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2002 Brass Balls Awards By Charlie
in the Trees LAS VEGAS--Baseball 2002 did not go on strike. The season did not end prematurely. The teams with the biggest payrolls did not necessarily go to the playoffs. Ask the fans of the Boston Red Sox ($110 million) or the Texas Rangers ($107 million counting A-Rod, $21.85 without including him). And a Motel 6 level budget did not doom teams into becoming cannon fodder for the Ritz Carlton crowd. Ask the fans of the Minnesota Twins ($41 million payroll) or the Oakland A’s ($42 million). Welcome to Outsports’ Baseball 2002 post-season awards show. Major league baseball’s awards such as the MVP, the Cy Young, the Rookie of the Year: these are like the Oscars. Major, career-altering, career-defining prestige awards. Second tier awards, like the Gold Glove, are more like the Emmys. Like an Emmy, a Gold Glove is awarded to the best player performing in a less-respected medium. Defense, in the case of the Gold Glove. Outsports’ Brass Balls Awards are more like the Tonys. In so many ways. The Brass Balls are awarded to the most watchable baseball player at each position, based on the four all-important criteria of (1) offensive performance, (2) defensive skills, (3) face and (4) muscles. Everything valued by the hardcore sports fan who walks down the gay side of the street. Everything that causes a stir deep in our very own brass nether-regions. Next year, I hope to add a swimsuit competition – and none of those below-the-knee “volleyball” length shorts permitted thank you very much – but for now the competition is limited to appearance in uniform (and the occasional on-camera shirtless locker room shot). Let’s skip Joan Rivers on the red carpet and go straight to the awards ... Part 1: Part 2:
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