I know this is just what everyone wants to read, my little sob story, but I could really use some help, and I feel that you guys are a solid bunch (for the most part ) to turn to.

To begin, I'm 27 and I have never really been in a relationship w/a guy. But this summer I met this guy who is a student at Wisconsin and we just really clicked. So we always hung out and spent a lot of time together and we got to the point where we decided that we were really dating and I'd see him pretty much every other weekend. Then he went on a mini-internship/study abroad trip to the Bahamas (rough life). So here he was (he's quite easy on the eyes) in the Bahamas while I'm stuck here in Milwaukee.

So why he has been away, I met another guy who was pretty much working with me. He's from California so he really didn't know anyone (For all I know, he's STRAIGHT) so I offered every now and then to do something with him, go to the bars, etc. We really became good friends during this time. He was a swimmer in college (and still does competitively swim), 6'5", blue eyes, blonde/brown hair....one of those guys you wish weren't straight! wink Anyways, he asked if I wanted to go to a Wisconsin swim meet one day and I agreed to go with and so we did. We both had a good time and on the way back he somehow brought up past relationships and I just flat out told him that I'm not straight. And then he laid on the shocker, that he's bi.


So now I don't know what to do. The first guy I mentioned that I've been with is a good guy, but our relationship is just almost a f**kbuddy type of thing, cause I rarely see him (I saw him on Thanksgiving and then he'll be back for good on Xmas). But even when's back, we still are an hour apart and when he graduates this year, he could get a job anywhere, and probably not in Milwaukee. But it's not like we're just 'f**kbuddies' cause I do really like him and I've been having trouble sleeping when he's not in bed with me, etc.

Then there's this new guy who's equally as hunky (at least to me ) who is closer to my age, although we're still a few years apart. We're both working in the same city and live near eachother....he's smart (he went to Purdue), funny, etc.


So my dilemma is whether I should try something with him. I don't know whether my thing for him is lust (I about fell over when I saw him w/out a shirt....but I did the same with the first guy too) or what. I just hope I don't see him in a Speedo inbetween now and then!


Thanks guys, I know this stuff can be really annoying to read......and I'm sorry it ended up being so long. But many of you are a lot more 'experienced' than I and it really means a lot to get some of that advice....

My question would be which guy do you feel a stronger emotional bond with? The "f**kbuddy" or the bi-guy? From what I'm reading, it sounds like that would be with the bi-guy. Best of luck, dude.

[ December 04, 2003, 02:40 PM: Message edited by: bobby78751 ]

Ilini, even though I'm no "expert" to dating, I figured I'll throw in my two cents since you're always so cool about posting those great football photos! (Me, not being a regular football fan, do like the nice football shot, so it helps when you screen them for me! )

So back to you, I would say since both of them sounds attractive, who do you feel you have more fun with at the end of the day? Which person makes you feel special and you can't stop thinking about. (And I'm not talking about thinking of his physical body but thinking of just wanting to be with him.) That person is the one who will probably have a more lasting relationship with you.

In terms of your specific case, there are no easy choice. But here are some things to keep in mind...

Your co-worker from California says he's bi but you didn't say if he expressed an interest in you. So that might close the door if he's not at all interested and just wants to be friends. Also, because he's "bi," he may still have issues to deal with. I had a friend, who is a girl, who dated a guy who once was a homosexual. But when he met her, he said he was "bi" and started dating her and having sex. After a few months, the novelty ran off and he went back to guys. So your "bi" friend could go either way, that's the thing about being bi, I guess. So it might be tricky.

Either way, doesn't sound like you really have to decide right away. Maybe go on a few dates with the bi friend and make it romantic and see how he reacts. And also continue seeing your other friend and see if the bond continues to grow or if it starts to wane because of the distance.

Hope that helps. wink

To echo what Batboy said, I think it would be best to check the intentions of Bi-boy before proceeding. Is it a phase that will end up with him only dating women? Is he really gay and using the excuse of being bi to soften the sting? Is he truly bi and comfortable with dating both sexes? "Dating" is the key word, because I could in theory have sex with a million women but I'd never once want to date them. If he only "dates" women but only has sex with guys, there's your answer, I think.

