Even I will likely try to catch this encounter. Maybe Johnnie boy will grace Dave and us with a rendition of his opus "Blessed Be That City" - Sample lyric:

We got hotshot jocks explainin' how eatin' right and trainin'
Gonna save you from yourself and make you free.
But just buildin' up your body with kung fu and karate
Ain't no ticket to a bright eternity

(I'm not making this up, you know)

John, don't take the Standards of Learning test.

Letterman's Top Ten Reasons John Ashcroft Would Not Sing on Our Show
10. Pre-show partying with Mayor Bloomberg left him in no condition to perform.
9. He insisted on singing shirtless.
8. Depressed there were only a dozen screaming teenage girls at the stage door.
7. Refused to do "Let The Eagle Soar" unless we paid for hair and makeup for the eagle.
6. Needs to rest voice for upcoming Ashcroftpalooza tour.
5. Too busy tapping my phones.
4. Been depressed ever since his eagle stopped soaring, if you know what I mean.
3. For some reason he thought we'd make fun of him.
2. The vibe wasn't right, man.
1. Blah, blah, upholding the dignity of the office, blah, blah.
(Late Show, 4/10)

[quote]Originally posted by DCBucky:
Letterman's Top Ten Reasons John Ashcroft Would Not Sing on Our Show
...
4. Been depressed ever since his eagle stopped soaring, if you know what I mean.
...

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I was going between watching him and a show on a local PBS channel at the same time about actual eagles. Real eagles, by way of contrast, see no need to make any excuse for ripping the flesh from their prey.

I was hoping Letterman's other guest would be that guy who brings in the exotic animals and that he would plop a calico cat on the desk in front of Ashcroft. At that point, I would expect Ashcroft to go berserk and start speaking in tongues.

Definitely check out Jeffrey Toobin's profile in the current NEW YORKER. It's worth a read.