My current boyfriend (bf) and soon to be Ex-boyfriend have been together for 9 months in what we agreed would be a monogamous relationship. He just got a new job, which calls for lots of traveling. I don’t want to go into details but something triggered my gut instinct and I had to take action to satisfy my intuition, especially if this is the man I’m going to exchange vows with in the near future. His first week of travel took him to the southern metropolis of Dallas, Texas and the second week to Tennessee. After week one, I was feeling a little silly because of the absurdity of what I was doing. I mean trying to catch my boyfriend cheat over the internet. What was I thinking? Not a shot in hell right? WRONG!

My first fictitious posting appeared in Dallas’ craigslist under the title, men seeking men. That week was a waste as it appears the Dallas forum was inundated with one too many dick and ass adverts. I was ready to throw in the towel after my failings, but decided to go toss out the bait one more time after I learned my bf was going to have a long weekend in Nashville with no work.
There were far fewer ads on Nashville’s craigslist resulting in less competition. I hit the jackpot with his reply after receiving 12 miscellaneous e-mails of various sized cocks and the occasional torso with blurred face pictures. Not my boyfriend though, he sent a clear picture of himself from our Christmas vacation photos in Mexico. DAMN YOU! As you can imagine, I was stunned to see his name waiting in my inbox. I read it, cried, and left the apartment and didn’t return until the following day. I gathered myself and replied to his message because my good friend in L.A., who’s a lawyer, tried to offer up excuses as to why Josh would be replying to a personal ad for sex. So I had to get a little more info to justify my actions before dumping his sorry ass.

The following is a transcript of my boyfriend’s communication to me and my fictitious ad for sex.

Asian seeks GWM - 31
Hi, looking for other nice guys staying at the Marriott hotel or nearby for fun. Can host I'm cute, 5'6", 146, 30w, slim & smooth, gym toned bod, 6"cut, vers. Free 2nite and this wkend.
I enjoy oral, jk off, kissing and whatever else might happen... Here till Mon. No flakes or meanies. {a full body pic of an asian boy in a seductive pose}

From : (bf’s full name) <(bf’s full name)@aol.com>
Sent : Friday, March 2, 2007 12:46 PM
To : Christopher Hung chris_hung69@hotmail.com
Subject : Re: Asian seeks GWM – 31

Hi! I am also staying at the Marriott this weekend, and am here now.
I would be interested in meeting you. I am 36, 5'8", white male, here on business. I have attached a photo of myself.

Please let me know if you are interested.

Josh

From: Christopher Hung <chris_hung69@hotmail.com>
To: (bf’s full name)@aol.com
Sent: Saturday, March 3, 2007 10:21:56 AM
Subject: Asian seeks GWM - 31

hi josh, thanks for reply. Your very handsome. Sorry, I found someone last
night but i would like to get together with yoyu tonight. What you into? I
like to suck and f**k and get suck and f**ked. Let me know.
Chris

From : (bf’s full name) <(bf’s full name)@aol.com>
Sent : Saturday, March 3, 2007 2:28 PM
To : Christopher Hung chris_hung69@hotmail.com
Subject : Re: Asian seeks GWM - 31

I like a little bit of everything. Definitely versatile. What time would you like to get together? You can call my room--the operator can connect you—(Rm#). (bf’s full name). I am here with several coworkers who may want to get together for dinner, I'm not sure. I don't have to go with them; just let me know what time you had in mind, and I can make plans.

Josh

*There’s no reply from Chris because this is all the evidence I need.


From : (bf’s full name) <(bf’s full name)@aol.com>
Sent : Saturday, March 3, 2007 3:54 PM
To : Christopher Hung chris_hung69@hotmail.com
Subject : Re: Asian seeks GWM – 31

How can I get in touch with you? You can call my cell phone xxx-xxx-xxxx if you can't reach me in my room.

Josh
END


Lastly, my bf is an honest, sincere, loveable guy. I don’t know what possessed him to do what he did. I know he's in love with me and will be devestated by the breakup but I will never be able to forgive him or understand his actions for hurting me in this way. After this episode, I can’t see myself ever getting into another relationship. I’m terminating our 'committed' relationship once he returns at the end of the week. Thanks for reading.

I'm really sorry to see something like this,it's very sad.Obviously he's not that "honest" or this would have never happened.It's an old saying but most of the time it's true..."Time heals all wounds" Hopefully after some time passes you will be able to move on to another relationship and be happy,again.Good luck.

Don't overreact about all men or the potential for a committed relationship with someone else. It didn't work after 9 months--be glad you found out and move on, learning from this experience. Clearly it wasn't working before you caught him, or you wouldn't have taken these steps in the first place. But there are still great men out there.

Dude, I can't even imagine what that feels like. I'm going to echo some of the sentiments by saying that it's good you found this out now, before you invested more time and energy into this relationship. Not all men are like your soon-to-be ex, so try not to let this experience turn you into a bitter and angry queen. If you want to vent your frustrations, you can always rip your ex a new hole on Craigslist....that's what I saw on the Pittsburgh board, and man, was it beautiful! This girl eviscerated and emasculated her ex who had cheated on her. Go get angry, but not destructive...you need to vent, but don't get arrested. And of course, we'll be here for you.

