I know I over analyze everything but I just hate brushing everything aside as coincidences.

Let me start with my story, and of course all the details since that's how I am:

Went to the gym played basketball. Teamed up with this ultimate hottie. I got into the showers first, then he followed a few minutes after. He chose the stall directly across from me. We both took our times but nothing sexual or anything. Dressing, I decided to strike up a conversation asking about his tattoos and such, and he was comfortable talking to me while he was still naked. We get done at the same time and walk out together just chit chatting. I told him my schedule of when I play at this gym. He tells me he normally goes to the one closer to his house but decided to come here instead. Cool I'll see him next time?

Tuesday rolls around and sure enough he's there again. Same thing, after basketball I get in the shower first, he follows and chooses the stall directly across from me again. Again nothing sexual, but this time I get braver and make small talk with him in the shower. I zip out of there and am fighting myself pondering my next move. He's getting in his car and I drive up next to him and ask him what he's doing that night he says sleeping because of work in the morning. I ask him for his number, which he gives me. I call him 5 minutes later and tell him I'm gay. He says cool that's what he thought, he isn't gay, just as long as I respect his boundaries. He says he'll call me Thursday.

Thursday and he doesn't call. Me knowing how I am, get pissed and text him this morning and call him a cock tease. He's furious and goes off on me saying he's not gay, he wasn't flirting, said I was sketch for waiting for him to come to his car, all that and tells me to remove his number. I text back saying sorry I over analyze everything and I apologize. He says he doesn't forgive nor forget and his trust me be earned. Then he says he'll stick to the hoops but nothing further.

Am I over analyzing again with that last line that there may be a slight chance? Or should I just give up? Straight boys confuse me...

Dean,

This guy was teasing you. I've met plenty of 'straight' guys in the course of my long gay-guy life. On the other hand, he might be hoping you like girls too, and would like to engineer a mm4w three-way.

TRL

I think it's best to remember the old saying "If you play with fire,you get burned." Maybe you are very lonely or tired of the typical gay lifestyle. Either way it is never a good idea to pursue more than a friendship with a straight man,unless you enjoy heartbreak and rejection.

IMO, I think you came on way too strong.

Were you wanting to hook up with him? You knew he wasn't gay.

If you didn't hear from him on that Thursday. You should have waited until your next hoops meeting, to aks why. But not go off on him.

Again, just my humble opinion.

you didn't respect his boundries...
I have lots of strait friends who flirt with me all the time, but we do it, because it's safe....nothing is going to happen...

deanwoof - did you consider that you were acting like an idiot? do you consider that you apparently weren't listening when he told you he was straight? people take showers in locker rooms together all the time, that's what they're for...just cause you've been staring at him for days doesn't mean he's gay, you're just overbearing and clueless...

If the straight guy asked for advice, I'd tell him to run.

And change his phone number and join a new gym.

how can he be a cock tease if he told you that he wasn't gay?

darn, i love these straight guys threads.....

I think it might be time to bump my thread from earlier in the summer....

Dean -- sorry to say, man, but I think you really over-reacted. An openness to "hanging out with cool gay guys" ought not be treated as a sexual thing. But if you've apologized, you just got to move on.

1. You way overreacted. You barely know this guy, but then threw a hissy fit when he didn't call you. Wah. Things happen. You don't know why he didn't call... even if he was a friend, you have to give him a chance to explain before you text him making accusations. And he did tell you he was straight. So, even if he was slightly flirty, unless he makes an overt move on you, how can that be construed as being a cock tease?

2. "Nothing further"... meaning if he sees you at the gym, he'll play hoops. But any chance of hanging out outside of the gym, or being friends, is gone. Personally, I bet he goes to the other gym.

Best thing you can do is back off. If he comes back to you, fine, but I doubt that happens. Don't go after him... you'll just look like a desperate gay guy trying to put the moves on a straight guy. Move on, put it behind you.

yeah i know i overreacted about the whole situation. i felt like crap as soon as i sent the text out.

i dont plan on being that creepy stalker guy. and i'll avoid him at all costs and take everyone's advice and just let it come and dont push anything. he's straight. and that's that.


thanks all.

Dean,

I have to give you Kudos for putting yourself on the line. There are guys who like sex with other guys, but abhor the notion of being labeled 'gay'. They are 'straight' as they see themselves, but just the same, like to 'play' with guys.

