I guess I'm trying to reconcile being gay and my side work of sportswriting....I love sports, especially high school basketball and football.

Somehow, I've taken a pure hobby and made it to where I'm considered somewhat of an expert on high school sports in my home state.

But, I'm also fearful of all of that tumbling down should I be outed...yet, I want to open that closet door a little further.

Any ideas?

We have an openly gay sportswriter at the Boston Herald, Ed Gray, who came out publicly in 2003. He's still on the sports beat, recently wrote an opinion piece for them on same-sex marriage.

Don't we also have our very own ESPNBill?

That's right, of course -- Bill Konigsberg, now with the Associated Press, who's been following the Amaechi story for them. Not to mention LZ Granderson at ESPN. Let's not forget Outsports' own Jim & Cyd. Oh yeah, and NFLJockGuy. The National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association has a Mentorship Program that's worth checking out, too. All kinds of resources out there...

To your specific question, are you out in your personal life? Have you let it be known on the job that you're (at least!) "gay-friendly"?

...and there is Brian Hanley from the Sun-Times. Does anybody know if he is actually 'out'??

It really is more complicated that in my regular job...which is what really pays the bills...and, no, I'm not out there......
As for the writing side, one friend, who has a website that I write publications for. often makes jokes teasing that I may be gay, but he just seems to do that for the sake of teasing. I'm not out there....though we do cross paths with some lesbian basketball players and coaches. When talking seriously about those women and their work in sports, we both agree their sexuality doesn't matter(I guess that could be considered "gay-friendly").

Because it isn't my livelihood, I'm just more fearful of losing how much access I've gained if I were out. Am I dealing with living a lie? yes, I probably am, but I don't know how to fully deal with it.

Honestly, at no point in my career (in sports journalism) had I ever even considered that me being gay would ever be a problem professionally, nor has it been.

Granted, I'm only 25 and have only been out of college for three years, but at no point and time has anyone been anything but accepting.

First off, you can only do what is comfortable for you. If you don't feel comfortable enough to come out, you shouldn't. But also take a look around -- I think that a lot of people who do have fears end up not having to realize their fears after they do come out -- I just think that the majority of society is very, very accepting now adays.

And, also think about your profession. While some people do know I'm gay, the vast majority of the people I cover/interview/etc.. dont' -- not because I keep it a secret but just because when you talk with them, you are doing so for business -- you are talking about their team, their players, etc... never your sex life. So I really don't see how/why it would ever be an issue.

Before I came out the reason I wasn't out was simply because I was coaching high school and knew some of the families of the kids I was coaching was very conservative --- the bottom line is that, even the most religious/conservative kid I could think of was cool with me being gay. I could be foolish, but I just don't think gay is a big deal. I don't think most people think it is a big deal, and I'd be willing to bet if you were to come out you wouldn't have any issues. But, like I said, that is a decision only you can make.

But laxmanmd, do you think that if you were interviewing an athlete about the Hardaway issue it would be ethically ok to ask questions that might lead to a homophobic response without letting them know you are gay?

Would they feel snookered into a homophobic response. Take Lebron James comment that he feels a teammate who was closeted would be betraying the trust of his fellow players. That is the twisted illogical world they live in, and you would have to live with.

Any homophobic quote from them that you print might be held against you by the athlete as taken out of context or gotten under false pretenses and anything you did not print, should it come out later that you knew it but never said anything, might be considered a betrayal by the gay community.

I would be interested in any sportswriters response to the hypothetical, or perhaps a real situation.

Where does the line between journalistic ethics and personal preservation lie.

Certainly a journalist should not be "expected" to risk his or her life. But the coin of the realm is journalistic integrity and many have gone to jail to protect it. Surely some athletes have asked to speak "off the record" knowing they can enforce a journalist's silence by threatening to out them as violating their integrity.

Does a writer who is a Catholic have an ethical obligation to reveal his religious affiliation prior to interviewing someone about Catholic priests sexually abusing children? I don't think so. Same goes with a gay writer. If the report isn't biased it doesn't matter who is asking the questions.

well I guess he is NOW!.....it's better to know the answer to THAT question BEFORE you post it....!

I actually don't know who he is.You'd better behave before someone outs you! XOX

PULEEEEZE!.... I challenge you to find a Sportswriter, Team GM, Sports Director or Producer in this town that DOESN'T know that I'm gay.....

