This forum offers some of the best discussions on gay-related topics that I've found anywhere, so I thought I'd turn to you guys for advice.

Here's my problem: I live in a city of about 30,000 in southwest Kansas, where there's no gay life (or even much nightlife of any kind) to be found. I've met 3 or 4 gay people in my nearly nine years here, but no one I'm interested in dating. If there are any good gay men out here, they must be hiding underground.

The nearest city with a substantial gay population is Wichita, and that's a three-hour drive. Topeka, Lawrence and Kansas City (gay heaven, as far as I'm concerned) are on the other side of the state, and I get to eastern Kansas about once a year if I'm lucky.

Most of the time, being gay and seemingly alone in Dodge City doesn't bother me that much -- after all, I chose to live here. But every once in a while, I feel so isolated and alone that it drives me crazy. It's pretty sad when the best sex and companionship I've had in the last eight 1/2 years -- except for a trip to Denver last fall -- involved me and Men Magazine.

I'm tired of men's magazines, tired of being alone and tired of eyeing the guys at the local bar, hoping against hope that one of them might be gay -- and interested. Cruising with no hope of a payoff is a pretty bleak way to spend your free time.

Moving to a bigger city isn't feasible right now, so I need to find a way to make the best of what I've got here in Dodge. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest, and sorry for the whining.

This is my favorite online community by far.

[ February 26, 2005, 11:44 AM: Message edited by: Eric Swanson ]

Hey, Eric -- While I have no immediate suggestions for you (I'll think about it, though; I grew up in a small town), let me tell you it's no easier in The Big City, and I live in Gay Mecca. The majority of men I meet (and since I refuse to go to bars and clubs, because, well, ew... I don't meet all that many) turn out to be flakes, creeps or about as deep as a dime. I don't know, maybe I'm working off some bad karma. But in the last year or so, I'm the best lay I've had, and I connect better with women.

I know it's cold comfort, but it's some comfort. I hope. Other's mileage may vary.

I feel for you my family is originaly from Western Kansas. I am very grateful my parent decided to move from Meade and Garden City and raise their children in Lawrence. I can't imagine growing up gay in Western Kansas. Never mind the fact then you tend to see more purple out there, than Crimson and Blue. Most of the people I know from Western Kansas and are gay end up moving to Eastern Kansas. But there are a few out there they are just harder to find.

I know Wichita is a 3 hour drive, but it also tends to be the gathering place for people out further West. When I have been there, I have met people who live in Liberal, Dodge, Garden, Cimarron, Fowler, Scott City, etc. So it might be a good idea to spend some time to find someone there from your neck of the woods.

Sorry I couldn't be much more help.

I go to Meade, KS about once a year to visit my Grandmother, the next time I go I will drop you an email.

Hmmmmmm. Eyeing the guys at an ordinary local bar with the hopes one will turn out gay sounds kind of dangerous. Maybe I'm exaggerating but don't straight country boys become a little dangerous if they detect the unthinkable, a man cruising them?

Anyway can't you spend just your weekends in the big city? Maybe stay at a motel or something? But stay away from bathhouses!

Or if that's inconvenient then what about having friendly online video chats with men?

Living in a big city myself that's the best I can offer.

[ February 27, 2005, 06:23 AM: Message edited by: amazin12 ]

Eric, I can totally sympathize and empathize with you about your living situation. Its not that easy or a whole lot of fun, when your options are limited because of the size or makeup of the community in which you live is not good. I think my city Spokane, is about the size of Wichita, maybe Topeka I am not sure. Say about 550,000 metro area give or take.Certainly not a gay "mecca" by any means. Spokane has 3 gay bars, and thats it. The choices here are limited, there are no gay biking, bowling, social groups of any kind that seem to last, so the city is pretty much a bar only based community. Its difficult here meeting quality people for friends, let along any gay men who are much into sports, or who aren't flakes, or sexually confused or whatever. My bar experiences here have been usually not that positive, so I tend to stay away from them. About the only other option I can offer you is to consider all the gay dating websites that are out there. That or maybe next time you are in the big cities, pick up a local gay newspaper, and maybe consider placing an ad. True alot of the people on these gay dating sites may not be of much better quality than you would meet in a bar, but its another option. The biggest one of course is gay.com. but there are lots of other sites too. I hope this helps, and hang in there bud!

[ February 27, 2005, 07:28 AM: Message edited by: puckman1 ]