You may have been just a little forward when you called and proclaimed you are guy. On the other hand, subtlety might be an area where you can practice a new skill set. Examples might be, "Where do you hang out". "What sports besides b-ball do you like, play?" Etc., etc.

And, although you 'took a beating' here on OutSports, don't let that stand in the way of pursuing new opportunities with 'metro' type guys. Just make your approaches a bit cryptic.

Best,

TRL

Yeah man, you just have to chill with that. Think about a friendship that you have with somebody you aren't attractive to. Would you be cool if they called you a cocktease if you didn't call when you said that you would?

In my 28 years, I have come to take every friendship that I make with a guy no matter how hot he is as a non-sexual relationship. Unless they make a blatant move on me, I don't try or say anything. And so far, it has worked.

On the issue of STR8 men being curious about Gay men, I go to a couple of bathhouse/sex clubs in the San Francisco area and one of the clerks at the check-in counter tells me that many of the men who patronize the club appear to be married and have a family.

He knows this because when they open their wallet to take out their ID, he often sees photos of their wives (or girl friends) and their children. They also get a lot of military men (“Don’t ask, don’t tell”) especially during the Navy’s Fleet Week every October. I suspect the guy you met may be just one of the “curious” types who just likes to flirt with other guys and he's not really interested in anything serious with other men.

On the same subject, I go to the bathhouses, but not to have sex with anyone (Honest, I'm not giving you any of that Ted Haggard*** "BS"). In fact, I hardly even go near the XXX “Play areas”. The main reason I (and probably a lot of other guys) go to the baths is that they have a hot tub (and one has a pool) where guys can just soak or swim “Au Natural” together.

***http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ted_Haggard

California Dolphin

I don't get the speed with which so many posters have labelled this guy "straight", closeted or a tease. The guy may be just comfortable enough with his own sexuality and body to know if a gay guy admires his body it has very little to do with his own sexuality.

Seems to me we want straight men to see us as one of the guys but when it happens, we assume there is a hidden "gay" agenda there.

DING DING DING!!!
We have a winner!!

picsoritainttrue

if he's heterosexual, then there's no chance.

i'm pretty sure i didn't change the title of this thread.. . . thanks mods *rolls eyes*

if you're talking about Steamworks in Berkeley, I've seen plenty of XXX action in the hot tub

GREAT ADVICE_ Start as friends - at least you have that. Show him that all gays don't just want to jump straight guys bones. Let him make any sexual moves.

I hate to say this because I am not writing this to piss people off or make someone feel bad about themselves but--- can we just leave the straight boys alone? MOST of them are really are not interested having sex with gay men and that the few who may seem to be flirting are either just unaware or very comfortable with their sexuality as straight, or curious... but that's like a needle in a haystack.
I was talking to a group of gay acquaintances not too long ago, and 3 out of 5 were just talking about the similar instances (or situations) like above... has the gay population dried up and that gay men are now hunting for straight boys? Maybe it's just me, but I prefer the c*ck that I suck or the mouth that I teabag or the butt that I F*ck (or the d*ck that pokes me) is queer, and if a c*ck or mouth or b*tt touches me, I would assume that they are queer and not just a straight guy being horny.

You screwed up dude basically. The guy said he wasnt gay and then you got all chick on him just because he didnt call on that Thursday. I think you should just leave him alone now.

Hey Jeffrey3410
I too have a negative thing about mixing Gay & STR8 play.

For some reason, I am NOT comfortable at all with getting intimately involved with a guy I know is STR8 -especially if I know that he is married -and especially if he and his wife have children.

That's why if I want to hang out with guys, I go to a"Gay Oriented" venue.

California Dolphin

In Dean's defense, I don't think this dude is straight. I just think Dean pressed him too hard. It sounds like the dude is closeted or not ready to deal in the way Dean was looking for and Dean got Emo and it turned out poorly. When I was first coming out I read something I still believe even now that I am mostly into dudes, that if we look at sexuality like a Cartesian Coordinate system, we could imagine it like this...



So we can chart our feelings like in algebra class. If you put numbers on this chart it gets to be fun. Like for me right now in my life on a 10 point scale I'm probably, at (8, -2) because I feel real gay, but other times I'm more like a (6, 4). The Z-axis represents the change over time. I don't think we can box people in and say they are completely gay or straight. From my flirty guy thread the dude is straight but he is definitely 2 months and we'd be naked curious. And many of us, or at least a lot of the gays I know, have had sex with women at least once. That doesn't make us straight it just means we were in a situation and it happened.

