I just obtained a copy of the agenda for the Democratic National Committee's summer convention.

Subject: Democratic National Committee Agenda

Preliminary copy of the agenda of the Democratic National Convention: (Subject to revision when a place for Hillary Clinton is found in the agenda).

2004 Democratic National Committee Convention - Official Program

6:00pm - Opening flag burning ceremony.
6:00pm - Opening secular prayers by Rev. Jesse Jackson and Rev. Al Sharpton
6:30pm - Anti-war concert by Barbra Streisand.
6:40pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
7:00pm - Tribute theme to France.
7:10pm - Collect offerings for al-Zawahri defense fund.
7:25pm - Tribute theme to Germany.
7:45pm - Anti-war rally (Moderated by Michael Moore)
8:25pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
8:30pm - Terrorist appeasement workshop.
9:00pm - Gay marriage ceremony (both both male and female couples)

9:30pm - * Intermission *

10:00pm - Posting the Iraqi Colors by Sean Penn and Tim Robbins
10:10pm - Re-enactment of Kerry's fake medal toss.
10:20pm - Biased journalism lessons by CNN, MSNBC, NBC, ABC, CBS, New York Times, et. al.
10:30pm - Abortion demonstration by N.A.R.A.L.
10:40pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
10:50pm - Pledge of allegiance to the UN.
11:00pm - Multiple gay marriage ceremony (threesomes, mixed and same sex).
11:15PM - Maximizing Welfare workshop.
11:30pm - "Free Saddam" pep rally.
11:59PM - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
12:00 a.m. - Nomination of Democrat candidate (conditional on Hillary not accepting nomination).


[Thread title modified for clarity. - Outsports moderator]

[ May 03, 2004, 12:21 PM: Message edited by: m1 ]

Wow, can't wait for Barbra to sing! How long has it been since she performed "The Way We Were" live? wink

Not long enough, timber.

BTW, I'm waiting to see how long until one of the sourpuss, humorless regulars in this section chime in here screaming about this particular thread.

Gets my vote! :cool:

<yawn> You got that one from your boyfriend.

Ha... ha... ha... um, ha.
OMG, this is so damn funny, I can hardly contain myself.

Too bad they arent having counseling sessions for people who claim to be federal judges.

I guess Kindasleezy will have to read this to MonkeyBoy, too, so he will know what's going on in Boston. At least the Democratic Convention can use big words like "appeasement", "secular", and "conditional" since our candidate can read. MIB...why didn't you just stay at the "I'm not really a judge but I play one on the Internet" convention?

[ May 03, 2004, 09:37 AM: Message edited by: bobby78751 ]

LMAO! Where do I sign up for the Al Franken book signing?

[ May 03, 2004, 09:00 AM: Message edited by: GatorJamie ]

Yes, I laughed at this too. The Ted Kennedy toasts, the reenactment of the medal toss, etc. I'm not totally lacking a sense of humor.

I just don't think it was funny for the gay wedding jokes to be lumped in with other items that one is supposed to find amusingly repulsive, and for a gay person to come and post it on a website for gay people! Further, it wrongly equates gay weddings with threesomes. Yeah, I know, I know, it's all a big joke. Once again, call me Mr. Over-sensitive.

And BTW, talk about baiting: "I'm waiting to see how long until one of the sourpuss, humorless regulars in this section chime in here screaming about this particular thread."

Now about those toasts... Where do I sign up for that?

Surely somebody has come up with the Republican Convention agenda. Anyone?

Here are the pre-convention plans:
Item #1, Fuel the jet fighter.
Item #2, Hang "Mission Accomplished" banner
Item #3, Gather up some minorities and position them in strategic points throughout the crowd so news cameras will find them in a sea of white people
Item #4, Lock up anyone classified as "Out of the Loop"

Item #5, Prepare extra bananas for presidential meal

#6 Andy needs to get a plate of burgers

[ May 03, 2004, 10:32 AM: Message edited by: bobby78751 ]

I just wish I could attend this convention, sounds quite positive and upbeat to me! Sorry to disappoint MIB.

I just think it's dumb. The only thing that's funny is the Kennedy toast gag. The rest isn't so much offensive as it is banal. It would appear that Democrats are not as humorless as the Republicans.

I mean, where are the Tom Daschle "How to Stand Erect With No Spine" seminars? What about the half-time show featuring Janet Reno singing Franky Valli's "Walk like a man, talk like a man" complete with "wardrobe malfunction"? Hell, there wasn't even ONE Clinton sex joke.

Just received this morning:

Official GOP 2004 Convention Itinerary

6:00pm - Opening Baptisms in the Big Vat of Oil.