Personally, I'd wait for Bahama boy and have an honest, heartfelt sit-down talk with him about the future. Are you tied to Milwaukee either by family or job (I seem to remember that you're involved in pro sports so I'm going to assume "Yes" on the job part)? Is he willing to move to where you are when he's done with school or does his career dictate that he HAS to move somewhere else?

I would strongly counsel that you take a long view of things--think of how life will be 3-5 years down the road. If you REALLY think there's a future with Bahama boy, it could be worth it to hang tight for a year and let things sort themselves out; you're only 27 (sorry it that sounds patronizing). I met the love of my life and I wasn't willing to put up with some crappy circumstances for a few years (i.e. move to New Jersey because of his career and then move back to California) so I let him go alone. I've rued that decision every day for the last five years.

It's a dilemma, for sure, for sure. Keep us updated, please?

Here I thought I got all the necessary info in. Yesterday, he essentially asked me if I was seeing anyone (he didn't know about the other guy) and I just told him not really. I said not really cause this had been a few days I thought about him and I didn't want to say yes, cause I didn't want to scare him off. That's why I brought this up on here, cause now I'm just confused.

I really want to explore this opportunity (yes, he HAS dated guy(s) before...that was one of the first things I asked), but I don't know how. As you stated about him being "bi", it could mean he's just gay or it could be he's truly, truly bi. I want to go on some 'dates' and get to know him a little less friend-like, but then there's the college guy. I don't want to 'cheat' on him and I really don't want to call him up and tell him either cause I don't want to bum him out and possibly have things ruined with him.

I can't tell you how much I appreciate you guys and your help....

[ December 04, 2003, 07:23 PM: Message edited by: illini n milwaukee ]

The question is, did you decide that you were dating each other exclusively?

If so, then you need to decide whether you want to pursue it further and turn it into a deep, loving relationship for life. And if you don't want to do that, you owe it to the guy to be honest with him as soon as he returns for good.

If not, then have some dates with the bi guy if you want, and see where things go.

Here's my 2 cents:
First I think you need to listen to your gut. I think your confusion comes from the greedy party of you wants it all. They both look good to you and you don't want to lose an opportunity on both ends to possibly have a relationship. Your heart is telling you you can't have it both ways with the secrets being kept from both of them. I think you have to decide what it is that you really want. This requires listening to your heart. I say go with what your heart says. I think your heart will flow to only one of them. Then be honest with both of them. Why keep secrets? So many relationships are doomed from the very beginning because of lack of honesty. If you can't be honest now, it will make it harder to be honest down the road. Don't start a relationship with dishonesty. They will both appreciate the honesty and you will have your integrity.

I know that's not specific, but no one can tell you exactly what to do. You already know what is best. Trust it.

Illini,

Don't ever think you're being a nuisance with subject matter of such. There is a strong brotherhood here on Outsports and we should be able to come here for support from each other. Plus, we all do owe you for the awesome eye-candy you put for the gracious effort in posting. wink

Firstly, let me say that you're young and life should be fun for you right now. Take your time and let yourself get to know both these guys but be cautious if emotions begin to surface, especially with bi-guy. You'll need to inventory yourself to determine if you begin to fall for him, can you deal with the fact that he has this occasional desire for women. On the other hand, if he really is gay and is just saying he's bi, then you need to be forewarned of the possibility that this guy isn't really in acceptance of himself. That could be another problem. If you begin to have strong feelings for college guy, then you need to ask yourself are you prepared to contend with the "distance" thing.

Depending on your exclusivity (or lack thereof) with college buddy, I at least think bi-guy would understand and would not be frightened off. Hell, he might find winning your affections a challenge. If you are exclusively dating college guy, then CG would understandably have issue with you wanting to explore something Bi-guy. However, the main question again is what do you want? Dating/hanging out/occasional sex or longevity? Which one do you dream of mostly? Who shares your interests, yet is different enough to keep it interesting?

Now if you do decide to try something with bi-guy in all his 6'5 glory, please be sure to video it and post for all of us who helped you through this decision-making process. It can just be your small way of saying "thanks".

Good luck!

