Coles has been harboring a secret for years... It's a shame what happened to him.
nytimes

A shame indeed. I was really relieved to see he is speaking out and hope it will give courage to others.

One should not lose sight of the fact that many such relationships are consensual, but any kind of non-consensual sex - no matter the age or sex of the participants - debases the act itself.

He always seemed like an odd sort to me and I often wondered about his past. Great he's happy.

[ September 19, 2005, 10:26 AM: Message edited by: sportinlife ]

I am glad to hear him speak out.
You know what bothers me? That it still takes so much courage for the victim of a sexual assault to "come out", whether male or female, athlete or other. Because there is still a stigma. Still the idea that the person assaulted is to blame, a whore (if female) or not manly (if male).
PERPETRATORS should be ashamed.

Great story. Often we hear a lot about negative things that pro athletes are doing, and so it's nice to hear about something couragous. As Laveranues Coles has said himself, he's coming out to help other kids who may be experiencing abuse. He's giving them courage to stand up to abuse and not be afraid.

Similar to the Sheldon Kennedy incident (the hockey player who was abused by a male coach), hopefully this will shine a light on crimes being committed and the support that the victims need.

Great column written by Cyd on this topic today....the courage that Coles displayed in deciding to reveal his dark secret is absolutely off the charts....his sole motivation for doing so is to potentially help other kids so that they can go through adolescence without feeling like Laveranues did when he said, "Coming up, I always felt like I was the only one that ever happened to"....this unselfish decision ranks right up there with Esera Tuaolo's coming out in terms of heart and being a true role model for young fans who have had to endure a similarly unconscionable fate.

Coles made some well publicized mistakes while at Florida State and perhaps now Bobby Bowden will speak out and express some support and compassion for his former all-american....not just to put an end to the estrangement between Laveranues and FSU but, more importantly, for a coaching legend like Bowden to reach out towards the victims of sexual abuse who may be too "embarrassed" or "ashamed" to tell anyone else about what they have had to endure (or, in some instances, are still "willingly" enduring as a youth today).

~Joe

As a sexual abuse survivor, I couldn't help but comment on this because of the similar emotions I might have experienced like Coles. It doesn't matter what age, sex, or orientation...the feeling of shame and fear of telling someone is overwhelming. He is not alone. His bravery in telling is story makes him more of a hero, and in my book...more of a man!

He should be commended for speaking openly about the abuse he endured. He can now be a role model for other men and boys who have experienced the same or similar things in their lives. It is brave on his part just like it is brave of Hogfan to reveal that he too was abused. My hat is off to both of them and they make me proud to be a man. Let's all hope that one day there will no longer be a stigma attached to being a victim of this or any other kind of abuse.

I echo the above sentiments about Laveranues, what a brave guy, and also thought Cyd's column was very good. It just got me thinking about the connections between coming out and sharing stories like the one he shared.

I think the reason we're all feeling good about this is that we're all hoping to see a redefining of masculinity. What Coles' story shows is courage, and that has always been a part of the masculine package. But as we all see, there's something new here along with courage.

The other part of traditional masculinity, it seems to me, the one that shuns gay folks, is the part that says that you have to be impenetrable, immune to any and all effects of adversity (except perhaps the death of a loved one), and generally emotionless about life experiences. Isn't that basically the way men in our culture have been taught to be? So you're not supposed to talk about things that have hurt you, and you're definitely not supposed to have been penetrated (and I mean that in all ways - emotionally or physically) by anyone or anything. The closest you can come without falling out of the range of that old masculinity is something like Brett Favre, with all of the hardships of his life. But in that storyline, you're supposed to suck up the tears and have the game of your life on MNF. You may breakdown later talking about it, but it helps if you're a hero. That's not a slight on Favre, whom I love.

The entire shunning of gay men has to do with the idea of men taking things into their bodies. I believe this with all my heart. It doesn't fit that traditional idea of masculinity. That model isn't working anymore; there are too many challenges from straights and gays, because it's confining in an unnatural way. Of course men have to take stuff in. Even if it's just feelings.

I think Coles did an amazing thing and the reaction shows that it's his courage that matters. And I do think that it subtly changes the landscape in a good way. There's a new definition of masculinity coming, and that's going to be a good thing for everybody, us gays included.