Cool math analogies aside, I think what's most important is what choices we make. In the last week I've had encounters with two guys, one gay in a gay bar and one straight guy who sleeps with men, who I met online. The straight guy turned out to be friends of my friends so the potential there was extremely hot and he has a killer body so I was looking forward to hanging out. I set up a date with the gay dude; when I got to his place to pick him up, he informed me that he decided to sit around "smoking all tina day" before I was supposed to see him and wanted to just have sex. The straight guy I saw out last night and had the chance to participate in a group male-female orgy "if I partied".

If I were 23 and the situation didn't involve drugs then I would have totally hit up the orgy, but for this thread my point is that both the out and proud gay dude and the straight dude were on drugs. We live in a day and age where a man can have on a wedding band and have kids and be with another dude. Does that mean it's okay to have sex and be together? I was one of those "confused guys" for years before I figured out what I wanted and gathered the courage to really go after that.

If we look at this message board, most of us identify as gay but at times I read some of the most hurtful, disturbing, and bitchy shit, said in order to tear each other down. Just because someone believes in a label doesn't mean it applies or we have to avoid them because they aren't cool. Gay dudes aren't perfect.

^^^That made absolutely no sense.^^^

Ok, well while we're on the topic. I have a story I want to tell.

In the summer of 2007, at my job, we had this new guy start. And he was just absolutely beautiful. Had a great personality, and I was immediatley attracted to him the moment that I met him.

At that particular point in time, I was quite heavy. This of course depressed me to no end. I had tried for years to get the weight off but nothing seemed to work. One Friday evening we were in the office and he obviously saw that I was sad so he asked me what was the matter. I told him that I was depressed about carrying all this weight.

So anyway, he sort of coached me through. And even was nice enough, even though he didnt really even know me all that well, to buy me a water bottle so I could get in the habit of drinking more water. And he would go eat lunch with me at these healthier places so I would have company (because my other coworkers always went to the junkiest spots around).

When he first started, almost all the office was convinced he was gay (which is still true to this day). I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt though. He did play into a lot of the stereotypes. But I've known a lot of straight guys who do some things like that who are not gay at all. I'm not one of those people who hopes or believes that every guy is gay. Most are not, and that's the reality.

Apparently, he had been dealing with the being labeled gay thing all his life but swore he was straight. And you have to wonder, are all those people over all those years, THAT sorely mistaken? Needless to say we became fast friends and would hang out on a regular basis. I figured it was a win-win situation, because even if he wasn't gay, this was a person who would be a good friend to me.

But anyway, as the months go by and the pounds shed off. There became a consistent pattern of behavior towards me which went beyond any normal straight friendship. We went to the grocery store to pick up a salad and he asked me if I wanted to "make a date" out of it. And I said "What?!?". And he goes "you heard me". Then one day, out of the blue, he sends me an IM through the work computer that says "Love you" with a smiley face posted on it. I was kind of startled so I didn't respond back. Another time I'm working at my computer he comes up behind me and presses some part of his midsection up against the back of my head. I turned around, startled again, and said "what the hell?" and he just smiled. Yet another time, he was walking behind me and says "beautiful inside and out" - almost like it was under his breath. I turned back and said "what did you just say?" - and he covered it up like he said something else. We went hiking one time and as I was sitting on back of my car changing my shoes, he asked if he could smell my hiking socks.

So all the while, he has a girl friend and they have some sort of sexual relationship together. So this was all very confusing. In the meantime, I was starting to become very depressed again because I was a completely in the closet bisexual and never really had any meaningful relationship and just wanted to know what it was like to love somebody on a deep level. But I never really pursued anything because I was always ashamed of myself. This weighed on me from time to time and he kept pressing me as to what was wrong. I knew that if I were going to be more honest about my sexuality, I would want to first tell people who would at least be understanding and still be a friend. I remember one time, we were eating out together and the song "Father Figure" by George Michael came on. And I pointed out that fact that the song was actually about a younger male lover - which people didn't really make the connection to until he revealed he was gay. And he said to me "what's wrong with that?".