Well said, Draper. I'd also like to add something to Drapers comments by backing up even further. What kinds of committments have you and your friend in the Bahamas made? Are you in a relationship? Does he want a serious relationship with you? Are there any expectations with regards to dating other people? Were any agreements made before he left for the Bahamas? You have to do a lot of searching within yourself to find out first, where you stand with both these guys right now, second, why are you now interested in the second guy and third, how do these men feel about you? If you're wanting to "explore this possibility" with the second guy, you have to ask yourself why. Is it out of lust, are you bored/horny because guy number 1 is not around? Why are you wanting to shift your efforts onto this new guy? You didn't say you had any commitments with the first guy but I think you owe it to yourself and the two guys to be open and honest with regards to your wants and expectations. Dig deep and find out what the bottom line is for you. Good luck and let us know how it turns out.

here's my two cents...my bf taught me that there is nothing wrong with multidating as long as the parties all know and everyone is cool with it. He was dating two other guys when he went from being just a friend to dating material for me. (I was with my Psycho-ex when I met him - long bloody stupid story).

To him Jealousy was just a waste of energy and emotion. People are going to do what they want,...no matter what. It took me a while before this sunk in, but I knda understand it now. Two of our friends just went throught the mutlidating game and now have figured out which person they have the most connection with and if it is reciprocated.

The prob for Illini is the distance factor. How does one date, two guys, to figure out where the future lies, when one is only available for short periods of time?

Bi guy sounds great on paper, but is he interested in dating, hanging out, or just being buddies? With Bahama guy there seems to already be a connection, but long distance hurts. Have you talked to Bahama guy about what he wants too? Communication is the most important part of a relationship.

Bi guy is local so hanging out and trying to figure out what may or may not happen should be easy. The one problem I see from Illini's post is with himself. His emotions seem conflicted because of some guilt he feels for something that hasn't even happened yet. Talk to both guys and get some idea of where/what/how/who/why they see happening and then go from there. Maybe Bi guy is not that interested, maybe he is. Maybe Bahama guy is tired of the distance thing? You won't know until you at least chat with them. Okay too long a post, I will stop now.

Hey Illini,

Everyone pretty much has said the same thing. COMMUNICATION.

Long post alert.

You need to talk with the guys. Instead of wondering about what may/may not happen, you really need to have a sit down talk with CG. Where does this firendship stand. What do you both want out of this "relationship." What is his plans for the near future. What are your plans for the near future? Are you willing to have a long distance relationship. Are you exclusive to each other? Just *uck buddies? Committed to each other, but open to see other guys? Sounds like you care about CG, but you need to ask yourself if you are interested in him because of who he is, what he looks like, or is it because you are getting action from him.

As for the other guy (and as mentioned by Jim) is he truly "bi" or just in the process of coming out so he's calling himself "bi"? If he's still in the process of coming out, then that could be another factor to consider. Do you really want to handle the issues associated with someone fresh out of the closet? How does he "see" you? As a friend or as a potential date? Are you looking at him differently becasuse CG is out of country and you are lonely? Are you looking at BG because of his looks? I say this because you mentioned him without his shirt. Is it simply lust/desire or are you truly interested in dating him? Well, to date him, you need to go back to paragraph 1 and find out what your relationship truly is with CG.

If your situation was a hypothetical question, this is what I would say. Continue to date other men. By meeting another man that you would like to date, it appears that CG is fun, but due to the situation, not someone you would settle down with. You can date Bi-Guy, but I would also date other guys as well. There has to be a Gay guy out there for you...if that's what you are looking for. You're still young, very attractive and have a lot going for you. I'm sure you will have no problem finding men to date. Hopefully, you will know it when you find the guy you want to settle down with. You're young, have fun. All I would suggest is that the entire package is sound and not solely based on looks/sex or a hot body. That's only a fraction of what's in a relationship.

Finally, you can ask us for our opinions and we will gladly give them to you, but it is ultimately up to you to decide if you want to listen/follow our advice. Tonka Man said it best. People will do whatever they want...no matter what. It's true. I have many friends who would get advice from all of us and end up doing what they wanted to do. Sometimes it worked, sometimes not. It's hard for any of us to tell you what to do because we don't know you, the guys or the situation and space that everyone is currently occupying ( woah, I used the word "space"..how metaphysical) in their respective lives. It's cliched, but Communication really is the key. Start with CG, come to a clear understanding of where you stand and then move on...be it with CG, Bi Guy, or some other man. Don't be afraid to talk to the guys. And I would suggest a face to face conversation and not via the phone. Good luck & keep us updated!