They have all worked with me or for me in my much-storied past.....

I want to work for you,too! Of course I have no experience in that field but after seeing alot of our local news people,it doesn't seem to matter!

You have emphasized my point by taking that paragraph out of context. My next paragraph states that I would find that illogical but some might not.

Athletes might believe that anything they say to a gay reporter might be taken out of context because the culture they live and breathe is homophobic. They can not negotiate that minefield the way most of us can.

And let's face it, most of us have problems with it.

The reason many interviewers might want to stay in the closet is because it gives them access they would not have otherwise. I do not have a problem with that. I wanted to know if some of them do.

The solution is for those athletes to become educated in how to understand issues surrounding homosexuality and empathy with people who are different from the norm but not a threat to them or their lifestyle. Making the environment safe for those who are openly gay is the first step. If interviewers find it useful to remain closeted that is their choice. But if they find it necessary that is very different.

Oh Eddie, I'm sure he wouldn't mind putting you to work in one manner or another.

NFLJockGuy and I have never met.I would never hang with such a fast crowd!

I'm never in town long enough!!!..

And now that Spring Training has started and the NBA Playoffs aren't that far off, your chances of seeing me out and about in THIS town are pretty slim.... Eddie, my "crowd" is just as normal as yours...they just have fatter bank accounts....

Does Cokie Roberts have to tell, say...Dennis Hastert, that she is a liberal woman from the South when interviewing him regarding his position on the lack of response in New Orleans post-Katrina? I don't think so (for many obvious reasons disregard the 'duh' factor). To me, it's a matter of the reporter's integrity and ability give 'unbiased' reporting. In other words, the persons' ability to do the job well.

Granted, the gay issue is different, but we should still be the first ones to say that 'my being gay' doesn't effect how I do my job (or in this case, hobby), any more than my being ________ (insert your own sort of demographic).

I do agree that your point of it being a choice, or it being necessary, is totally spot on!

Pooooor Eddie!

Thanks for the conversation on my dilemma...FYI, 2/21(Wed) was my birthday---I'll have both a game story and photo printed on Thursday in a suburb paper(possibly online, too)

I guess my situation might be different had I began without the stigma of being in the closet...in some ways, it's almost too late to be out.

I guess "Frustrated Coach" eventually came out here...who knows? Maybe you can call me "Frustrated Writer", lol..for right now, I don't think I can go through it, but I appreciate any support and advice

"too late to be out"???!!

This one confuses me. A lot of the co-workers and colleagues I have now that know about my sexual orientation and could give a rat's ass about it, knew me professionally and had a respect for my work and my friendship BEFORE they eventually found out that I am gay. Because they knew I had the skills to do the job and they valued our professional relationship (they'd get a lot less airtime if they gave me shit! ) I'd have to say that I haven't had a single negative incident professionally with a player or journalist (at least to my face) in the sports setting.

I've never made a point to have "coming out" discussions or moments with people; I treat my sexual orientation (who I live with, who I am dating, sleeping with, whatever) as normal as my straight colleagues. If I'm invited to a function that includes a date, I take whoever I'm seeing at the time and let them figure it out; they usually do pretty quickly. I decided MANY years ago to treat it as "normal" as my straight friends do and then you're not setting yourself up or allowing them to make an issue of it. When you start dropping the pronoun "we" around when talking about your last trip to Europe or restaurant you've recently tried, they get the idea. Plus I've got bigger "guns" than most of the sports writers in this town, so they wouldn't DARE!

If you've made a professional reputation for yourself already, it should have set up a good base for you to open the door. Your sexual orientation should mean nothing if they already have respect for your work.
Good Luck!

----I see said the blind man.......in other words, just be me, and live my life, without this being any big deal...THANKS!!!

The "closet" gets to be more complicated as you move on in life.Somewhere along the way you just get tired of covering your tracks.It took me a looooooooooong time to come out to certain friends/associates because before I told them,some of them had been known to make very insensitive and anti-gay remarks.
Either way only you can decide if you want to continue the masquerade but I think you will get tired of it as well.I think that is the blessing of having a website like this because it lends you some valuable insight as well as extra moral support.

I may have missed this before, but who are you NFLJockGuy? Are you a former player or a current sports journalist?

