I am a highschool student who is totally closeted. There is this guy at my school that I have a HUGE crush on. He wrestles and is extremely built. I had no idea that teenagers could be big. I mean like I have only seen guys in there twenties who are this proportionately built. Plus, he is gorgeous. I don't have any classes with him and I have never met him but I see him everyday in the hallway. I've even started walking a longer path to get to my next class eek! lol almost kind of stalkerish. I also kind of think he is gay. I'm pretty sure he doesn't have a girlfriend and I never see him flirting with girls ( there are more little things that make me wonder). I have checked him out quite a few times and I think he has checked me out as well but it could be my imagination. Plus, one day right after the bell rang I left the class immediately taking the long way and he was the first out of his class to my surprise. The hallway was loaded with people like always but somehow he got right next to me and was walking RIGHT BY ME. I was SO nervous that I couldn't even look up. lol I stared at his shoes for about 10 seconds then he turned into another hallway. He walked right by me that whole way. Another instance was one time I was at my locker getting books out and I see him walking up the hallway, he said hi to some guy then I looked up and he was staring at me. I watched him walk by and he was still watching me. Another guy started talking to him and it took him a while to respond. So who knows, maybe it's just my imagination. I REALLY want to do something about it, but I just have no idea what to do. Any advice would be great!

Just say hi or introduce yourself to the guy and see what kind of vibe you get. If it goes well, ask the guy to hang out sometime, go to a ballgame, play tennis, go bowling, whatever but feel him out first; otherwise, you might make life difficult for yourself if you hit on him, out yourself, etc. and he;'s not gay.

High schoolers, despite the advances we have made in the last few years, can still be mean! Trust me, I grew up in Ohio and am a high school teacher in California. Despite the "liberal" nature, many teens, parents, teachers, administrators, etc. can still be close-minded and not very supportive!

Good luck to you! I would have never had the nerve to do that in high school!

[ October 29, 2005, 01:05 PM: Message edited by: playerten73 ]

God, I am sooooo glad those days are long past!

Not laughing @ you, more like laughing at myself during that period of life.

Be very careful....one thing I would caution you on....not everyone you think might be gay, is.....alot of time, its wishful thinking on our part....you've heard the term "gaydar"? I refer to it as "wishdar".....its why so many people on boards like this insist that some hunky baseball player is gay, when they're not and its simply wishful thinking...or lusting......so be careful....but don't be afraid.

Something you said too...you're "totally closeted"....suppose this guy is too? Lots of young men coming to terms with their sexuality will fight those feelings and at their young age, might not be ready to "face it"....so they could lash out.....

Honestly, if this guy is gay and there is MUTUAL attraction, it'll happen....one way or other one of you) will find some way to meet the other....

Stalker eh? Nah....you just have a crush....

Good luck to ya though. wink Life gets soooo much easier after HS.

NJ

I too had a huge crush in High School. His name was Todd Griffeth and he was the sexy best built guy around. He was taller than me and I always tried to put myself in a situation to be near him. One night on the way back from a wrestling tournament he fell asleep on my shoulder during the bus ride home. It was the closest we ever got...lol... but to me it was pure heaven.

A few years later I was visiting friends at the same college he went to and we ran into him. He was now shorter than me but he was still sexy. We all got drunk and I confessed my secret High School crush on him. He was flattered but not interested. He took it well. And this was back in 1988!

So my vote is be careful. Even if he is gay he may not want to act on it. Become buds and then take it from there.

But for all of us on this board that wish we had acted on our high school crushes, Go For It!

[ October 29, 2005, 01:43 PM: Message edited by: Maddog ]

Ah...remember when we were so young and innocent? What a cute story.

I didn't have too many crushes @ that time in my life, but I do remember becoming strangely aroused @ helping one of my drunk HS buddies remove his vomit and alcohol stained clothes one night after a night of underage revelery with too much MD20-20.