Thanks for your responses guys.

I'm getting ready to head out to a bachelor party tonight with the 'new guy' and I think I'm just gonna get to know him a little better and find out a little more about his 'intentions'. I just don't want to ruin the other guy's trip down there and throw it on him. I just don't want to sit there and say well I found this other guy while you're gone.......if I don't know if he's even right for me.

I'll see how things go tonight and for the next couple weeks (and nothing sexual at all...NO cheating) I'll try to get a gauge of things. I really think he'd be a more of a future guy if he's willing to do it. Have a nice night everyone, thanks again for the help.....

How did the party go over this past weekend? Any updates on how you're doing? Any new developments

Yeah, come on Illini, you can't get us involved in your soap opera and then not continue the storyline!

Sorry, there's not much to report.

The party was fun (well at least I had a good time ). I ended up having a bit too much to drink (I'm not a big drinker...so don't get the wrong impression!) and me and the 'Milwaukee guy ' shared a cab back. Apparently I was about to pass out in the cab, so he just had me stay at his place. I woke up the next day and he had me tucked into his bed (shhhhh nothing happened lol, he just moved so he only has one bed) and he had made pancakes for us. Yum
Then we watched some football and talked quite a bit. From what I gathered, he's relationship material and interested, but he's been great in terms of not really pressuring me (especially considering the circumstances).

Then I talked to the guy in the Bahamas a couple nights later and he sounded excited to get back.

Wish I had something interesting to tell you! lol

Maybe next time.... :confused:

[ December 09, 2003, 09:08 PM: Message edited by: illini n milwaukee ]

Hey guys can I add a question about my situation in here quick like?

I met a guy recently and had lunch with him last Sat. The first time I met him about a year ago, he didn't really do much for me, and I didn't even remember his name or anything, so I consider meeting him again kind of a start over point. Anyway, this time when I had lunch with him, he seemed genuine, nice, intellegent, and interested. He's a ref for highschool basketball, has a good job (he must stay closeted for), owns a home, and seems to have a good head on his shoulders. He's not out to anyone really, except a couple of friends I think, but his attitude is seems that he's very comfortable with who he is, and he seems like he's not really trying to hide much anymore, and want's to find someone, and coming out is something that he's seriously looking at in the near future. He's 35.

I'm 26, just came out to my Mom on Thanksgiving, and she's dealing pretty well, and I plan on coming out to the rest of my family in the near future, once she has had time to deal with it.

This guy seems to be playing by some kind of rule book, he calls at the right time, and says the right things. I'm pretty excited, and I want to get to know him better. The only thing is, he has recently adopted a teen-age son, and is looking at adopting the 10 month old brother of the new son, some time in the near future. We talked about the fact that the new kid doesn't know about him being gay, but it seemed like he intended to tell him at some point.

I guess, I needed to organize this in my head, and I was wondering what you guy think of the situation. Have any of you been in this kind of situation before? Just sending it out there.

At this point I don't think I want to have a quick sexual relationship with anyone, so I don't think I'm willing to be a lunch and hookup date. So I am playing it from the stand point that I want to DATE this guy and get to know him and see if something real could develop. I like kids, and I am not adverse to him having children, it would actually be nice to be around kids.

So, just some thoughts would be nice. Thanks for listening guys, I love you all.

(1) I don't really pop into these sections of the Board to comment, so I'm a bit out of place here, and (2) I'm single, so I probably don't have the right to offer you relationship advice, MSU, but I wanted to comment and say that if he's a sports official, you can't go wrong with that. wink

Sports officials (at least 99% of us) do tend to have this sense of honor, loyalty, honesty, and other admirable qualities, and it sounds like this guy does as well. Plus, amateur sports officials all have one thing in common: A love of kids. This is one quality of his that says a lot about his heart, MSU.

No situation's going to be perfect, and this one has two problems:

1) He's not out and doesn't intend to be
2) He's got kids which was not something you'd thought of before (which I think is normal).

