Earlier this afternoon, I went to the men's room where I found a colleague--someone I recognize but with whom I am not at all close (don't even know his name)--having a good cry. I asked if there was someone I could get for him and was told no, that he would be OK.

As I washed my hands, I sugegsted that if he wanted more privacy, there's an empty supply room near my area that no one uses. He thanked me & I left. A few minutes later, he walked by my area to the supply room. I think he was in there for about 10 minutes.

If he had been someone with whom I'm friendly, I would have been more empathetic, but now I wonder whether I handled the situation properly. I must admit my first instinct was to say "Oh, suck it up. The week's almost over." What would you have done?

~Adam

Adam, you handled things well. Like you said, he is a colleague and you are not close to him. If you would have pryed any further by trying to get "up in his business", that would not have been good. You did the right thing.

I echo the statements already said. You did just fine Adam.

You handled it very well. You are a kind and considerate person. Sometimes there's just not much you can do but offer to help and leave it at that. I had a similiar experience with a young man (looked like a Summer Intern) in the stairwell of my building a couple of years ago and it haunted me for awhile.

I'm sure your kind words meant more to that guy & helped him more than you will ever know. He at least knew someone cared at that moment for him, no matter how bad things were at the time.

I agree that you handled it properly, Adam....I think had you gone with your instinct and told him to "suck it up, the week's almost over" that would have been totally inappropriate, not to mention callous and flat-out cold hearted....even though he didn't acknowledge your gesture at that time (for a variety of obvious reasons) I'd be willing to bet that he appreciates the way you handled it and your suggestion more than you can ever imagine.

My only input would be to add that if you run into him again in a "one on one" environment (where other co-workers are not around to hear and make him feel uncomfortable) you might want to subtly inquire about how he is doing/feeling and briefly mention something to the effect of you have done the same thing privately at work in the past (assuming it's true) and found it to be therapeutic and perhaps give him you name and phone extension in case he ever needs someone to talk to or confide in....you didn't say how long he's been employed there (you may not even know) or his age but it likely was something work-related that caused his emotional reaction (though that's not a certainty, of course) and I'm SURE he would appreciate the gesture and kind follow-up on your part -- even if for no other reason than to show him that there are some good, caring people within your organization.

[ February 06, 2004, 07:11 PM: Message edited by: gamecock ]

What you did was right Adam. You showed concern in someone as a fellow human being without getting too involved in the affairs of someone you don't know.

Nice job.

Adam, I think you did the right thing. You offered help in two different ways...that's two more ways than a lot people would have helped. Good for you! I wouldn't be surprised if the guy sends you a thank you message of some kind on Monday, but, if he doesn't...THANK YOU!

Adam you did the right thing. I wish more people like you were in the work place. There are too many people I know who would blab about the incident to other colleages.

[ February 06, 2004, 08:13 PM: Message edited by: phillyrunner ]

Back in 1981 a few days before Thanksgiving, I was the man that Adam encountered.
I went to work that day and got a phone call that I had been approved for a mortgage to buy the house where I now live. A few hours later, I got a phone call telling me that a good friend of mine had passed away after a brief illness.
Later that afternoon, I got another phone call telling me that my mothers cancer had spread greatly and she had only a few weeks to live.
I had all i could do to get to the restroom to let out that cry.Someone came in and found me and told me to "get a life things cant be all that bad". He turned and walked out.I will never, ever, forget that encounter. To this day I have not spoken to that jerk.
The reality is that you do not know, Adam, what might possibly be going on in that mans life.
You did the absolute right thing speaking from my experience. It is quite possible he will always, always remember, your kindness, compassion and empathy in his moment of despair. You are to be commended.

You did just fine, Adam...something that does not surprise me at all.

[ February 07, 2004, 02:39 PM: Message edited by: Joe in Philly ]

Well done, Adam....as usual. I do think he is appreciative and I am sure you made his day just a little better and easier to deal with. I bet he will extend the same, or similar, gesture to someone in need down the road thanks to you.

Compassion and class.

Nice job!

Thanks for the positive feedback. I'm hoping that whatever caused his emotional upset last Friday will have passed by the time Monday morning comes around--or, at the very least, he has confided in someone closer.

~Adam

That was a thoughtful gesture, Adam. I'd like to think I would do the same if I were to encounter a similar situation; certainly I would ask the person if there is anything I could do, although I don't know if it would have occurred to me suggest a more private place for him to release his emotions. I'm sure the man appreciated your kindness, and it may very well have been the nicest thing someone did for him on Friday.

Well, Adam, I'll just echo everone else here on another case of a well-handled situation by you. It's possible he had a death in a family, for example, so if is not in today, he could be of dealing with that.

Trevor