I'm a Television Executive Producer as well as a DGA Director.... was never big enough to play competitive ball further than High School...I'm a Buckeye and started my sports journalism career while at Ohio State and was definately never in THAT league as a baller.... was given opportunities to cover some great College ball there and now get to cover some awesome sports at the Pro level in Detroit.... I think once I hit 30 years of age (as Eddie mentioned above) it just gets old trying to cover your tracks and if anyone gave a shit by then, I said "f**k em, they need to get over it"....I think more people respect me for my confidence as an openly gay man and how I've shattered a lot of stereotypes in the newsroom and lockerroom than would if I'd kept it under wraps....
Just this man's perspective....

I love it when you're being profound!

That's an incredibly impressive curriculum vitae . Where do you work now? Also, do you have any stories, either positive or negative, about interviewing athletes considered to be in the upper echelon? Please PM them to me when you have an opportunity. Thanks.

Watch your language young man! Leave it to you to be looking at the man's vitae!

It's me......I'm Jeff and I am gay and I happen to also write sports.....

Hey man, you got more balls than me, posting your name on here, kudos to you. I wish you covered wrestling in my area, the ass**** there basically took every opportunity to say I wasn't that good and this other kid would kick my ass. Turns out I beat the kid, placed in states and the kid didn't make it outta regions, heh heh. And that writer was straight, which goes to show that sexuality really doesn't matter when writing about sports, straight people can be consistently wrong about the stuff they write, lol, and judging by what you said, it doesn't seem like you're wrong too often if you have a lot of access to whats going on. Just do your best with the writing and come out when you're ready. This place is real helpful if you need to get something off your chest, I've realized that, and the people are very encouraging. Hell, I think I'll take my lead from you right now and let my name, well my middle one at least, be known on here.

Peace man,

-Matt

wow, imagine that, my being an inspiration to you.....

Hey, a lot of people on this inspire me in different ways, a lot of times I can't put my finger on it, but for some reason, hell, I felt like letting part of my name be known after reading your post. I probably sound cliche as shit, but this place is the only place I can talk about being gay and I take what I can from here. Don't count me as being sarcastic when I say stuff like this, even if do come across as it, I'd never do that to someone in the same relative sort of position as me. Just remember, you're probably better than most of the sportswriters in my area, they sucked dick (... at writing about sports) and they were straight, lol.

-Matt

Kinda off topic but when you guys cut down sports writers or TV Sports Reporters / Anchors, make sure you let them know when they're doing a good job do.

Believe me, it's kinda disheartening when every once in a while you get a nasty email from an anonymous viewer cutting down everything you do and cover... and once in a blue moon you get someone thanking you for your hard work and dedication.

BTW... Great job Jeff and Matt at putting your names out there... hope to do that some day myself.

I got a response to this, but I aint gonna hijack the thread, so I'll post something relevant first. Think about what you said in your last post indyyjr... you did seem a little bit sarcastic, but hey, like I said, I probably came off as pretty freakin cliche. In all honesty though, when you posted your name, it did 'inspire' me enough to at least post my middle name, which it feels very liberating to use on this site (again, you got bigger balls than me man, posting your first name). Now think about your writing. You said that it is gay friendly, which has to be inspiring to any kid reading it who is a closeted athlete. Little things can prove inspirational, even if just for a few moments. So feel good about yourself that you helped someone who is in a similar situation out. Your gay friendly writing must have done a lot more than inspire one person, and it probably helped a couple of kids realize they're not the only gay athletes out there. Besides, hell, you're a sportswriter, isn't a large part of your job to write inspiring things?

But anyway, Enigma, its ranting about (and giving some praise to ) sportswriters time. I gave the lady who covered me in the state tournament a call after her article came out, I couldn't imagine a better article being written to sum up what happened, especially considering the fact that I rambled on for like 10 minutes when I talked to her, cuz it was right when I got off the mat and I was out of breath. Despite this, she was able to get the feel for what I said, and me as a generally humble person, despite all the "Hell yea!"s and "Oh yea, I pinned his ass!"es I was shouting (I placed, whaddaya expect? lol). The dude I mentioned though... god, where do I begin? My freshman year when I went undefeated on JV (Hells yea!) he didn't mention a word about our varsity team when it was our first winning record in years. My sophomore year is the one time I'll give him credit, he wrote one article about the turnaround my team had, but never returned to the topic. Junior year? I was like Rodney Dangerfield... no respect, even when I convincingly beat guys he thought were heads and shoulders above me, and my team got no respect even when we won a couple of titles, one of them being pretty big, and we ended up ranked in the state. I mentioned my senior year before.

