I have had to deal with this crap for a while now. A racist boss who hates my kind but does not come out directly by saying it just insinuating that being queer and non-white is not his cup of tea. I usually stump him with logical arguments that his race isn't known for their love of humanity and before suggesting anything he might want to read his bloody history books first.

Another straight idiot who enjoys asking whether I am the "top or bottom" to which I reply that I would definitely teach him how to be a woman after the game.

It is tough being the only non-white in a group of people who look at me differently and who are spineless in their attitude and outlook.

However, I would like to read more about your experiences with others who openly show their disdain. How do you tackle their bitchiness? What are your preferred come back lines and which ones are the most effective?

Cheers

S4L, as for your boss, I personally wouldn't settle for snappy comebacks. I'd quietly go for the jugular, pointing out that insinuating his issues with non-white queers constitutes harassment, and inviting him to perhaps explain himself to a judge in a court of law. Your company may not have protections for queers, but surely it does for race. This might shut him up.

"Are you a top or a bottom?" Ask him to explain why this is of interest to him; point out that normally only people who are sexually interested in you would ask such a question. Your answer seems adequate to me. In any event, that ought to give him some spine. Or not.

A lot of times just putting it back on them by asking "why do you ask?" or "why would you say something like that?" stops it.

I agree with Sea Craig's reply. Standard, and non-confrontational. Or, perhaps, for a slightly more acidic response, just say "Nanna". When they look at you with a puzzled look, simply add "Nanna your damn business". I've been asked that by straights and always wondered why they were curious...sometimes, there is more than you think to their curiosity.

First thought: I halfway feel like you're writing a comedy act, Sport. You should just come right out and say so brother.

Second thought: Rather than feeding into the negativity I would focus on doing a good job at my place of employment. If this is a "changed scenario" question and you are being teased at school, etc. I'd still say that silence is golden and don't stoop to their level. Racism isn't going away, you might as well put your energy some place positive.

Sport4life, listen to Rob in Maine. His is the best advice! If you are confronted by an individual who derides you due to your sexual orientation, skin color, or ethnicity, you should in no uncertain terms tell that person that you consider it homophobic, racist, bigoted, and prejudicial to you. Bigotry should never be tolerated. And in the workplace it is harassment, creates a hostile work environment, and is grounds for disciplinary action, including dismissal.

Having written the above, if you want comeback lines, here are a few. These are not mine. I've forgotten the source. I've used the last in a social situation.

"Are you aware that the comments you just made have turned this workplace into a poisoned environment?" "If you weren't aware of that, I'll warn you just this once and if it happens again, I'll have to report you for harassment." "The company takes these complaints very seriously and I would hate to see you fired or at the least have your record blemished.”

(Religiously-based comment): "Well, your God doesn't sound very nice to me. Good thing my God loves me the way I am."

(Macho-based comment): "You know, it takes a real man to not be threatened by someone else's love life."

(Clueless straight women, usually saying "what a waste"): "Look at it this way, honey. At least he won't be leaving you in 20 years for a 19 year old with implants"

(Accusations of pedophilia, etc): "Well, studies show most sexual abuse comes from straight male relatives. Really, do you feel comfortable letting your dad babysit the kids alone?

Respond, in a confidential tone of voice: "Bob, you really should be careful about saying things like because people might think you're a self-loathing closet case."

S4L, what's really good about Big Blue Cowboy's answers is that they strike exactly the right tone--not threatening or hostile but unambiguous about making it clear that these kinds of comments are unacceptable and won't be tolerated. WELL done, BBC.

Now I'll be using them myself.

First: thank you all for replying.

After mulling on this for a while, I have decided to leave this job and, presto, people have been coming to me telling me that the "boss" has a rotten reputation in the fitness and health scenes. To the extent that the local sports association has downgraded its level of association with the club.

One important factor is that the environment and relationship between me and the “boss” (a lowlife who does not deserve the privilege of carrying any title) has reached a point where I am just throwing back his crap at him!

Unfortunately, my health is showing stress signs and I just do not think working there is really worth it anymore. Crisis or no crisis, I am worth more than just being the novelty or a proof of how open they can be by employing a “coloured” person. I have reached a low point in my life being here to the extent that I cannot even stand to hear the language anymore. I cannot stand to listen to their one-sided, pseudo-pedagogical arguments as if they were chosen by the Almighty to "civilize" the natives of the world.

The reason I could not take a legal route is because the anti-discrimination laws in my current country of residence might be somewhat stringent, yet they need strong proof, i.e. witnesses, to back up my story. Both the idiot and the vice-director, in keeping with the customs and traditions of this place, never made a public comment about my ethnicity or religion; they walked up to me and whispered it in my EAR!!

Not only do they, like the many in their culture, have no respect towards personal space, but they are outright bigots.

In this country, it feels that non-whites (even if they are citizens) and foreigners are a free for all in terms of prejudice and snide comments. After living here for the better part of my life, I am close to throwing in the towel and moving on to another place altogether where I can focus on my life, career and just not worry about what kind of racism I might need to encounter when teaching.

I did take many of your advice on this page to heart and I had already fought back before I posted anything on this forum. Sorry if I bothered you about this. I guess I needed to talk to someone who might be in a similar situation, and to blow off some steam.

Thank you all again for your kind advice

PS. "jay original", get a life man!

BigBlue,

Those are really cool! Thanks, buddy I will be definitely using them!!

Doodes...so you tell me to get a life and I wasn't going to respond because I actually have a great life. But then
you send me the following PM:

your comment re. my question ( From: sport4life )
Just wanted to tell you that was pretty presumptuous and quite idiotic what you wrote on the board!!!


I guess what I find fascinating is that because you disagreed with my advice I am a "presumptuous idiot who needs to get a life." Meanwhile, you write asking advice on how to defend yourself from "bully jocks" at your job who hurt your feelings with insults. Sounds like you are quite capable of handling yourself or do you just find it easier to throw insults and cut downs toward other gay men?

Another point is that gay men are stereotypically known for snappy/bitchy/queeny/ come back lines so me telling you just to focus on your job, ironically while you are at your job, and ignore negative people was also encouraging you to buck up and not look like some f*g whose skin people are easily able to get up underneath. Because if you let people under your skin they will push your buttons just because they can. Kind of like how I'm pushing your buttons now. Best of luck to you, brother.

Talk to Human Resources, and pull harrassment charges on him....

If it were only that easy, believe me I would have done it and spared both you and myself the whole topic. The talent of these people is that they will expose their true self towards other races or nationalities either only when no one is around or will whisper it in your ear (which goes to show how little respect they have towards others' personal space) in order not to incriminate themselves later on.

Although there are anti-discrimination laws on the books, enforcement relies heavily on evidence. Other than that, it is "Aussage gegen Aussage" which roughly translates as my statement vs. his and whether the circumstances permit such talk/behaviour or not.

Another factor is the complete and utter ignorance that permeates peoples' behaviour and thinking. It is, by all means, very provincial and one-sided. This even extends to the law enforcement agencies and the judiciary.

In the end, I believe that time and providence are on my side. He/they are doomed to repeat their own history, like the proverbial fly and the glass window. I just hope no one I care about, myself included, will have to witness this first-hand.

Thanks again

Actually, it's probably easier than you think to have discriminatory behavior (at least racial discrimination) addressed. You have to put everything in writing. So when you are treated in a discriminatory manner, you fire off a memo to your human resources office describing exactly what happend (don't characterize what happened or what was said--be very factual). If nothing is done, start contacting local and national government anti-discrimination agencies, such as the EEOC. They will take over and investigate.