Regarding #1, this is something that can always change. I didn't come out to everyone I know until I got into a serious relationship and realized how important it was to me. At the time I had a high security clearance and worked in a military facility, so it was hard with work, but it was worth it. I'm just saying that he may choose to come out later and I don't think it should be a deal breaker. However, he should know up front that at some point, it will probably cause a problem, and he won't have much in the way of an argument (in other words, it's always his fault). I was the offender in my relationship for a while, so I know that side of it.

As far as #2, I think it says a lot about him that he's wiling to take on kids, that alone would make me very attracted to him (assuming I already liked his personality). But I want kids. As far as how you feel, I think that if kids are a deal breaker for you, there's nothing wrong with that at all, it's not something you should feel bad about. I am really proud of some of my friends who admit to themselves that they don't want kids and don't give into the pressure to have them.

I'd say give it a try, let him know you're a little nervous about it and see how it goes.

How dare you take this thread! wink


Anyways, not that I have ANY right to give any advice considering the situation I am in........


But I would just go for what you want, the 'get to you know you, not your dick' relationship. In my situation above, I met this guy with absolutely no intention of doing anything with him and then we really became good friends. THen the whole issue of 'dating' came up when I found out he swings the right way wink and I just chose to take it easy and just hang out, get to know eachother, etc. And just like you, this guy does everything at the right time. And at this point, I think I really do want to take things the next step with this guy cause he is just awesome. The other guy I was kind of seeing was good, but nothing like this and after talking to him I just felt that there was not much of a future. I wouldn't worry about the kids, assuming you are fine with it (which it sounds like you are). If he didn't want to tell his kids, then I might be a little skeptical, but that's not the case. I would just talk to him and tell him that you want to hang out and get to know him some more and see where it develops (I don't know if he is looking for that little lunch and f**k guy or what??).

My advice is just to hang out with him some more..........

Sorry that I included a mini-update of me in here as well!

Illi, I hijacked your thread, feel free to provide updates, and pictures too, if you like. he he he

It sounds like you guys think the same way I do on this, thanks for the input, it's nice to hear other peoples opinions.

a few of the rules I have in my love life.

1. I never date a man in the closet. You always feel like a mistress cheating around the wife. and you have to be careful of where you two can go and when you can talk. (Did that dating closetcase thing twice. never again)

2. Always lay your cards out on the table. Doesn't mean you spill your guts about every single thing. But if it's something like "Hey. I wanna sleep with someone else" You must let the other guy know.

Maybe he'll say "that's ok"
Maybe he'll tell you to f**k off.
But you have to let the other party know. because I guarantee you, even the guy who would have been ok with multi-dating at the start will be pissed off when he finds out you've been seeing someone else for 2 months and didn't tell him.

Don't worry about "ruining his visit". If I were him, I'd much rather know the situation than have fun while blissfully ignorant.

No matter who you decide to choose, a relationship is based on trust and honesty.

[ December 18, 2003, 02:05 PM: Message edited by: ung ]

Great Advice so far. Illini- everybody trying their best to help. Wouldn't it be nice if we all followed the advice we give? Come on guys- we've all been in his shoes before. And we've just about to the man chased the bi-hung to see if we could grab the brass ring. We're all on this board because we like to compete- we like a challenge. Illini- you got a big challenge. The game is all yours.

Illini-follow your heart but try and drive the truck, dude. If the bi-guy (Mr. Bod) starts playing games - we gotta be able to pull the trigger and dump him. If you chase chase chase, you set yourself up for a big crash. We've all been there. My bi guy - moved to Chicago and got married to cute blond who's a news anchor on Chicago TV station. Best sex I ever had. Never told me why I got dumped. Just dumped.

Good news. Your friends here - will still be here. That's my two bits.

[ December 18, 2003, 04:56 PM: Message edited by: Eastsidewa ]

Eastside- We were talking the other day and I found out the last time he had been with a girl was in high school. He graduated from college last spring. He pretty much said he was gay. I don't think he has a hard time admitting it, at least not around me. And don't worry, I'm not really chasing him, he's been the one after me...I just go along! I have my first official gay date tomorrow night!

Wish me luck....

[ December 18, 2003, 08:16 PM: Message edited by: illini n milwaukee ]

A date? How exciting! I hope everything works out well for you.

Be polite to his parents, don't stay out too late, tomorrow a school...oh wait, this is Friday night...Never mind!