Other than my team, his predictions were pretty good, but when you completely neglect my team, which was ranked in the state my last 2 years of high school and I consistently prove to be a good wrestler (I placed high in states my senior year) and yet you just shrug me off as mediocre, I have a problem with that. Hell, we got more respect from the hometown paper of a team we beat in the group state tournament than he gave us, lol. Maybe he just hated my school and wanted us to lose, I dunno, but his coverage of my school was piss poor. I mean, a lot of times with guys from my school, he gave no good reason why the other guy would win, usually something like, "when he wrestles his best, he's one of the premier wrestlers in the state" was written about the other guy, even though the kid wasn't even state caliber. There were plenty of good sportswriters around in high school, and I've talked to quite a few and told them I appreciate their work, but he was the only writer I ever wanted to stab in the eyeball with a rusty nail. Oh yea, I saw him at the Regional tournament last year when I was home, the dude wouldn't even look me in the eye, lol, maybe its because he knows he deserves that rusty nail.

I totally agree with you! I am heavily involved with the TV station at the University I attend. As assistant sports director, much of my job involves press conferences, media rooms, and appearing in front of a camera while helping freshmen learn the ropes of the station. Like you, I have NEVER experienced ANY discrimination/comments/etc from anyone in a professional atmosphere.

Some background:
I got involved with the station in January of this year, after one of my best friends here basically dragged me to a recruitment meeting. Nobody knew I was gay at the time - which was when I began seeing someone here in what was a semi-serious relationship. I did enough for the station and impressed the sports director enough with my work that they made me assistant sports director for 07-08. In April 07, I changed my Facebook page to display that I was "In a Relationship" while I did not specify whom I was "interested in".
The friend who recruited me to the Sports staff asked me about it after a meeting, and after coming out to my roommate and another close friend the day before, I worked up the balls to tell this friend exactly what he deal was.

I was terrified, because I was afraid it would jeopardize my role with the station and ruin any chances of my advancement. But, to my surprise, he was very chill about it and told me he didn't care and that it "didn't change who I was". That stayed under wraps for a while. We shared the drive back to the East Coast in May, (as I am from NJ and he is from VA). On the 16+ hour drive, the subject of my being gay came up. He elaborated on what he had said, that it didn't make a difference, and that he wanted me to be more open around people because he felt I am one of his best friends - and it would make me happier that way. Meanwhile, he assured me he had not told anyone on the staff.

Fast forward to September of this year. My work with the station got off to a quick start and we recruited more than 40 people for our staff. But something seemed wrong with me - I didn't feel right. I still hadn't adjusted my Facebook to display that I was "interested in men". I kept mulling it over, whether I should display it or not. So finally, one night at 3 am while making sure my drunk [straight] roommate slept upright, I wrote a note on Facebook and changed my "Interested In" to "Men". I explained to as many people as I could tag that it was something I had known about for as long as I have been conscious, and that my only hope was that people would treat me the same as a straight man.

Since that day, I have gotten nothing but positive feedback from everyone. I'm a lot more comfortable around people and rarely do I hear "fag", "gay", etc. used around me in a derogatory tone. The staff of new freshmen and sophomores I work with have been totally cool with it and don't bring it up. I have not had ANY trouble dealing with players or media relations when I cover a game or story. They don't know, don't need to know, and I don't act like a flamer, so there is no reason to suspect anything.

I hope you can get to this point as well. The hardest is just making that decision to tell people and come out. Once you do it, you can't go back - but I guarantee, chances are you'll be happier as an out gay man and people will respect you for your work, and leave judgements on sexuality out of it.

Glad I went back and reread this thread in the middle of the night having a bout with insomnia.

The mere mention of Ohio State gives me visions of that hunky former Buckeye linebacker Matt Wilhelm that will surely help put me to sleep.

And the thought that I might be able to break away from weekend chores to see the game between the Buckeyes and the Nittany Lions this weekend makes the fantasy all the sweeter.

There, see what a great inspiration you've been.

Good for you! You have a lot more courage than I for sure. And congrats as well for being in one of the top sports journalism programs in the country, you can cover that loss to Illinois next month.