This is a funny take on soccer from a non-fan. Someone who "believed that soccer is about as exciting as the third hour of a House Commerce Committee hearing ... and encumbered by an idiotic rule forbidding the use of humanity's most agile appendages, the hands ... "

Americans will take to the game because it has the same qualities as the sports we truly love: obnoxious players; criminal players; flaky players; crooked agents; squabbling owners; autocratic bosses; greed; superstars with posses; senseless violence; and gloriously bad taste.

... and, now that we're in full-swing, for those who missed it earlier ...
the NFL fans guide to the World Cup

[quote]Originally posted by DCBucky:
This is a funny take on soccer from a non-fan. [/URL]

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Covers just about everything but a homosex scandal/controversy. We can only hope...

Well, I don't know of an homosex controveries/scandals, but David Beckham is proud of being a gay icon, and Brazilian players gladly pose naked for gay magazines (or so I've been told.)

Well, that was an amusing diversion. My favorite: [quote]Greed: In its June issue, Four Four Two printed an irate editorial denouncing the "hyperinflation of ticket prices," the "outright civil war over broadcast rights" and the fact that "the entire football industry has geared itself to the requirements of the TV paymasters."

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Well, considering what a whore to TV the NFL is and how baseball and basketball schedule things according to the whims of TV (ie, not having an NBA game on Thursday because NBC just has to show repeats of Friends), that fits right in!

And one of the reasons I love futbol is that it doesn't use the hands. Having gone to the park to kick the ball around a few times, it's really, really tough to not kick the ball 10 yards when you're trying merely to dribble it. How the players can stop a 60 yard pass dead on the spot with their feet (ie Bergkamp in the 1998 WC against Argentina) is just amazing.

I've given up trying to convert my fellow Americans to the glory of The Beautiful Game. It's almost a badge of honor to hate it, often with no experience of what a cracking good match is like.

[quote]Originally posted by Lev Stone:
Well, I don't know of an homosex controveries/scandals, but David Beckham is proud of being a gay icon, and Brazilian players gladly pose naked for gay magazines (or so I've been told.)

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You've been told, and I'm going to confirm it. Sexy Bahian Vampetá of Brazil appeared nude in a gay magazine, and some of the photos can be found at The Soccer Locker site, which actually updated its photos on June 6, 2002. Straight footballers posing nude in gay Brazilian magazines is quite common--but they always publicly announce their heterosexuality, which supposedly makes them even more popular with gay male, and straight female and male fans. I wouldn't mind seeing Tony Sanneh, Eddie Pope, Claudio Reyna or Pablo Mastroeni nude in a gay zine.

Also, the suicide several years ago of Justin Fashanu, a gay British footballer who'd been accused of an improper relationship with an underage American player, certainly qualifies as a sex scandal! I'm sure there are more.

[ June 18, 2002: Message edited by: fantomas ]

Here's Letterman's take: "In soccer, you're allowed to use your head and your feet, but not your hands. Coincidentally, that's President Clinton's technical definition of sex.

Tomorrow the U.S. plays Germany in the World Cup. You know, I'm very optimistic about this. Against Germany, as you know, we're 2-0."

Top Ten Ways to Get Americans Excited About Soccer
As read by the U.S. World Cup Soccer team)
10. Rename the sport "Deathball 3000."
9. From now on, you can't use your feet either.
8. Constitutional amendment stating if U.S. wins World Cup, every American gets a brand new car.
7. More players who look like Mia Hamm -- fewer players who look like Davor Vugrinec.
6. Instead of "Goooooal!" have that announcer guy yell, "Yahtzee!"
5. Printed on every red card, a collectible "Star Wars" photo.
4. Drunken monkey goalies.
3. Find a way to involve that hilarious San Diego chicken.
2. You mean millions of Americans aren't getting up in the middle of the night to watch us play?
1. Give Tiger Woods a soccer ball, America will never lose again

[quote]Originally posted by DCBucky:


Top Ten Ways to Get Americans Excited About Soccer

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Try coating the ball in a high fat dip and deep frying it in lard. Works for McDonald's.

On Korea:Germany -

Lot's of confluence at the cup come Tuesday morn. A country divided from it's northern half by a DMZ meets one that recently tore down the wall to it's other half.

Yet another ex-colony badly wants a crack at it's ex-occupier and will have to get past a different type of wall to get it.

Korea has already accomplished what no other asian team has before by getting to the semis in the cup.

More intrigue to come?..I don't need anymore reason to keep watching.

I'm not sure if this is a good indicator of what effect the World Cup had on soccer's popularity here but...earlier on Letterman, when Will Smith walked on after being introduced, the crowd roared and screamed and whistled. When Landon Donovan came on stage, the crowd merely applauded. I don't take this as a good sign.

[quote]Originally posted by Joe in Philly:
I don't take this as a good sign.

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..or good taste. Will Smith? Yuck!

Turks were great. Brazil was better.

In the final the key players/non-players: Ballack out, Ronaldhino in, Klose unstoppable?

Noone on Brazil's team can jump with Klose. To foul him would be worse. To deny him the ball inside otherwise may not be possible.

This will be one wonderful game. Germany could tie Brazil's record for WC wins, and may owe it all to a naturalized polish wunderkind. Like Alice in Wonderland - things just keep getting curiouser and curiouser.

BTW - I posted here because the World Cup Results thread is apparently getting so long it takes forever to load. HELP moderator?

[ June 26, 2002: Message edited by: sportinlife ]

[quote]Originally posted by Joe in Philly:
When Landon Donovan came on stage, the crowd merely applauded. I don't take this as a good sign.

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Perhaps no one recognized him with his shirt on?

The World Cup is the biggest sporting event in the World. Even bigger than the Olympics.

There is no other event in the World where you have almost the entire population of 2 countries glued to their tellys watching a match.

When South Korea won their match against Italy 4 million people took to the streets to party when the final whistle was blown. It was some celebration while in Italy the streets were empty.

This kind of national passion for a team sport is something that the USA doesn't really have and it's a shame.

With Greece's preparations for the olympics looking like a train wreck about to happen the world cup may soon have no competition at all. In addition to not being as far along on construction as expected, they only recently caught a member of a violent terrorist group that killed a CIA agent. Regardless of what you might think of their politics they sound like a serious threat to the security of the games and this killing and others happened years ago, yet they've only now caught some of them. What else is out here that has been missed. Don't forget how small a world it is in the mediterranean. The mideast is just across the sea.