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2001
Brass Balls Awards
By Charlie
in the Trees
Special to Outsports.com
LAS VEGAS--Like the entertainment industry, the sports/entertainment industry awards continue to multiply like jackrabbits on viagra. In this spirit, I present to you: THE 2001 BRASS BALLS AWARDS. The only awards that combine the two great passions of the Outsports.com readership: sports and, well, passion.
In the grand tradition of baseball's Gold Glove (given to the top fielders at each position) and Silver Slugger (given to the top hitter), the Brass Balls are presented annually to the player at each position demonstrating the characteristic most valued by the readership of Outsports.com: watchability.
What makes a player the most watchable? It's a combination of playing skills, both in the field and at the plate, plus good looks, a great body and a generally all-around sexy attitude. A male model who can barely hit his weight and fields like Jose Canseco's arthritic grandmother won't make the cut. A reliever with the mouth of drunken skinhead isn't sexy enough no matter how hard his pecs and traps. A handsome, athletic pitcher isn't going to be nominated with an ERA over 5.00--unless he pitchers in Coors Lite, hits seven HR's and, of course, is named Mike Hampton.
(If it seems like Hampton gets nominated every year, whether he deserves it or not. Think of it as my version of the rule that "Frasier" gets nominated for multiple Emmys, even several years after it passed its peak.)
These awards are not yet given personally, although I am working on that. If any winner wants a personal presentation, that can be arranged. On to the awards ...
Tuesday:
Starting
pitcher, relief pitcher, catcher, rookie of the year Wednesday:
The infielders Today:
The
Outfield, plus a special Hall of Fame award
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