NJ

I'm also in high school. It's very tough to be in high school, where it seems like being part of the crowd is the ultimate goal, and to know you're gay. Good luck to you in everything you do.

As for this guy, as a fellow high schooler, I advise you to move very, very cautiously. If you make a move too quickly, he might be surprised and feel threatened. I agree with what one of the earlier posters said- you have to at least say hi or something to him. Talk to him a little bit about something you think you might have in common, and get to know him. Then, you can ask him to a game or something like that.

Again, good luck with everything and with this guy. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to e-mail me at falconex77@yahoo.com

[/QUOTE] underage revelery with too much MD20-20.

NJ [/QB][/QUOTE]

THIS brings back high school memories. I use to be able to drink the stuff like water? I tasted it again about 10 years ago and almost yacked.

Did it taste that bad back in 83-84 or was it alcohol so I just didn't care what it tasted like as long as I got a buzz.

For all of you underage people on this thread please, please for the love of all that is Holy, don't drink Maddog 20/20. Wait until you're old enough to drink and can afford something better! You will thank me for this.

It was horrible wasn't it? But, it was always our "drink" of choice in those days....that or Boones Farm with the twist top...

For you younger guys...another cautionary tale.....

When I was in High School, I use to think..."I can't wait to get away from all these "cliques".....well, here I am, 44 and yep...."cliques" are still around for me to battle my way in to...or away from...or through...its simply a part of our society...you'll find them in your personal life as well as life in the Corporate World....there is always gonna be some "group" that irritates you...or you wanna be a part of, etc..etc....

That part of life doesn't really change....its how you cope with them that typically changes.

Trust me....there will come a day when you look back at your years in High School and you won't even remember the name of your very best friend.

NJ

I don't drink, and I'm proud of it!

An honest self-assessment is invaluable as well. You seem to find this guy very attractive. Do you also find him intelligent?

The two of you can have an intelligent relationship that doesn't have to ever be sexual regardless of his sexuality.

Take it slow and value his friendship if it develops. If it is honest in every way the two of you will benefit infinitely. Sex is a result.

You seem to be impressed by his athleticism and build...

Are you interested in sports? What about starting to work out in the gym yourself... really push yourself for a month or so - maybe join a sports team you are interested in. Let a month or so go by, maybe run into him near the gyms a couple times. Then Introduce yourself, tell him you have seen him around and wanted to ask him for some advice - ask him for some workout tips...(though don't do it just for that reason - do it for yourself - be honest about who you are). Everybody likes to be asked about themselves - or for a small favor about something they really enjoy.

I have never met a single guy that didn't like talking about their sport, their workouts, or who would refuse to help someone else get started. Almost all guys would think it was flattering to be asked.

Most gay guys I know who take care of themselves are more interested in other guys if they take care of their self too.

What are your interests? Is there some interest where your paths might cross? My advice is get active - get involved in something you like doing. People with a wide variety of interests are far more... well... interesting. You then stand a much better chance of meeting another person.

Also remember the six degrees of seperation theory. You are already in the same small HS with the guy. I would bet you anything that you already know someone who either knows him pretty well, or knows who his best friends are. Do a little DISCREET information gathering.

Networking makes the world go round.

CAUTION: You stated "I had no idea that teenagers could be big. I mean like I have only seen guys in there[sic] twenties who are this proportionately built."

Be carefull - a lot of HS kids are into steroids these days. What used to be the province of college jocks, pro athletes, and body builders is now being done by increasingly younger kids. I don't have any idea if your friend is - but be aware. Sometimes things that are too good to be true, are...too good to be true.

Rob

I would say you should be extremly careful. As others have said, we all claim to have Gaydar, but sometimes it's Wishdar. I'm not sure how you could do this, but you need to make sure he's seeing things the same way you are.

For instance,

You say... He might be thinking...I wonder how long will this guy keep staring at me.

You also say .