6:15pm - Karl Rove summons Satan with 1,000 Gallons of Children's Blood

6:30pm - "How the new Medicare Prescription Plan will Help Me" - Rush Limbaugh

6:40pm - George W Bush reads "The Happy Caterpillar".

7:00pm - ** Event Title Censored by the Department of Homeland Security **

7:18pm - Slow Dance to Star Wars Imperial March: Lobbyist's Choice

7:30pm - Ceremonial Outing of a CIA Operative

7:40pm - Donald Rumsfeld: "How to Let the leaders of 15 of the 9/11 terrorists in on State Secrets without getting Impeached."

7:55pm - George W Bush reads "Green Eggs and Ham"

8:10pm - Saddam Hussein Look-Alike Contest

8:30pm - "Why Stem Cell Research is Evil," Sean Hannity

8:45pm - "Why Stem Cell Research is Great, Especially for my Husband," Nancy Reagan

9:00pm - "Oh Shit," Sean Hannity

9:15pm - Circle Jerk with Brit Hume

9:17pm - Break

10:00pm - Ceremonial Minstrel Show starring Trent Lott and John Ashcroft in blackface.

10:15pm - Colin Powell on Fox News Defending Minstrel Show.

10:20pm - Condaleeza Rice on MSNBC defending Minstrel Show.

10:30pm - Ken Lay: "How to make 500 Billion Dollar Debt look like a Profit."

10:45pm - Blame Clinton Workshop

10:55pm - ** Event Title Censored by the Department of Homeland Security **

11:00pm - George W Bush reads "Hop on Pop" with help from his father.

11:15pm - Rick Santorum: "Why Gays Marrying is like Me Humping my Dog."

11:30pm - Dick Cheney: "I Raised a Raging Dyke."

11:45pm - Celebrity Mud Wrestling: Ann Coulter vs. Laura Ingraham.

12:00am - Republican Nomination of Bush.

12:01am -Bush Starts Month-Long Vacation.

And of course, the Republican post-convention wrap-up:

Wine-and-dine Diebold executives as "thanks in advance" for a well-executed election day.

[ May 03, 2004, 01:00 PM: Message edited by: maxallen ]

In another thread, GatorJamie posted

Marc, That is so f***king funny! I'm choking on my afternoon Snapple and laffin so hard my sides hurt. Not pretty when you work in a cubicle farm.

OK if I share this with non-Outsporters?

Agreed Marc, rather brilliant I'd say!

My hats off to you Marc, good stuff!

In addition to 12:01am -Bush Starts Month-Long Vacation

I would add...

Log Cabin Republicans begin picking up trash from convention floor and cleaning San Antonio Convention Center restrooms.

[ May 03, 2004, 01:21 PM: Message edited by: RazorbackTX ]

...whereupon they "encounter" certain state-level executive-branch politicians with perfect hair.

Marc!! Great job, but you forgot about the ceremonial shaking of the Magic 8 Ball to decide what to do next in Iraq!!! When did they say that was gonna happen???

That's obviously during ** Event Title Censored by the Department of Homeland Security ** Oops, said too much already. Looks like my phone'll be tapped now, giving out state secrets like that.

Sheesh, I'm showing my age here: All of this reminds me of a song called "Convention '72" by The Delegates. Anyone remember it? The song was about a mythical convention being held by both parties at the same time.

The entire "song" consisted of a reporter on the floor of this convention interviewing politicians. The answers they gave were actually snippets from hit songs at the time.

The best part was a very horny Henry Kissinger looking for a date "gotta find a woman...gotta find a woman...gotta find a woman". I still have this on a scratchy 45 in the garage...(by the way I was only 9 years old in 1972, "

Sportsmarc, that was pretty good. I laughed at it just as much as the Democratic one.

I consider myself a solid Democrat...but, I too, laughed at the DNC Convention Agenda...

With everything going on in the world - beit Iraq, Terrorism, or here at home with the gay marriage issue, we all have to lighten up and laugh every once in a while...after all, life it too damn short to do otherwise.

Hey Marc, that was hilarious!

I'd only add that we can't forget the night-before Torch Light Rally, led by Trent Lott, through Times Square!

Bring your best white robes! eek!

A thousand points of light...

You forgot one event: 12:30 AM -- Afterhours Power Rave Keg Party hosted by Jenna and Barbara, sponsored by C.R.E.E.P. begins.

Don't forget Katharine Harris signing her two books in the lobby - "Counting Votes - Florida Style," and its sequel "Know When to say When Bush Wins."