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Clone
Sports Stars? No Way, Jose
By Charlie
in the Trees
Special to Outsports.com
LAS VEGAS - All the talk in the news about human cloning got me thinking about Jose Canseco. Of all things. It's not because I always thought his physique is more a product of chemistry than physics or biology.
Assuming that human cloning is even technologically or biologically feasible, a lot of fans wonder about what would happen if you cloned a great athlete. A new Michael Jordan! Another Wayne Gretzky! An offspring for Martina Navratilova! (Insert your own "get out the turkey baster" joke here.)
 Of course, it's a huge assumption that human cloning will ever happen. The scientists who are most insistent about moving forward with human cloning are Italian. From Italy. Correct me if I'm wrong, but the last time Italians were on the cutting edge of science, Galileo Galilei was dropping stuff off the side of the Leaning Tower of Pisa. I'm not expecting rapid progress from these guys. Then there's Dolly the cloned sheep. Apparently she is a disease-ridden genetic disaster. Finally, there's evidence that our maximum age limit is genetically encoded. If you clone a 10-year-old, the clone is born having already used up 10 of the years of his or her maximum.
 Put aside all those scientific concerns about cloning. Put aside the ethical dilemmas too. What I want to know is this. Do we really have to worry about George Steinbrenner using some of his New York media market TV dollars to clone Rocket Roger, or Reggie Jackson, or even Willie Mays, so he can build the next generation of Yankee pennant winners?
Or, maybe, the Jerries--Reinsdorf and Krause--could spend some of that salary cap room money that no free agent seems to want and use if to build a 21st Century MJ?
Hey, maybe Donald Sterling would spend a few bucks and clone Olden Polynice, Ron Harper and Danny Manning and return to those Clipper glory days of the early '90's, with winning records and even a round in the playoffs.
Perhaps the PGA could spend some Swoosh bucks to stop worrying about whether the Tiger money train will ever leave the station. They could just build another! Then another and then another. Or, from the other perspective, maybe the PGA could introduce competition back into the highest levels of golf and create the player capable of threatening Tiger's stranglehold on all of golf's majors: Tiger II?
The answer: no. The evidence: Jose Canseco (pictured).
We do have something in our species that's sort of like cloning right now. It is a process by which another human is created with the same genetic make-up as another. It's not science fiction. It's reality. It's called: identical twins.
Like Jose Canseco and his brother Ozzie.
Earlier this season, both played on the Newark Bears of the independent Atlantic League. In late June, paralleling the rest of their baseball careers, Jose's career re-ignited when he signed with the Southside White Sox, where he's now a DH. Ozzie's sputtered when he was released.
(By the way, the Newark Bears roster has some incredible names for the VH-1 "Where Are They Now?" file. Hensley "Bam Bam" Meulens. Pete Incaviglia. Jack Armstrong. Danny Kanell. Yes, THAT Danny Kanell. The one who used to quarterback the Giants, the Falcons and the Florida State Seminoles.)
In his big league career, Ozzie played a total of 24 games in the majors, having been up for a cup of coffee with the Oakland A's (1990) and, for two very partial seasons with the St. Louis Cardinals (1992, 1993). He has a .200 career batting average, .292 slugging percentages, no home runs, and no balls bounced off his head for home runs.
Jose may not be a Hall of Fame career, but his stats are somewhat better. Nearly 2000 major league games played, over 17 seasons. 456 career home runs and a .517 slugging percentage. More than 1,000 runs scored and 1,382 RBI.
Even for just this one partial season out of his 17, in a little more than a month with the Chi Sox, Jose's numbers for this season are better than his twin's career. In 37 games this year, Jose is hitting .298, with 10 home runs, a .580 slugging percentage, and, for 2001 at least, no balls off his head and over the fence.
Seems to me like that's a pretty compelling argument that our fate isn't something predestined by our chromosomes. We are more than the sum total of our genetics, which is, admittedly, an unpopular and controversial position within the gay community, where our spokesmodels tend to argue the "genetics is destiny" line.
Assuming we could clone people, the Michael Jordan clone isn't destined to have Michael's career. Clone Wayne Gretzky and you won't get the Great One. Maybe not even an Adequate One. The Martina clone might not even like tennis, let alone be good at it. Clone Barry Bonds and you might get someone who's friendly, likeable and willing to sign autographs late into the night. The Rocket Roger Clemens clone could be a sensitive liberal pacifist who enjoys flower arranging, interior design and warm cuddly puppies.
No team of Italian scientists can duplicate the same life experiences that formed these top athletes. The best athletes-and I'm including the Canseco brothers in this despite having seen Jose mangle right field--are more than a product of genetics. Just like the rest of us. Aug.
9, 2001
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