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Funnell, Making a Difference
The letter Dug Funnell sent, starting in 1993, to baseball
players, executives, managers and broadcasters:
To the future Baseball Commissioner and Team Owners from the heart of a man:
In his first days of public office, our current President stressed that e need to accept gay people in the military and all parts of life.
"Steve Howe, bounced from baseball seven times for drug offenses, #7
being a supposedly lifetime ban was given another chance last week by
arbitrator George Nicolau. Howe pleaded guilty to a charge of attempted possession of cocaine."
"Jose Canseco Runs Wife Off the Road in Her Car."
"Luis Polonia had to serve a 60 day sentence for sex with a minor in
1989."
"Pete Rose served 5 months for tax evasion in 1990."
"Boston slugger Jack Clark filed for bankruptcy Aug. 7, he listed debts
of $11.5 million despite the fact Clark was working on a three year contract worth $8.7 million."
"Dave Pallone fired from major league baseball because he is gay."
"Timothy Daurity, arrested on felony assault charges after whacking umpire Glenn Barham in the chest with a bat."
"ETC., ETC."
Baseball has kept players on who have been charged with assault, felonies, solicitation, statutory rape and illegal financial doings. And not to forget all the players who admitted to selling, buying and using illegal drugs. The message here is - drugs, rape, assault, and solicitation is more acceptable than being gay. What's wrong with this picture?
Baseball is a reflection of life in America. Not only straight people
enjoy this sport, gay people do as well. I am a gay man with pride and
dignity in myself, my career, my friends and respected in my community.
Baseball is my passion, hobby and interest. I realize that baseball isn't
ready to accept us yet as it took a long time to accept black men in the
sport. But we are all people on this planet earth - all brothers and sisters in a wonderful world. When will we accept those who are different from ourselves?
When baseball fired the major league Dave Pallone for being gay, I was crushed. I love baseball, why should being gay have such a horrible feeling in the baseball world and cause such hate and unfair responses? Are the people in this profession aware of how difficult it is to love something or someone who hates you?
I wanted desperately to like sports, especially baseball. But when you
are the last one picked for "choose ups" in high school gym class and the
teams argue over who has to take you, a non-welcoming flag goes up. I love baseball, but the majority of baseball hates a faggot.
For a living, I teach dance to retarded children at a local high school.
They can't wait until dance class. The kids love it and generally give it
100% of their attention and energies. We are doing routines from Broadway shows - this year we are specializing in scenes from "Damn Yankees", (naturally!) I also run an organization to help people find others who share their feelings and needs. I also hold fund raising events for the AIDS Hospice Centers.
All my life, I tried to be a good person. I taught retarded and deformed children for 10 years and was told "good job," I saved
the life a cerebral palsy girl from drowning in a canoe accident and was told "good job," I gave my dying brother my blood and bone marrow to help save his life from leukemia and was told "good job," I raised over $10,000 for people who were dying at a hospice and was told "good job," I loved another man and was told "Faggots like you should be taken out and shot in the head with a .357 Magnum!!"
Why is there so much hate in the world of baseball? Why will my baseball heroes not answer a letter of praise to them or just sign an
autograph just because a person is gay?
Helen Keller once said this to a filled vaudeville theater: "What I want
to say to you is really simple. If you knew how a little word from my
teacher's hand touched the darkness of my mind and brought hope and gladness of life. I was dumb, now I can speak. Teacher credits my hard work but I know I owe it to her's and lots of others. It was through their love that I found my soul and God and happiness. Don't you see what this means? We live by each other, for each other. Alone we can do so little, together we can do so much.
``All of this can break down the walls that stand between us and our
happiness. I lift up my voice in love and joy of a wonderful life to come. This is my message of hope and inspiration to all mankind."
Can't we work together? I'm calling to your attention that it's time to
treat all minorities with respect in relation to their skills. We can't
change our genetic makeup, we are all different in religious respects, skin color, jobs - gay or straight should not be an issue. I trust that people can be fair minded.