I don't want to be mean or the destroyer of the wet dream. But, his noticing you might not be becasue he has a mutual interest, but becasue you're acting like a school girl around him.
Especially, if your new to his awareness in the hallways.

On the other hand, I had the same crush on one of my fellow basketball players. He was the sole reason I started taking basketball seriously. He made it interesting.

Anyway, 7 years later, I run into him at the bar (after my semi-orgasm) we talked about high school and it turns out he had a crush on me, as I had on him. Nothing happend.

Basically, just be careful. People are stupid these days. He may realize you are attracted to him and decide to humiliate you in some way.

Keep your guard up.

One message I want to try to get across to anyone reading this....is....there is a difference in being "careful" and "guarded" vs. being "afraid".

I think as gay men/women we need to be careful to not teach others to "fear" their sexuality or "fear" straight people....as in "fear of them knowing"...."fear of their superiority as straights"....or even "fear of their ability to beat the crap out of you simply because they're straight and you're not."

Its the wrong message to send to gay youth (I think).

I'm not saying anyone in these posts have done that.....I'm simply wanting to point it out...its really important to me to "teach" our youth to stop being afraid....as long as we keep that mentality....we will always be looked upon as "weak"....

Okay, I'm stepping off my soap-box............Now.

NJ

first off at my high school the drink of choice is everclear. Personally I can't stand the stuff but I don't really drink that much. I would introduce myself but I don't really know how. I'm mean, I think it might be a little weird if I just go up to him between classes and say hi. If he ever gets right by me again I will defiantly say something though. What the hell BBall6'9 I'm not acting like a school girl, I'm just shy ITJock the whole gym thing wouldn't work out because I already have my whole workout schedule with the sport I play but thanks for the idea though. I practice about 3 hours a day  or more some days. Oh ya I would never tell him I’m gay unless he came out of the closet so no need to worry about that. sportinlife I’m pretty sure we would get along. Plus, he has an AMAZING smile lol if you wanted to know. Back to ITJock I think I could stand the crazy steroid behavior if he was on them . Oh ya thanks for all the ideas and advice I really appreciate it. Btw I just have a feeling nothing is going to happen . I mean like me getting to know him but hey ya never know. Happy Halloween
OKjock

Oh ya i forgot BBall6'9 when you said,"He may realize you are attracted to him and decide to humiliate you in some way." I thought about that. I'm just looking for a way I just test the gay water. lol if you know what I'm saying. If anyone has any creative ideas of how to do this or meet him some way, let me know. Thanks again.

Is there a chance that your sport and his have simularity? You said he was a wrestler, do by chance play football? They share some similarities, maybe you could come up with an approach using that?

Your best bet would be a mutual friend. That way, you can just happen along and join the conversation.

Figure out a way to casually meet him. School spirit seems like it would be the easiest way to do so. Ask him about his next match or who the toughest competition is? The next upcoming match could be the way in.

OKJock,

I'd say get interested in wrestling really fast & see if you can join the team. Then perhaps you'd have an opportunity to wrestle w/ him multiple times. eek!

No, seriously though, maybe you can study up on wrestling to understand the sport (if you already haven't). Then when you introduce yourself to him, you can start a conversation about wrestling. I bet he'd be quite impressed w/ your knowledge & interest. This way you'd have an excuse to go see him at his matches...Who knows maybe he would one day challenge you to a match, in fun, when you start having sleep overs.

Anyway, you get my drift. Become his buddy & certainly don't be shy to say, "Hey, how's it going?"

[ October 31, 2005, 04:39 PM: Message edited by: SCTrojan ]

I had a crush on my friend in 8th grade. He made the first move, and it was the sexual experience I had.

Just get to know him, and be friends. If he starts hitting on you, you'll know. Or little signals will pop up.

