.. and good riddance! The nation's longest serving Senator turns 100 on 12/5. And to celebrate, here's a collection of some late-night Strom jokes.
Letterman:
"60% of the people in the poll said they thought it was time he retire, 40% of the people said, 'It's a trick question, he's dead, right?'" (1/4/96).
Leno:
"When Bob Dole stands next to Strom Thurmond, he looks like the new lifeguard on Baywatch" (2/29/96).
Leno, on Dole:
"They thought they found a skeleton in his closet. It turns out it was only Strom Thurmond looking for his coat" (3/7/96).
Leno, on reports of Thurmond punching a flight attendant:
"First Dennis Rodman, now Strom Thurmond. What is it about with these people with bad orange hair that makes them beat up officials?" (4/18/96).
Leno, on Dole retiring after 27 years in the Senate:
"Strom Thurmond told him, 'You just got here.'" (5/16/96).
Bill Maher, on the GOP's agenda: "They said they're going to cut taxes, tame Medicare spending and balance the budget -- and they are confident they can do it all without waking Strom Thurmond" ("PI," 1/6/97).
Leno, on Thurmond's recovery from the flu: "It was touch and go for awhile there. In fact, at one point it was so bad, Anna Nicole Smith was circling his bedside" ("Tonight Show," 2/11/97).
Leno, on Pres. Clinton possibly apologizing for slavery: "Here's my question, is he the best person to do it? No! Let's get Strom Thurmond, he was there!" (6/17/97).
Leno: "Muppet puppetteer ... Frank Oz ... has signed on to continue operating Strom Thurmond for another 3 years" (7/9/97).
Leno on Rep. John Shimkus hitting the first homerun in ten years during a congressional softball game:
"Usually the only way to get a homerun in this game is to hit it directly to Strom Thurmond" (7/31/97).
Leno, on the "Flynt Report":
"This Larry Flynt thing is really unbelievable. You know, he's got investigators working full time investigating Republicans now. Not only that, he also has got a group of archaeologists working on Strom Thurmond's early years. In fact, today they did carbon dating on Strom's first girlfriend" (1/12/99).
Conan O'Brien on the impeachment trial and the Senator's questions: "Strom Thurmond went first and asked, has anyone seen my blue blanket?" (1/22/99).
Maher: "In South Carolina it was so hot today, Strom Thurmond thought that Satan had broken the deal and put him in hell" (7/29/99).
Maher: "They say he's an excellent patient, Strom is, because they say if there's one place he's comfortable, it's under a sheet" (8/25/99).
Maher: "A statue was unveiled in South Carolina for Strom Thurmond, who turned 97 on Sunday. They unveiled this big 17-foot, 12-ton statue. It was a little sad, because the statue of Strom was more recognizable before the unveiling, when the sheet was on" (12/8/99).
O'Brien: "Senator Strom Thurmond has recommended that his son Strom Thurmond, Jr. be appointed the U.S. Attorney for South Carolina. In his recommendation Senator Thurmond wrote that his son 'is very bright, very hard working and shows a lot of maturity for an 82 year-old'"