So at the very least, from that vantage point, I thought he would be accepting enough to still want to be close friends. So finally one day, I had had enough of hiding it, and I confided in him. He didn't really say much and acted like he was ok with it. A couple of week later he sends me this message saying that he felt "taken advantage of" and how he's not close friends with gays and whatnot. And that basically we shouldnt hang out outside of work anymore. In the year we had been friends, not once did I make a pass at him and kept the thing totally platonic. I wasn't necessarily asking him to be my significant other, I just wanted him to be friends with me because I liked him as a person. I had a lot of fun (not that kind of fun), and we had a lot of laughs. When I pointed out all that stuff that he said and did, his response was "I can't be responsible for how people interpret my actions". Which is basically saying that he is giving himself a license to treat other people like shit.

So my general question is, it seems like a slam dunk, but what is everybody's read on this person. It clearly looks like he's trying to throw me under the bus. He has a girlfriend so he might not be completely gay. But why do that to someone?

I think there are probably some straight guys out there who like the attention from gay guys, but are still straight....
Nothing wrong with it....Just don't start thinking it'll ever go past a good friendship, and you both will end up getting something special out of it...

Preach on, brother.

Novaguy -- that guy clearly has some issues. Seems to me the true struggle everyone on this planet has is to be their own true selves, no matter how other people act, react and think. Seems to me you are way ahead of that guy in this regard.

I think it's a big mistake to try to "figure out" what other people are holding in. You just don't know until they decide to reveal it. It's much more productive to focus on understanding and being honest with yourself.

Novaguy's experience also drives home my belief that coming out to people "in the abstract," by which I mean for no purpose other than to tell someone of your sexual preference, is often risky and pointless. If you're introducing someone to a boyfriend or partner, for example, then coming out makes sense and doesn't suggest an ulterior motive, which Novaguy's friend apparently felt. My default position is that this information is personal, and shared only on an as-needed basis. Wouldn't you feel a bit uncomfortable if a straight friend just started randomly sharing information about what sexual positions he prefers with his wife?

I see what you're saying but he had pressed me over several months as to what was wrong. And then at the tail end of it before I told him asked me point blank if I was gay. You're absolutely right. I would not divulge that sort of information freely. I believe that a person's sexuality is mostly a private matter. But when it starts affecting your emotional well-being in a huge way - you can't keep it bottled in forever.

I wish there was a chance with a straight guy. I have fallen for two guys at my work place. One is a coworker. One is a customer.

My coworker is a couple of years younger than I am. He's big guy (nice beer belly) with tattoos and a hairy chest. He keeps his head shaved and sports a nice goatee. He shaves his face about every 2-3 days. I never thought he was attractive, or my type. But the more time I spend with him, the more attracted I am to him. He doesn't know I'm gay and has even said some derogatory things about gays. Anyways, I don't mind, it's just the way he was raised. He's always going on and on about his sexual exploits and stuff. I get completely turned on whenever I am near him. he just exudes sexuality. He even yanks on his package, in his droopy drawers. I swear he has a snake, dying to get out. There was one day, I was speaking to him about 15 minutes. I walked away with a wet spot in my briefs. The other day he had a spot of grease on his cheek. I took a chance and wiped it off. It felt so good touching his unshaven face. I know I felt sparks. If he needs help, he'll wink at me for help. I just melt and drop everything to be next to him. I love when his back is turned to me, while he's working at his bench. I just want to massage his back or rub his love handles. They are so juicy, thick.

My customer is a young fella. He's from Florida and is working in the area to clear debris from bayous. He reminds me a lot of Ryan Kwaaten from True Blood. He's a blond beauty with a nice Southern accent. He either comes in wearing a ball cap or a panama hat. He wears some of the tightest tees or muscle shirts. Usually he'll come in with an arm load of chains, to be sharpened. When he lifts up those chains to give to me, he has some amazing biceps, and lightly wet, hairy arm pits. And his eyes are so warm and inviting. I just get butterflies and goose bumps seeing or talking to him. He's always so full of compliments. He loves the service we give him. I would love to service him more. This past weekend he came in, with what looked like to be painted on jeans. He just has to know I'm attracted to him. I know my face lights up when I see him.

I wish to hell these guys were as attracted to me, as I am, of them.

If you're just looking for a quick roll in the hay, bide your time, guys are guys, and as guys, we all get "horned" up enough to do something we might regret once we're spent... Just don't hold you're breath for a harlequin romance, at best, you might get a lil' double dipp'n. If you want anything more, leave the straight boys for the honeycomb, and take a real man to bed.