This is so true. I just moved home from 11 years in the UK and oh man the cliques are all around. I had thankfully forgotten about them. But find myself 20 years (almost) later right in the same spot. As far as HS goes I see about 10 old HS class mates here at work and none of them know me at all.

As far as my advice goes for the HS guy with a crush. Take it slow be friendly. He may be relieved you made the first move. Or you'll get other vibes. He wont be the last crush. It doesn't stop when you get older either. I catch an eye or two at work now, you start to wonder, get the vibe. Then at Christmas in walks his family of 5 with a throphy wife. OH well sometimes it is nice to dream. Good luck.

Its funny when in High School, and Junior High, everyone I had a crush on actually turned out to be either gay or bi. I was always way to chicken to act on it, and the open ended invitations always seemed to be there. Take it slow, and see what happens. My best advice is if you want to get to know him, start going to the wieght room when he is there, and gradually get to know him. Good Luck.

Good Lord that is good advice. The last time I drank something like that (tickle pink/strawberry hill) was 1984 in Troy, Alabama at the Back Porch while standing on top of a Falcona, the 1968 Ford Falcon station wagon that my friend owned.

I have never felt worse in my entire life.

My suggestion is try to be his friend first, go to his matches, find a common interest and invite him out to something with a group of your friends...that way, he won't seem so intimidated and it won't look like you are asking him out on a date. If nothing else comes out of it than a great friendship, would that be so bad? Then, if your hunch is right, maybe he will confess some feelings he might be having. Or, maybe way down the road when your friendship is solid, you can open up to him about feelings you are having. Try to ease up on the stalker stuff, though, that might start to spook him. Going his way every once in a while is fine but not all of the time. You know where he is, so no need to go out of your way to see him.

BTW, are you all in the same grade level? If so, there are always college prep things going on that you can sign up for. If you see a list and his name is on it somewhere, sign up! Maybe you all can chat at the session and make arrangements to continue the talk at some point later on.

Best of luck to you!

[ November 01, 2005, 10:20 AM: Message edited by: bobby78751 ]

My advice (for what it’s worth) is twofold:

Do not explore interests just because you think he may be interested in the same things. You don’t know him well enough to know what his interests are beyond what is apparent in school. Explore things that interest YOU. Say, for example, that he’s a jock that’s always wanted to play the guitar (or even the clarinet!) but never had time to learn and you already play. Now he has a reason to get to know you. Even if he doesn’t want to play the guitar or clarinet he will know that you appreciate music, and that could lead to topics to talk about albums, styles, bands, etc. You never know.

My second suggestion involves the eyes. Try hard not to stare! One, too many people may notice you doing it, and two, it seems kind of desperate. That being said, I do suggest eye contact—anytime you have a chance. Make it brief, but try to make eye contact every time you see him. My experience has been that straight guys don’t notice that but gay guys do. He may not do anything about it, but if he is gay, he will notice. If he’s not, you haven’t done anything to call undue attention to yourself.

Being careful and being afraid are two different things. Be yourself and take small steps.

I agree with what J1780 said. To add to it, if the guy is gay and notices you taking a sudden interest in his activities, he'd probably be flattered. If he's straight and notices, he'll probably think something strange is going on, wonder why the hell you're around all the time, and start to wonder why you're staring at him and stalking him. That would do wonders for your reputation, believe me.

I'd suggest nothing more than a simple "Hey, how's it going?" when you pass by him the next time or two, or three. That line has been known to lead to conversations, especially among 2 people that are interested in each other. And for the love of god, be natural about it. There's nothing more obvious than someone running down the hall and doing a handstand to get in position to say "Hi" to their crush.

Just ask what weight he wrestles at. This is completely innocent.

Yet it can lead to many other questions. Such as, "Do you smoke cigarettes and eat ice chips while you are trying to make weight, Supermodel?"

The handstand is definitely out in a packed hallway. Just grab his crotch as you walk by

I wouldn't do things to arbitrarily establish a relationship. Do your thing. If it works, fine.