Sheesh, I must get out more, Illini, because your situation is playing out to be like a reality tv show for me!

GOOD LUCK

Vicarious Thrills? We're all helping. wink wink Just kidding. Seems you're heading in the right direction. Can't re-iterate that communication is the key. We've all screwed up before by presuming that the other guy can read our minds. And then sometimes things that should be communicated (body language wise or said) do not happen. Build on your commonality of swimming and sports. The key is of course to have fun and not wanting the date to end. Bon Chance! Mon Ami.

PS. Clean clothes and a shower will help- just kidding.
wink wink

And 2nd PS. And nice compliment from Board Master about the way you correctly post your super duper photos Posting Photo's on Discussion Board

[ December 19, 2003, 09:00 AM: Message edited by: Eastsidewa ]

wait.... I'm confused. your FIRST gay date? are you just coming out? eek!

I'm not. For me, the first date is about making good impressions. If someone looks like they just crawled out of bed and especially if they didn't shower, that's major points off in my book.

No, I'm not just coming out. I've just never really dated a guy..........

And yes, I think I might just hop in the shower first. Perfect timing too, I just bought new cologne and body wash......

Cool! Okay, sex is not a requiremnt on the first date. Go light on the cologne, you want this to be about you, not what you're wearing. Be yourself. You're already off to a good start, you have some things in common. Make sure you go somewhere that you can hear each other. Places that are too loud are an annoyance and may give the message that you don't want to hear what the other person is saying.

Have fun! The most important part. Oh, and don't give him any of these... :mad: Those are mine! wink

(sniff) (sniff)...Our little boy is all grown up. By the time I'm posting this you must be on your date. I hope it's going well!

It's not? Hmm, look what y'all have done!! Now I'll have to rethink my ENTIRE dating ritual!!

Illini: Did I miss the update? You can't do this? And how did the date end? wink wink

Sex is the easy part. Anyone can get sex. You're not "let's just skip dinner and do it right here", are you???

wink

This is kind of weird, but I find that if I want sex, I can travel an hour and find anything I want in Missoula, but if I'm intersted in someone for a relationship, I am tending toward this weird trend of wanting to date for awhile before doing anything with the guy. I've had 3 dates with my new guy, and I haven't even kissed him yet. Sex just seems to get in the way sometimes. I mean, Straight people date all the time and don't necessarly have sex, why can't I? LOL

I guess I'm just an old fashioned kinda guy ... have sex with him and then go out on a date. wink

You sure you dont mean sin city? Ooops nevermind...

You wouldn't give me any in Sin City. Remember? wink

hmmm.... well some of us arent cheap and easy...

Wait, $5 all you can drink beer... yes, i am cheap.

Man tonka, who do you think I am!? Do you think I soak myself with cologne?? :mad: ( wink ). Nothing wrong with smelling nice (and by the way he did mention that I smelled good, so ha!) on a date.

It went very, very well. We went to one of my favorite restaurants (lucky guess for him!) and then just rented a movie cause it was crummy out...imagine that, crummy in Wisconsin in December. No, we didn't have sex eastside! lol.....but we did have a good time . Then Sunday we hung out for a while, watched some football.....and what do you know, he has a thing for Drew Brees too. At least I found someone who has that in common with me! On Saturday, he's taking me to the Purdue basketball game, so that should be fun (I like those Purdue guys ). Then on Sunday he's flying down for Purdue's bowl game, so I won't get to see him for about a week. :mad:

And I think I just set the record for most 'graemlins' in a single post.....

That's you? From the \"Real Men of Genius\" commercials--Mr. Way-Too-Much-Cologne Wearer??? Wow!

I count 7. The board allows 8. I know because I exceeded it once and it wouldn't let a post go through until I cut out the extras (and I think it includes any that are quoted from earlier posts, too). So all you can do is tie the record.

So it sounds like things are going well with this guy. Very good!

All I know, is that if I want to nibble on your neck(and I do), I want to taste you, not cologne.

And I'm sure you smell just fine without cologne! wink I'm just not a cologne wearing kinda guy.

I usually just spray it on my shirt. I know that's not a "right" thing to do, but it's never ruined any of my shirts, so it works for me.

