Yes folks the time has come... I've dug through my papers, checked out the charts and even threw in a little special reporting...
I have a few questions for the hack writers out there.. Dr Z are you still alive? If you are, please retire. Merril "i hit my head" Hodge is a F'in moron. Salsbury, is a chump.
Let us start with the NFC West, or as i like to call it the piece of crap division.
1. Seattle. This seems to be the chic pick to go super bowl hunting. I mean who isnt on their bandwagon? Jaws has even jumped on board, then again he was on board for the Rammy's last year too.. but really.. RB good, the bald QB good. Taylor came on at CB good. Rest of the Defense, sucks. While they win this division because everyone else stinks, i need to ask... when the hell are they going to win on the road? This team was 2-6 on the road, and if one of those games they won was in AZ, that doesnt count as a road game. Until this team proves they can win on the road (against good teams).. they aint going no further than the first round of the playoffs.
2. Arizona This pick will kick me in the ass faster than Denny Green at the secretary pool on a friday night after a few beers. They suck, but so do the rams and the niners. Plus, i hate the rams more than i hate the redbirds.
3. Rams.. Team is ready to blow up. Mike Martz is a genious at screwing things up, not offense.
4. Niners The only scoring that goes on in SF is in the dark corners of the local drinking hole.
NFC North
1. Vikings Cause Sting told me. However, a dome team in the playoffs outside anywhere... better pray for home field or it's over.
2. Detroit I think this team improves this year. Joey needs to cut down on the INT's and they win some more games. I pick them 2nd only because i think GB's run is done. Over. finished.
3. GB I'm so sick of everyone getting on their knees and giving Brett Farve credit for saving the world. Other than that, what have they done to improve their team? Plus look at that schedule..at carolina, at philly, at indy.
4. Chicago...YAWN.. i dont waste my time with last place teams.
NFC South
This division is pretty tough to break down. I mean N.O. SHOULD be good, but like the 4skins they never put it together. Tampa improved on O, but lost on D. Atl is trying to put the west coast O in and has a new coach. Carolina is pretty solid, but after they lost the Supe, i'm still looking to find a fan of the team... anyone? So this is what i'm going to do.. i'll break this division down by hate factor. Actually no, i dont like any of them really. Let me do this by Bandwagon Fan, gravy train factor... Most deserving to least deserving.
1. New Orleans
2. Carolina
3. Tampa- Are they still running the CB blitz to shut down the run? nevermind.
4. Atlanta
Now, what you've all been waiting for the biggy...
NFC East
Let's start from the bottom up.
4. Gints- NYC is asking that the giants please return the non-mobile statue of liberty back to it's orignal place. Wait, i can't say that, the statue always holds onto the torch. I was going to say something about Tiki and Dayne, then it occrued to me, their OL is worse than the 4skins.
2T.. i'm putting the pokes and the 4skins down as a tie. Let's start with the pokes. This team will depend strictly on how their D does. Given the new PI rules, this is going to be a tough call. They play a fairly in your face, the new rules might hurt them. Their run D is great and that will keep them in games. If they can overcome the new rules, they finish 2nd hands down.
4skins, ANYONE HEAR JOE GIBBS IS BACK! Too bad he cant play on the OL or DL where this team has no depth and they have already lost thier best lineman on offense. Another injury or 2 and Portis will get MVP for just averaging 3 yards a carry. On paper this team has the most talent in the division each and every year. Too bad none of them play as a team. Really what i'd like to see is a closer game from the Native Americans. It gets really really old spanking them by 20-30 points a game.
1. Birds. The most telling story of the offseason is not The Freak, it is not TO. The most telling story is who came back. Mainly one Mr Trotter and one Mr. Hugh Douglas. If Trott stays healthy he will be the starting MLB by the end of the year. He was made for this D. He's a slasher not a staight up in your face MLB. Exactly what JJ looks for in a LB. If injuries do not take all the players from DL away this year, i'm looking at a completely 100% solid line-up of 8 quality players that can be rotated in and out of the line up. That is going to be the strength of this team, which was the weakness last year. The young CB's have looked good in the pre-season. With the new rule change they might just do the job and do it well. Vincent and Taylor were more Physical. These guys are more speed.
My only point of concern is the RB situation now that bucky went down. Westbrook needs to prove that he can 1- carry the ball 25 times a game and 2. not get hurt. Hold your breath folks.
So there you have your division winners... all we need is 2 wild cards... I'll take detroit and... the pokes.
Tally ho ho ho for a Happy New Year in Eagle Land.
But really folks, to be serious folks, should none of these come to light, we will always be safe in knowing this on true fact...
Dallas Sucks
and
Parcells swallows!
Cheers to an injury free season for all of the NFC now that fat ass sapp is gone!