When I was in high school gym class, one guy's sensitivity clearly came
out. I was delighted when he choose me to be on his football team. I knew that I was awkward and didn't know how to play the game (still don't) because no one ever took the time to teach me. Anyway, at one point, during the game, he had the ball and was surrounded by the opposing guys, he glanced my way and saw that no one was near me (mostly due to the fact that I was no threat), so he very carefully threw the football to me for the team to gain about 20 more yards before I was tackled. It was the way he threw the ball--gently--like it was made of porcelain because he knew that I couldn't catch well.
In that split moment, his gentle caring eyes measured the situation and trusted me and for once in my life, I was treated like a "teammate". It
was important because when I was young, I always felt like "the Ugly
Duckling", and I had a father who was busy working to support a family and couldn't show warm feelings-he did the best that he could.
When my mother learned that I was gay, she felt the pain; how could she tell her child that he was born to be hurt? My brother who gave me affirmation, was seven years older than me and he died of leukemia/AIDS several years after being exposed to "Agent Orange" in Viet-Nam. I lost the male figure that I wanted to identify with.
I know that men exist who are kind to all people. I tried and wrote to
over 1,500 Major and Minor baseball players, only a few responded by sending an autographed card, and only two wrote a letter--Mr. Gregg Ritchie, a AAA player for the Phoenix Firebirds and Turk Wendell, pitcher for the Cubs. They took the time to write to me with a kind hearted response. That gave me hope. I just wanted to have a "mentor" to look up to.
My home in Cleveland looks like a version of Cooperstown's museum of the Baseball hall of fame! I have hundreds of 8 x 10's, autographed balls and various memorabilia.
I would have liked to have been a baseball player in the Major Leagues!
I know that I never will, but if I lived in a land where a fantasy can come true, that would be it. I would also like to meet a famous baseball player one day. That would be my lifetime dream come true.
At times I feel like a motherless child in a world where I don't fit in.
Perhaps that is why I cling to my passions like baseball, because it makes me feel that I deserve to have a place where I can find myself and enjoy something meaningful. Dreams make promises that they can't always keep and maybe growing up is letting go of those dreams.
I let go of the dream that I will never be a ball player. One comment that the young second wife of John J. Astor said to her husband while sailing on the Titanic was, "I'm not beautiful, not like your first wife, but I can be kind, I can be completely kind." I feel like that.
I don't think I have a hunky, macho personality to offer, but I can be kind. I can be completely kind, so why does "baseball" hate me? Baseball took on such a meaning for me at this point in my life,
because many of the players are men that I want to emulate. The have the
talents that I wish I had. They are the men that I want to identify with. They represent the man that I need to use as a role model. And they are also so talented in what they do that I desire affirmation from them.
One big break came when I got a small part in the movie "Babe Ruth" filmed partly here in Cleveland and at the Stadium. I was a reporter with one line, and a fan in the front row of the 1927 World Series! I was also interviewed on Cleveland television with my small part. It was like being back in time. Yet, I would give anything to be associated with the baseball in some small way.
Harvey Fierstein's words are truth:
"I am what I am, I am my own special creation, so come take a look, give
me the hook or the ovation. It's my world that I want to have a little pride in, my world and it's not a place I have to hide in, life's not worth a damn till you can say "Hey World, I am what I am. Your life is a sham till you can shout out loud, I am what I am. I deal my own deck, sometimes the ace, sometimes the deuces. There's one life and there's no return and no deposit. Life's not worth a damn till you can say "Hey World, I am what I am!"
I may be 39 now, but it's not too late for someone's kindness in giving
me affirmation and his "gift" of baseball skills. Please, world of baseball, accept us. We are your brothers, your sons, your cousins, your friends. We are just like you, we get frustrated in heavy traffic, we cut ourselves shaving and we are warmed by a kind deed. We are human beings. Please people in the baseball field, don't end up with "feet of clay," I have so much admiration for you. Please care.
"When a trout rising to a fly gets hooked on a line and finds himself
unable to swim about freely, be begins with a fight which results in
struggles and splashes and sometimes an escape. Often, of course, the
situation is too tough for him. In the same way the human being struggles
with his environment and with the hooks that catch him. Sometimes he masters his difficulties; sometimes they are too much for him. His struggles are all that the world sees and it naturally misunderstands them. It is hard for a free fish to understand what is happening to a hooked one." - Karl A. Menninger.
Sincerely from the heart,
Dug Funnell
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