Plus, I think my cologne not only smells good, but smells like it would taste good! It's yummy! wink

I guess you would have liked Sunday better Tonka.....I came over after working out...

Illini..you made my eyes go eek! because I just read the beginning part of your last post..then I realized you were talking about cologne!

I usually spray a minimum amouint of the fragrance of choice on my bod. I don't want it to be overpowering. I have a mini cologne bar in the a bathroom so I haven't bought a new scent in many many moons.

Nice to hear that your date went well. I also commend you on taking things slowly. Nice job. I really hope things work out for you & stud man. Have a great Christmas.

Woof Illini, you sure know how to work a guy....up! wink

I'm glad your date went well. You take care and have a Good Christmas. I will be playing in the snow on the mountain with all the other Busters.

Perfect flirting opportunity, the bf hates winter sports, so I'm skiing with a neighbor.

Illini: Thanks for the update. BTW: I didn't ask if you had sex? All I asked was "How did it end?" I was more interested in a "romantic kiss" or a clumsy kiss or handsake? Sounds like the connection is good. Too bad you can't be in Orlando for the Capital One Bowl (tell your guy to stay away from The Parliment House wink wink )
So it begs the question: What Cologne? I'm digging A&F lately even though it's not PC. Thanks again for the update.

[ December 24, 2003, 10:10 AM: Message edited by: Eastsidewa ]

Ah, alternating between this thread and 'who would you like to kill' is really odd.... wink


Joe, Mariner, Tonka, eastside and EVERYONE else........Thanks for all of your help and suggestions.

Tonka, don't lick the side of the ski lift... wink


Eastside, it's Lacoste cologne. I just randomly saw it and randomly smelled it and I liked it.

I get a lot of "you smell good" from women (too bad for them, ha!). We ended our date with a kiss...or two. A very romantic one (no handshake :confused: )

Have a great Christmas everyone, take care.

[ December 24, 2003, 12:36 PM: Message edited by: illini n milwaukee ]

illini, you should check out the lacoste ad at their website for the men's cologne. It's hot.

asfunction:doVideoBIG,20s

Hope that works if not; www.lacoste.com, click english, click perfume, click lacoste pour homme, click bottom icon for advertising, then TV ad.

And I won't be licking anything til I get home to my sweetie. :mad:

No, definitely not. After all, you can't have sex on an empty stomach....

Illini, congratulations. Keep us updated.

Re: cologne. I do what I saw Kyan recommend on Queer Eye: I spritz some a few feet above me and in the front and then I walk through the resulting mist. Keeps it off the clothes and doesn't leave a big patch of it on your neck. But cologne can be too much of a good thing, esp. indoors.

need some advice from you guys.....

let's say that..... hypothetically.. (cough cough)... I was a guy with a "hypothetical" boyfriend.. and we have been dating for more than a year.

Let's say that on two separate occasions, the BF leaves his MSN Messenger signed on on the comp at home. and while I am using it, an IM pops up. ... to an account that I don't recognize as the BF's e-mail.

The first time the BF is alerted to this IM. instead of saying "ok" or "just shut it off" He says, "I don't know what that is. It must have been a friend of mine who left that on"

The second time this happens.. about a year later... another IM box opens up as "I" am scanning the sunday morning news sites. to the same E-mail ID that I don't recognize as one year ago.
I don't reply to the IM, I open the profile for the account signed on to my computer. I find 3 of the BF's pics on the profile.

when I tell him (nonchalant since I don't care about his various memberships.. like my own with Outsports.com or MSN) that "so and so" has sent him an IM, he (like a year ago) says "That's not me. I don't know what you're talking about. I don't know who that is" and then reaches over and signs off the acct.

I didn't tell him about having seen his pics. I just jokingly teased him about his "alter ego" and the guy who IMed him.

I tried to just blow it over and not make a big deal about it.
But the more I think about this stupid lie that really has no reason behind it.... the more ticked off I get.

I mean... One .. I don't like being lied to. and Two.. the same stupid lie twice over a year's time for no reason.

I've caught him in other lies about silly things...like who he had lunch with and the ethnicity of his mother. I know.. just stupid!

so far no lies caught about cheating or things like that. at least not to my knowledge. But I keep wondering... if he lies about these trivial things ... can I really trust him with the big things?

any and all advice would be appreciated.