one of
those
players with someone ALMOST as valuable, than it is to find a catcher,
shortstop, second baseman, or Gold Glove caliber centerfielder that puts up
MVP-type numbers. (See Cardinals, St. Louis, substituting Big Mac for
The Thrill.)
Third, the player would have to be above average defensively at his position. Or at least more than barely adequate. That clearly
eliminates Piazza, who plays catcher like a natural born DH or first baseman. I
said this before, but his utter inability to handle even the basics of this
key position cost the Mets the opportunity to come back in Game Five of the
World Series. If he had been blocking the plate like a reasonable catcher
is supposed to play, the ball does not bounce off Posada's thigh and
the second run does not score that inning.
I think this factor also eliminates at least one of the "holy trinity"
of shortstops, Nomar Garciaparra, who is a defensive liability for the Red
Sox.
So who does that leave? Ivan Rodriguez, maybe. A-Rod. Jeter. Junior
Griffey. Jim Edmonds, if he puts up those numbers one more season and
proves that 2000 was not a fluke, but was merely a function of getting
away from the Cursed Angels. Maybe Jeff Kent. Maybe. I'm not sure of his
defense.
My point is: you can make a very strong argument that Alex Rodriguez is
the cornerstone player, the player that you should choose to build a
baseball team around. (Personally, I would choose Derek Jeter, even though
A-Rod hits better, because of superior defense, leadership, a winning
attitude, AND the fact that you don't have to worry about Mariah Carey hanging
around the clubhouse.)
Tom Hicks, the owner of the Texas Rangers, apparently agrees, although
he's not quite building a team from scratch. He already has "I-Rod," Ivan
Rodriguez, and "R-Palm," Rafael Palmeiro. Unfortunately, when it comes
to pitching, he might as well be building from scratch. His ace is, I
believe, "R-Hell," Rick Helling, whose a perfectly adequate number three starter
who has been terribly miscast as the staff ace.
I wouldn't be a bit surprised if the Rangers still plan to throw Bobby Witt out there every fifth
day. In essence, the Rangers are building, from scratch, a team that can win a
post-season series.
 A-Rod is a great baseball player. Hits a ton. Pretty good defensive
shortstop. Generally healthy - and a quick healer when injured. Only
25 years old. Movie star handsome. Great public image. Well, at least
until Scott Boras started demanding equal billboard space and a merchandise
booth.
There is no problem with a baseball universe that chooses to have A-Rod as its highest paid player. After all, he won one of the inaugural
Outsports Brass Balls
awards.
There is a problem with paying 26 percent more than the second highest
paid player, Manny Ramirez. And there is a severe problem with paying him
48 percent more than third-highest, Carlos Delgado. And it is catastrophic to
pay him more than double what is earned by the best player in baseball--Derek Jeter (four rings in the five years that he's been a major
leaguer is only one piece of evidence).
I don't fault Boras for demanding this much money. I don't fault A-Rod
for signing a contract worth, roughly, the Gross National Product of the
Republic of Grenada. How many of us ever turned down a high paying job
because we didn't want to upset the salary structure in our chosen line of work?
I do fault Tom "D-Snyde" Hicks. Some compared this to him signing Brett
Hull and winning a Stanley Cup with the Dallas Stars. I respectfully
dissent. The Stars were a legitimate Stanley Cup contender that underachieved in the playoffs. Hull was the finishing touch.
The Texas Rangers, or "T-Rans," (am I taking this one marginally funny
joke way too far?) were 71-91, after a run of pennants that were largely the
result of playing in the weakest division in baseball. The leading indicators for next year do not look either. They have not made any
significant moves to improve their pitching (Aaron Mayette?). They are
touting the Deadskin-esque signings of Andres Galarraga Ken Caminiti as major moves. Yes, the Big Cat's comeback from cancer
surgery was one of the great sports stories of the year. But he tailed off
considerably as the season went on and he is – what? – nearly 65 years
old. Caminiti has the knees of an arthritic octogenarian.
Is this going to change the way baseball does business? Is this – and
the $20 million paid to Manny Ramirez – going to change baseball, and lead
to a salary cap or revenue sharing? Fat chance.
I remember a few years ago, when Jerry Reinsdorf signed Sunny Albert
Belle to a huge contract that "Sparkles" baseball's highest paid player,
baseball was supposed to change. That was supposed to stop the insanity. Well,
A-Rod's new deal makes the one penned by the King of Nice look like minimum
wage.
I do think there is some consensus that A-Rod, unlike Sparkles, should
be baseball's top earner. I don't think there's going to be any pressure
to exceed the amount of that contract for at least a year, maybe two.
What will it take for baseball to institute meaningful financial reform,
with revenue sharing and a salary cap? It won't be $25.3 million a season
contract for Jeter, or $30 million for Rafael Furcal, or $45 million for Willie Mays after taking age-reversal medication.
It'll take a franchise bankruptcy. Or two. Until then, look for an instant
replay next off-season, with everyone claiming then that salaries couldn't
possibly climb any higher from those paid to all the new free agents in
the Class of 2001.
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