Jose Canseco has decided to retire immediately, thus giving up his quest to reach 500 homeruns and improve his Hall of Fame chances. Canseco retires with 462 dingers, leaving him 38 short of the coveted mark.

Transcript of Jose's last night in the locker room after the last game ..................So,I hear you are retiring, Jose. Then I guess you won't be needing that old smelly stained jockstrap. Here let take it off your hands and get rid of that nasty thing. oh... I'm just getting rid of it outside ... I have a trash can at home , I can drop it in... Noo Jose, I wasn't sniffing it - I was just reading the label- Ooh, you're flattered? Well yeah I was just... and... you want to stop over for a drink? .. why Jose ....yes I live alone...Yeah,sure i don't care if you crash overnight .. I'm off tommorow...nah I only got one bed but it IS a king size and I don't mind if YOU don't...Sure, why take 2 cars ...I'll drive us both ...and bring the rest of that stinky laundry ...I'll wash that for you too...So Jose..I hear that you are single now too....cool..I'll pull the car up right now...Let's go...

Nice fantasy, copman. I'd love to watch, but, c'mon, would YOU want to be seen with a guy who couldn't even make it onto the Expos' roster??? Or the Ottawa Linx roster??? Yishhh...

Btw, do you still have that jockstrap? I'll open the bidding at $100.

This from ESPN.com:

A day after announcing his retirement from baseball, Jose Canseco told ESPN Radio's Dan Patrick that he plans to write a tell-all book that will "name names" about Major League Baseball regarding women, steroids and more.

Canseco did not say whether or not he took steroids. He did acknowledge, however, that it's fair to say that steroids revolutionized baseball during his era.


Canseco's Tell All


No word on whether he will tell which players offered to clean his bat and balls!

Please explain why, in that ESPN article, there's a quote from the worst quote-whore in all of major league baseball: Mike Piazza.

Canseco's been on about 108 different teams in the last few years, but I don't think he and Piazza ever were teammates. Why not quote McGwire or La Russa or Dennis Eckersley, even Glenallen Hill for godsakes, someone who actually shared a lockerroom with him, someone who might have some insight into that colorful character that is Jose Canseco.

I'd love to hear an opinion from someone who can testify, first hand, whether or not steroid use causes testicular shrinkage. But no. ESPN talks to Piazza, probably during its daily briefing with Piazza to get all his quotes for all their stories that day. What the heck does Piazza know about Canseco? Does he have to express a public opinion on every subject?

Bad sports reporting from ESPN.

[quote]Originally posted by Charlie in the Trees:
I'd love to hear an opinion from someone who can testify, first hand, whether or not steroid use causes testicular shrinkage

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Maybe the ex-Mrs. Can-sucko can testify about 'Roid Rage .......

Hey, Charlie, re: testicle shrinkage--will second-hand do? A friend of mine said he had that problem when he used steroids. I don't know how COMMON the side effect is, but I'm reasonably confident it's not a complete myth.

if steroid use causes THAT much shrinkage, mark mcgwire's balls must have vaporized quite a while ago