I've known a number of straight men -- and they are straight -- who are comfortable enough with their sexaulity to respond to m2m flirting, or even initiate it -- but are not comfortable enough to act on it. It's a cocktease. I've learned the hard way: avoid them. If oyu're looking for romance and/or sex, stick to gay guys. No guarantees your heart won't be broken (or your dick won't get what it wants), but it'll happen for the right reasons.

Regardless of how this played out, you did the best you could. We all do. You've learned something. We all did.

Man, I lead a dull existence.

Maybe cuz I EASILY gross out by foul smells that the thought of wanting to smell someone's dirty sox makes me want to vomit. I remember goin to Pride one year up in SF & my friends & I went to the party usually held @ City Hall on Sat night. Great venue, gorgeous people & bods, lots of fun, etc. But I happened to REALLY notice that as the evening went on the smell of bo was becoming overwhelming & disgusting. I mean it was REALLY bad. We're talking about hundreds of men, most of which are shirtless. @ any rate, I happened to mention it to one of my friends who lives in SF. He said that many gay men intentionally don't use deodorant cuz they like the smell of bo (& actually he said, at the time, that gay men particularly in SF). My reaction: Eew! ...As the ole saying goes, "Different strokes for different folks!"

The smell of an athletic man... Oh BABY! The smell of an athletic man with B/O... take a shower and let's talk after. I believe start off clean and get dirty.

Now the sweaty smell of a man that has just been sexed, whole 'nother story, entirely...

Now imagine 1 athletic man w/ bo X 1k.

In fact, as much as I LOVE PARIS I challenge you to take a metro train there during the hot & humid summer months.

Well, there's BO and then there's BO.

The smell of a man who started out clean (no BO), and as a result of physical activity now smells musky can be erotic; however, he probably should hit the showers before he ripens to the "ew" stage BO.

Since we're talking about odors, I find colognes and perfumes disgusting especially in the amounts people who wear that sort of thing put on. Some seem to marinate in it. I shouldn't be able to smell your cologne unless you're hugging me. If I can smell it from 10 feet away, you're a fire hazard.

You are right on the mark, Puschkin! It's worst when you are stuck next to them on a plane or another close environment. And I don't get the people who wear cologne at the gym. But it is nice to smell the cologne on a shirt that has just been taken off.

As for other scents of men, well, the scent that lingers on the bed sheets after he's gotten up, drives me wild. Or rolling over to feel the warmth of the sheets! Jeez Louise!

Completely off-topic: SCTrojan I get a kick out of your avatars, but I hope I never sign on here hungover. Those flashing flags can make the room spin!

lol BBC! Way back when during my partying phase there was an underground [mostly] gay club in LA known as Sit & Spin. Your comment 'bout my avatars reminded me of the great times I had there w/ my friends.

...Yeah I wish I could slow it down. But you know me I'll tire of it in a few weeks & change it to something else.

Edit:

Yeah Puschkin I'm w/ you 'bout using too much cologne & bo v. BO!

Ughhh...

So I was out at a bar two nights ago with a few friends. One of my friends sisters was there and she (the sister) had invited a couple of people who I didn't know. Anyway I met them in line and we did introductions and what not, which would have been good except the second I saw this guy and he smiled at me and shook my hand I baisically lost all ability to think or form words. Not only did his name not register, but I sorta just started blushing and managed to stammer out "good to meetcha" before looking away and feeling like and absolute idiot.

So fast forward to inside, a few people go up to get drinks for everyone, a few people go off to the bathroom, and one way or another I'm left standing beside this guy and it's just us. So after a slight awkward pause, I manage to untie my tong long enough to start up some lame conversation with the guy, touching on all the wrong/boring topics, i.e. age, job, etc. Anyway, he sorta played along and at this point I am completely unable to make eye contact but manage to make some jokes about the crowd being really young, feeling old, and hey maybe I can go home with an eighteen year old or something... TBH it was more verbal diarrhea then a conversation but he humored me. At this point I still had no idea what his name was but I was lucky enough to be saved by the arrival of drinks. I finish my drink in record time and then go to the washroom as a convenient out.

The next half hour is pretty anticlimactic. I did manage to corner the my friends sister (she knows Im gay) and try to find out a little about mystery boy. What I learned was: one of the other girls there was his ex, he went to the same highschool I did but a couple years ahead... and I still forgot to get his name.

Anyway down on the dancefloor, we're cutting it up pretty well and I keep getting looks from him which implies that he might be interested. There's a problem, though. At this point I have already made enough of an ass of myself with him that I can't actually maintain eye-contact. Instead I just start to blush and turn away like some 14 year old girl at a school dance.