Sorry if I just said the obvious. Not sure...
Bill

Because, ESPNBill, that is what women are supposed to do. There are those who shun gay men and consider them "less manly" because they associate them with women who are by definition "not manly". Being gay "reduces" in their minds a man to the status of a woman, intolerable.
That is why the extreme sexism expressed by too many gay men puzzles me. I'm not, please, trying to divert the thread, but don't men, gay and straight, realize the connection between hatred of women and hatred of gay men? And between the shame felt by male sexual assault survivors and the hatred of gay men?
I agree, Coles is far more courageous and more "manly" if I must than any guy who defines his masculinity by contempt of and violence towards women (or gay men).

You got it. I 100% agree with this.

I had pretty much ruled out Laveranues Coles as a punk for leaving Washington and for posting less than impressive numbers since a toe injury and for sometimes dropping passes he should have easily caught, though I acknowledge that Rod (50/50) Gardner was by far the worse offender of the "drop a three yard pass, catch a 50 yard bomb" than Coles was.

However, this admission by Coles changes a lot. Even in my condemnation of Coles, I acknowledged that he was one tough mofo even as receivers go for gritting out his injury and not revealing the extent until after the season. But this admission of his is what real courage is all about, not toughing out an injury to keep suiting up.

Whatever respect I lost for Coles for the way he left Washington has been gained back in spades for this admission. I can never look at Coles the same way again and for me that's a good thing.

It will be a minute before someone can step out that door. As someone who is currently talking to a high profile Atlanta Player I can tell you it mostly involves cellphone calls,text messges and lunch or dinner at non descript 24 hour diner in the Druid Hills neighborhood on Tuesdays.
Of course the early morning or late nite "visits" are intense the double standard still exists. While at the game everyone assumes I am an employee of the organization (the seats are great)and other then eye contact and nosy neighbors were I live it is a whole sub culture keep quite with few outsiders let in.

Ummm, yeah. Right. Sure.

Consider that a gay male can have both those things working against them. The perpretrators have no shame, they spend their whole lives manipulating and sneaking around, thinking of ways and planning how to act on their sickness. Then they will plan ways to make the victim feel guilty, keep them quiet. Pedophiles and all sexual predators need to be locked up for life on the first offense. Kids need more education on this also in elementary school at a young age, so they know its not wrong to tell anyone, and expose them and get it to stop.

Also this is just not a physical act, that is only damaging at the time its happening. The mental consequences and trauma from this are worse and last a lifetime, permanently.

[ October 07, 2005, 12:09 AM: Message edited by: PacCoast ]

Agree, PacCoast but this is also done to women.

Agree, PacCoast but this is also done to women

I know it is and I think that is something that there is a lot more information on that and there are lots of resources available for women who are victims. I'm not comparing one as worse than the other. Just something that has effected my own life. I am not a woman. Society still does frown a lot more on males being victims.

Good web page on the subject. Interesting that most perpetrators identify themselves as heterosexual, and have consensual relationships with women.

Yes, and???

It's not all about women, deBlazer.

Stay on topic. We know your bent.

I dont want to start that whole battle of the sexes thing again like that other thread, I'm just saying the experiences and effects are different in men and women, some are the same, but still different. Maybe this thread would be better under real life or health and fitness also.

Laveranues Coles is on Tuesday's Oprah.

Posted by ltskinmdterp (Member # 3574) on October 18, 2005, 02:04 PM:

Did anyone see Oprah today? Coles talked about how he was raped at gunpoint from ages 11-14 by his stepfather. I was in tears. That was very brave of him to come forward. Oprah made the good point of saying that in the black community this kind of thing isn't talked about enough; its like a double shame and for him to be a popular black NFL star took a lot of bravery from him. What a horrible thing to have happen to someone. I've never been a victim of being sexually abused but my heart really went out to him.

I missed the episode, but there's a recap on the Oprah website.

I watched it last night. It was sad, and I was surprised how he managed to not shed a single tear after recalling his childhood abuse esp after his mom and Oprah was weeping away...
He is a brave man and his story will only help the victims of child sexual abuse.