Hi,

My friend "Paul" is cheating with this guy "Gary" who has a boyfriend. I don't judge people but I
don't have "Paul" around any of my boyfriends.

I just found out that my other friend "Dave" who is also friends with "Paul" but not really close friends hooked up with Gary tonight after a dinner party that Paul left early because he felt sick.

Dave said since Paul is Gary's adulterous lover
that Gary is community property and it's not a
bad thing to do ethically. I think I should tell
Paul because I feel bad. I don't know Gary's bf
so I can't really tell him. Dave said it's exciting to cheat and he might do it again. I just don't want trouble for him. Any advice?

Gideon

you should do and say nothing. first, it's none of your business. second, dave is doing the exact same thing gary is doing -- fooling around with someone's boyfriend. both are equally guilty and neither needs, or deserves, your protection.

i'm assuming that you want to alert paul to the fact that dave is "cheating" on him to protect your friend. but surely paul didn't assume that by hooking up with someone's boyfriend, he'd gain a new monogomous f*ck buddy. he's sleeping with a trollop. he shouldn't be surprised, then, that said trollop is sleeping with others.

your efforts to protect paul are marginally understandable, but horribly misplaced. given the information we have, the only one who should be alerted, the only possible innocent in all of this, the only one who could be hurt by actions not of their own doing is dave's unnamed boyfriend.

Do you have any other group of friends you could hang with until this all blows over? It sounds like this pot of stew is about to boil over.

Sorry Gideon, but if I couldn't have my friends around my girlfriend/partner for fear that they might try to pick her up, I wouldn't want friends like that! I'm not judging your friendship with Paul, all friendships are dynamic, but in this case, I would leave Paul to his own demise.

Rev. Fallwell says situations like this is why gay marriage will never work.

I'd do 2 things: 1) try to find out who Gary's boyfriend is so you can warn him and 2) find better friends. If you can't trust them around your boyfriend, why would you want them around at all?

Gideon, this is NUNYA. This sounds like you are wanting to moral police and get on up in the middle of stuff you ain't got no business being in the middle of. Literally, you have NO dog in this fight.

Lovers are forgiven, friends aren't.

[ March 24, 2005, 07:52 AM: Message edited by: Aubie in Bham ]

Great advice Aubie in Bham!

I think it's wonderful when you can use "catch phrases" to remember what is right and what is wrong.

If you have anymore please pass them onto the Outsports Community, I'm sure they would be of assistance to make every-day life much easier!

[ March 24, 2005, 08:36 AM: Message edited by: PhillyFan ]

I believe Ann Landers always said "mind your own business". Often someone being cheated on is already aware, but doesn't want to admit it, at least not to others. If you say something to one of them, in the end they'll patch things up and be angry with you.

Okay ... I DID NOT post this subject. I already know what to do on this type of issue. Play dumb.

I'd just drop both these guys as friends. Tell them you can't condone their behaviour and you just don't feel comfortable hanging out with the kind of person that does things like that.

"mind your own business" -- what fun is that???? I say ask them for a hot 3-way!!! wink

Are "Paul" and "Gary" really PF and Sting?
Who the hell is "Dave?"

I agree with those who said to mind your own business.

It's either you or coyoteugly.

What about Bob?

I think you should have a foursome with Paul, Gary and the other guy. It's really the only sensible thing to do. If it's done properly, therapeutically, there's no danger involved.

I live by a few rules that work for me. I try not to judge others. If I had a boyfriend I would not want to control his social life and would not allow him to control mine. If he or my friends wanted to meet I'd let them. If I can't develop an honest relationship with him then what is the point. If he would want to fool around I would hope he would be honest about that as well. I would rather an honest open relationship the a faux monogomous one or even one where my boyfriend is constantly tempted but doing nothing for me.

So my advice is to keep an open mind and let them live their soap opera. What ever you do don't get involved. I would also advice not being overly judgemental. You never know how you may react under a different set of circumstances. That is why I my rules are private and may change with the cirsumstances. I don't want to judge others because I don't ever want to think of myself as a hypocrite.

You could keep a diary and sell it to a TV station later.

Their psychodrama is their psychodrama & you don't have to be involved. Butt out of it.

~Adam

Butt out of it. Their psychodrama is their psychodrama & you don't have to join it.

What you need to do is stop the quotation mark abuse around the names of your friends. wink

~Adam

Oh my god! Are you sure you're not in LA? I swear this sounds identical to a friend's problem in LA.

My advice: stay out of it.

I agree with those who recommend butting out of it. Their psychodrama is wholly their own.

I'm more worried about the quotation mark abuse exhibited in the creation of false names for your friends. wink

~Adam

...

Thanks everybody!

Dave emailed me today and said he feels really slutty for hooking up with Gary but he feels like the rush will make him do it agian. I guess they hooked up in the bathroom at the party.

As for Paul, I guess I don't trust people in
general. If I were giving advice to anyone
I would say don't have too many strangers
around your gf/bf. I guess it's about trust and
building relationships but I know straight girls
who've stolen their roommates boyfriends and
actually gotten engaged to them, I know husbands
who've divorced wives and married the wife's
cousin, I see gay men all the time who want to
have sex with me before going home to their
unsuspecting wives. Paul is just open about
being a whore.

I am not trying to judge and be moral. I used to
have sex with men for money and beat people up
and drink a lot when I was a self hating gay teen.
And I struggle with my own inner sluttiness still.

I am usually more comfortable dating a guy and letting life happen so if someone hooks up with another person we talk about it and see where we are. I don't believe in happily ever after, I believe in we're going to go thru some sh*t and let's give a toast when we are eighty and say we made it. I haven't found that guy yet. I may never will. Turns out the guy I went to see last night
invited me to a bar and his boyfriend or something
was there as well so he ignored me. I hate straight people but sometimes I hate gay people more. But thanks for the advice.

This guy Gary must be pretty good at what he does.....Can I have him after Paul and Dave are finished with him?

Since we are talking about doing Gary...and I hear he's good ethically...
I know some gay guys named Dave, Paul and Gary. What am I doing on the internet?