I ended up leaving because I was feeling so awkward about the whole situation.

Anyway my problem is this.

I'm not sure if he's straight gay, or bi. Regardless I would still like to try to pursue something. The problem is how the hell do I go about doing this after the totally awkward and uncharacteristic behavior on my part?

Dan-

First, take a deep breath and relax. Most of us have been where you've been before. You meet a guy, feel awkward, and afterwards you second guess what you did. I'm willing to bet that you did not come across to him the way you think you did. And, in your case, the awkwardness is, no doubt, one of your charms!

Why don't you find out from your friend whether he's gay? If he is, tell her you'd like to see him again. Perhaps you can ask her to pass your number along to him. Better yet, maybe she can arrange another get-together. You could also ask for his number. When you do meet up with him again, try not to be shy. Don't try to make excuses for how you behaved the first time you met. Say, "Hey, I'd like to get to know you. I'm a little tongue-tied around people at first, and I can get a little goofy sometimes, but I'm pretty cool once you get to know me."

I'd suggest getting to know him outside of a bar or club. Your friend probably knows his interests and knows yours. Perhaps, you can both brainstorm and figure something out.

Go with your strengths, Dan. Be confident, but not cocky. You'll figure out the difference between the two. Don't be so concerned with what he might think of you. If it works out, great. If not, you might make a new friend, and you can't have enough of those.

Above all, Be yourself!!!

Altho BBC gives you great advice Dan, imho I think that it would best be applied to a scenario in which you know for sure that a particular guy is gay. In this instance you don't know if he is or not. Or even if he is he might be in the closet considering that he has an ex-girlfriend. That said, I certainly ask if he's gay. If he is then, yeah either pass him your # via a friend or ask your friend to set up another get together & then take it from there.

Btw, whether he's gay or not I don't think you made an ass of yourself considering that he kept giving you looks on the dance floor. But not to burst your bubble those looks could have been other things too. Maybe he liked the way you danced, for ie. I sure hope that he's interested in you but don't get your hopes up too high right now. Been there done that! Just sayin...

Good luck & keep us posted.

I still swoon over the guy I had to remodel my bathroom. I've known him for about five years, and he has known my feelings toward him since day one. He's about my age, gainfully employed at a union shop, owns his own home, truck and boat, killer smile, shaved smooth all over, and a body builder. Oh, did I forget to mention his great personality? Still single, which usually provides a ray of hope, but not in this case. About a year ago, we went to the beach together (without his boat) and we both got pretty tanked. We came back to my house, and I insisted he lay down for a while before driving home...neither of us were in any kind of shape to drive. I wanted to jump his bones so badly I could taste it. I really, really thought I stood a chance, but I fell asleep/passed out. In hindsight, I am glad I did not do anything. As he was working on my bathroom, I brought that glorious day at the beach up in conversation...he told me I was right...I did not stand a chance. It would have ruined our friendship. During the two weeks of bathroom remodeling hell, I would tease him ever so slightly, and I could tell he did not feel comfortable with it. There just ain't no way with this one, unless I lace his cocktails with GHB (date-rape drug), which I am not about to do. I'd rather have a willing man than a drugged one, even though "J" is quite delicious. I mean REALLY delicious. I can hardly wait for him to start remodeling my kitchen.

Very funny! I am currently sitting here killing time while my best friend--hot, straight, retired Miami cop--is remodling MY bathroom! I just texted his wife that I'm watching him polishing his pipe...!
He and I flirt all the time, but we do it because it's safe. He likes women, and I would never do anything to hurt my partner....
(He's a bodybuilder, but furry.....)
Life is good.

I think we as gay men need to figure out the art of the flirting with gay and straight alike. It makes life a lot less stressful when you don't have to be satisfied just by getting a sexual outcome. Since I've been back in the Midwest I've come across several straight/married men who've given me so much sexual energy you'd think we were in the Middle East and they were winking at me while wearing a burka.

I focus on thinking that this isn't going to go anywhere and just enjoy the compliment and have a good time talking. Unless of course you're just trying to have sex. I met a dude at a party recently who was one of my types - meaty with a nice smile and a military guy - but after I hit on him he brought up his wife, then kept chatting me up. As jerk off fodder, I totally will use him in a fantasy but in real life, I'd rather try and figure out how to get into the pants of the gay dude back in California who is quirky and into me.