hey guys,

im a 23 year old, just out of college and still in the closet. i am planning to come out of the closet soon and just wanted some advice. i plan to tell my immediate family in person or on the phone, but i was wondering what people thought of informing FRIENDS via Facebook. what do people think? has anyone on here announced the news through a facebook status update or something??

I think that's a bad idea. I've always thought personal information like that should be shared on a need-to-know basis. You don't, in my opinion, need to broadcast your sexual orientation to people. If the subject becomes relevant in an important relationship, and the other person doesn't seem to know, that would be a good time to share it.

Hmm, interesting question. I hesitate to "friend" guys I know from the gym just because I am paranoid about the locker room. (As if the 4-inch stilettos I wear don't give it away -- hell on the treadmill.)

One reason not to is employment reasons. Apparently prospective employers are accessing FB pages to see who exactly they are interviewing. Depending on your field, it might cause problems for you.

The other part of me wants to tell you to do it and if anyone has a problem with it f*** them!

And, oh yea, friend me!

thanks for the input.

SFTom, i just really dont like awkward conversations, and i feel like just putting it as my status will pretty much put an end to having "that" conversation/mention anymore.

TC, i would announce it via a status update, NOT by putting it into the "interested in" column.

i look forward to more input

csmith, I have interested in men in my info. I don't think many pay attention to what's stated in that section. I have gotten many messages or IMs wanting to set me up with a sister or girl friend(s) of a friend. Or some guys think I'm attracted to women.

I also don't hide who I am on Status updates. Some people get it, others don't. Some have flatly asked me if I'm gay or not. That's when I tell them yes I am. I've gotten a lot of cool and positive responses about me being gay.

You need to tell your friends in person that you're coming out of the closet. That's the best was to go unless u write them a letter but I wouldn't do it through facebook!!!

ugh i know, its just that i HATE these types of conversations, especially considering i would have to do it many times over for each friend.

anyone else have any suggestions?

Ummmmmmmm... this is a tough one. On one hand, your private life is your business, and not anyone else's. You choose who you share what with. On the other hand, you would never tell a straight person not to broadcast their sexual orientation to people. I have a problem with that double standard.

If a straight person wants to put that they are interested in the opposite sex in their Facebook profile, or talks about the great person they met the other day, no one says they are broadcasting their sexual orientation. The same with mentioning to someone that you went out on a date, and with whom. That may not be relevant, it may not be an important relationship, but I see no problem with that... unless you know doing so will endanger your personal safety. Let's use some common sense.

However, I don't know that a "post" on Facebook is the best way. I do agree that you should tell your friends and family in person... or at least on the phone. If that's really uncomfortable, sometimes a letter or email to break the ice on the subject is a good way to do it. At least with the people most important to you. While for many people this won't be a big deal to, unfortunately we're not quite at the point where it isn't an issue for everyone. So a personal approach would be best.

As for everyone else... no need to post "I like MEN" in your status update on Facebook. Though I think it's perfectly acceptable to update your "interested in" section. But don't censor yourself. If you want to mention this great guy you met, or the hot UPS driver who flirted with you... LOL well, why not? Those casual acquaintances that don't know should figure it out real quick, without you running down the hallway in pumps yelling "I'm gay."

I'd say it's fine for distant, we-kinda-keep-in-touch sorts of friends. But for closer friends, it often comes out as rather aloof. If these people are important to you, treat them that way - contact them direct.

LXN

I generally agree. I just think it's TMI most of the time to arbitrarily tell everyone your sexual orientation ... whatever your orientation is. If you're seeing someone, then tell them you're seeing someone. If they try to set you up with a girl, then tell them, "no, but maybe her brother." I don't see the need or value in announcing, "hey everyone, just so you're clear about this, I'm gay." Contrary to your implication, straight people generally don't announce their sexual orientation ... they just talk about their dates, or who they think is hot, and so forth. Do you really need to hit someone over the head with a rainbow sledgehammer? Seems like the point is more about generating drama or being an "out and proud" representative of the "gay community." If that's what you want to do ... go for it. You might also consider that most people who know you well have probably already figured it out anyway.

This.

No to Facebook. You want to hvae control over how you come out, and my experience with FB is that once you post there, you have anything BUT control.

I am a BIG advocate of writing letters to those that you feel need to know. It's an excellent way to avoid the difficulty of the face-to-face conversation. If somebody blows up over this information, you don't have to be right there. It also allows you to control the response; you can tell them to contact you when and if they'd like to talk. Oddly enough, I think that it's also more intimate than a conversation. A letter is something that you can keep -- a conversation is gone once it's over.

I was going to say it's the 21st century and you are the tech generation so go for it on Facebook, but even if you do post it online, your friends that care are going to call you anyway to see how you are or to vent that you should have not told them over email. So you might as well buck up and tell them in person. Plus, telling them online won't give you the real reactions, you kind of want to see their physical life so that if they aren't cool with it you will know and won't be shocked that they fall off as a friend. Doing it via email allows people to de-friend you without you anticipating it. I don't know your friends, but I lost one good one in coming out and can't imagine a protracted weird friendship on Facebook where he was secretly judging me. NO Facebook!

I agree, but just to clarify... when I said straight people broadcast their sexual orientation, I didn't mean actually get up in front of people and proclaiming "I'm Straight!" Well, unless you're Mike Piazza, but I digress. But the simple act of putting that you're interested in the opposite sex on your Facebook profile, talking to friends about the person you went on a date on or have a crush on, putting a picture on your desk at work of your bf/gf... these are in essence a way of broadcasting, or telling the world, I'm straight.

thanks to EVERYONE for the input. still deciding what to do and how to do it. i will probably take most of your advice, though, and NOT put it as my facebook status. i may write individual emails, however, to my close friends to tell them. i just HATE having those types of conversations. very awkward and uncomfortable for me.

thanks again to everyone for the input!!