I am at my wits end. I have an older brother that's mooching off me. During this past year, he was laid-of/ fired from his job and divorcing his wife. He's now living with me. Years ago, I my mother a car. After she retired she let my brother have it, with the condition that he make the payments. That never really happened, until last year. He was making good money and making the payments. But now with his unemployment and impending divorce, I've had to make them. He is now working, but doesn't make the truck payments. For example. I gave him the bills for august and september. I assumed he paid them. But the next thing i know, I get a call at work from the financing company. HOLY SHIT, WHAT THE F*%K !!!. So I paid them, so not to ruin my credit. When October's came, I kept the bill and reminded him 2 weeks before it was due, that i needed the money. He hasn't given it to me. What should I do? Take the keys away? What I don't get is he's making good money. He has a gym membership and, now a girlfriend. He really has his priorities in order. Sure, he's paying his lawyer and child support / alimony. But where's my cut? He doesn't think what he's doing to me and my slowly diminishing checkbook. I am not the confrontational type. I'm very laid back (maybe that's why he's taking advantage of me). I just don't know what to do.

Well...I've cut-off my mooching sister, but I'm not sure how practical that is to your situation since she can't mooch much from me to being with. I do know most of my other siblings have done the same, leaving my parents (and the state ) on the hook for her.


But is your brother trying to get a job right now?

he has been employed for the past 2 months, making good money. Besides his lawyer, ex-wife, girlfriend and the gym, i don't know where his money going.

Be up front with him. Tell him that now that he's working again, you need money for the car payments. Give him one more month notice, and that if he doesn't begin paying soon, you'll sell the vehicle or take it for yourself.

I can be very confrontational. Give me his cell and I'll clue him in. Seriously, I have no problem with that.

You're just looking for another date!

LOL...win/win in my book.

I would give him 30 days to get his act together or ELSE. PERIOD!!!!!!!!!! stories like this that I have heard over the years , like this, never seem to get better.

Recently, I have an extended family member that was divorcing her 3rd husband, has 2 kids and no job. Husband makes major, major money. She wants to leave him and go on her own. She has not worked or had to work in years. She was looking for someone to buy her a 5 bedroom house so she could get started again and when she did she would take over the mortgage payments.

After a few emails from her I told her NO. When I did I felt such a relief. I know it is hard to say NO to family at times but if we dont we will get more and more sucked up into endless problems. What is so interesting on this subject is that when we do say NO , they turn it around and play the victim. What about us becoming a victim if we dont say NO.

Oh God ausmus11. I have a brother who's also a moocher. He's in his mid-fifties & to this day hasn't changed. My entire family has basically put him in his place. He now knows not to ask us for money/a place to stay. And when he tries his "lay-a-guilt-trip-on-the-family" approach we no longer cave in. It's one thing when you have an immediate family member or anyone you love to be in a bind. We all have had those moments in life where our luck seems to have hit a huge wall. Hey, support them to the best of your financial & emotional ability--so long it doesn't drain you either way. But once they're back on their feet, then I'd have no qualms w/ confronting the individual and/or taking drastic measures, ie an ultimatum. Don't be taken for a ride even if he is your brother. You'll feel better about yourself, sleep like a baby at night & you'll avoid future resentments & headaches. Trust me on this one. I've been there, done that.

Well, I told my brother to pay his bills. This all came about when he talked to his ex-wife. I still talk to his ex-wife and I guess they had an argument about bills. She basically told him he needed to deal with his debts. He called me demanding I not talk about him with her and kinda threatened me ( he could block my e-mail / IM ). I told him whatever, to pay his bills and hung up on him. Who knows what will happen now. I like the advice ya'll have given me. I know now not to give him anything else. I also get the woe-is-me, "I'll get out of your life forever" attitude.

Ausmus

If you're brother is mooching, and not paying his bills, way are you still letting him stay with you? One way to deal with it is to kick him out, and then take an ad in the local paper that says "I, XXXXX, as of (insert date) will no longer be responsible for any and all debts incurred by YYYYY"

I'm not sure if it works where you live, but up here, a lot of ex husbands do it so that the finance companies don't come after them when the ex wives open accounts and list their ex husbands.

If he's not going to change, maybe he needs to dumpster dive for a while to straighten himself out.

Good luck ausmus....let us know how this ends up. He's your brother, obviously you want to help him and guide him in the right direction, but not at your expense.

If he still doesn't get it, you could always accidentally give him a link to this thread. (As long as he knows you're gay of course. )

Cut him off completely, and kick him out. If he's making good money, IE a living wage, he can certainly find a place to live on his own, in addition to paying his car payments/alimony/lawyer's fees/whatever. He needs to take care of his own damn self and not let you baby him.

OK -

First he is family no matter what. But you supported him while he was out of work, Good for you - now he is working. Get out of his private life.

Make an appointment to go to the finance company. tell him when and where to show up.

Transfer the loan from you to him.

If he doesn't show up, then tell the loan company you want the car repossesed. Yes, you will probably pay for it - but tat will be the end of the problem.

Is he still living with you now that he has a job? If so, then tell him he has 30 days to find an apartment of his own.

Why could he block your email, etc? Get and pay for your own computer and ISP account. Prices have never been cheaper.

Don't talk to his ex wife. How would you feel if he called up your ex to talk about you?

Talk to him directly and like an adult.

Love is unconditional. That doesn't mean you have to be taken advantage of forever.

Tell him you love him, but that he has to grow up and take care of business.

If he can't, then maybe it is time for some tough love: kick his ass to the curb, and tell the tow company to pick up the car.

R[size=3]

Rob

Remind him that he's your BROTHER, NOT your dependent! You're willing to help him out but he needs to help himself out! Dealing with family can be tricky but don't let him take advantage of the situation. If you don't let him know, he'll probably continue "exploiting" your support. That sounds bad but I had to serve it to my brother like that.