Wow...I'm really sorry this happened to you brother. I wish I had some words of advice but I personally don't believe that most men can be monogamous, especially gay men. I'm not trying to be the voice of doom and gloom and I certainly think there are guys out there who are monogamous but the majority are not. I'm just glad you found out. I do think though that a man can absolutely pick a partner and that is the one he comes home to and makes love to while the other guys are just sex objects. Maybe I'm just too cynical but one of my favorite Sex and the City quotes comes from Samantha who said, "Men cheat for the same reason dogs lick their balls: because they can." It has absolutely NOTHING to do with you.

It's pretty sad that a guy would want to cheat while out of town, especially in a relationship that's not even a year old. But at the same time it seems a bit twisted to place a phony ad for hookups using someone else's photo, hoping to entrap his boyfriend. Aren't there better ways of dealing with relationship problems?

sfdriftking76, I cannot imagine myself in your shoes, at least not at the present time. It is inconceivable that you were able to catch your own boyfriend in such a blatant act. My sympathies are with you and I pray that I never have to find out what that sick-in-the-stomach feeling is like.

By my experience, gay men in general are not so monogamous and that is a stereotype that I've found to be true, personally. Please, it is ok to be angry. It is not ok to act out of spite and malice toward your significant other.

you're partially right-men in general aren't monogamous

but face it, sex is celebrated in the gay community-those of us who would like a monogamous relationship are thought of as less almost

whenever I check out Craiglist, I see the same ads over and over and over and over-I wish I had the time to think of nothing but sex but I have to work for a living

I've been in that place where sex rules all but thank God I'm not there any longer

I'm certainly not a prude by any stretch and I like my fun now and again but I think that I respect myself more than some of the people who post on Craigslist and other such sites

Neither are straight men or women. There are estimates that for about 10%+ of children, the supposed father isn't the biological father. And that would only account for the sidesteps where no contraception was used that resulted in a pregnancy.

Sorry to hear it didn't work out with your partner, driftking. Although, if he really loves you, and by the way you described him, maybe you'll manage to forgive him. Noone is perfect, after all.

Anyone who goes to the ludicrous trouble of placing an ad and trying to trap his own boyfriend clearly has emotional problems in the first place. I think it's far more humiliating to have placed the ad than to have responded...Guys who spend their time within their relationships obsessing over monogamy probably never had it in the first place and are really just trying to find someone to make them feel secure about themselves. Monogamy is a choice but when someone goes to such an extent to try and force it on someone, than they're the ones who're in need of therapy. If someone thinks there's someone better out there, let them go...or continue to act like a desperate housewife with nothing better to do than spy on her boyfriend/husband...

You know ... you may have a new career outta this stunt ... Maybe perhaps working on Cheaters?

Sfdriftking76, How do you know your bf didn't find out this was your fake ad and reply to it just to catch you in a joke? I mean really, if you went to enough trouble to place a fake ad to see if your bf would respond to it how do you know he didn't already know it was you all along?

I really believe that cheaters are always checking on their bf's to see if they are cheating too. I think it's the guilt that eventually gets to you and you start to wonder if you are being cheating on so you start searching around to catch them in the act. I have been there and done that so I know. You start to look for evidence they are cheating so it justifies your own cheating. Does this sound familiar?

Oh, I would be tested too if you think the bf has been cheating a lot and you two have been having unprotected sex. You just never know.

You beat me to it Bryan. Not excusing the boyfriend, but my question to sfdriftking is that when whatever had happened that triggered your gut instinct had happened, whether you had spoken to your boyfriend then? Even if you had, it's a little distrubing that you decide to trap him and, when you failed the first time, you tried again - I wonder if had you failed the second time, whether you would have kept on trying until you finally confirmed your suspicions? A touch analogous to the hypochondriac perhaps?

And another question, why did you keep on emailing him after he sent you a reply the first time? Wasn't his first email enough evidence?

There also seem to be a touch of the old "making up excuses" going on here. Because of this incident, you don't see yourself getting into another relationship? So, you'll basically avoid relationships based on what happened here. Just a suggestion, but perhaps you just need to just trust in people. If they don't repay your trust move on. It happened once doesn't mean it's going to happen again.

Now, if it was the 10th time you caught your cheating boyfriend, then perhaps you need to capitalise on your misfortune and think Jerry Springer

while it was a bit traumatizing to see you post personal email out of anger which i refused
to read i must say that if you didn't trust your boyfriend you should have broken up with him.
without trust there can be no love so the need to go searching is not necessary it's only
for drama. by the by, if you don't have friends outside of this message board to talk to
about this who know both of you that's a real problem. i hope you get the support you need.

I've always wanted to be on Jerry but I'm too normal

which is saying a lot!

Oh Theodoresdaddy,please don't say that! You're too classy to be on Jerry Springer as are 80% of these posters.I despise that fool and his disgrace of a show.I think there may be a little more to this story anyway.
I haven't been in a relationship for several years and it's mostly because of the last scumbag who I had invested all of my feelings in.Commitment means absolutely nothing to some people and it would nice to know that ahead of time before you waste your time falling in love with them.

Man you're a drama queen. Save the the victim act that you "can't see yourself ever getting into a relationship again." Snap out of it. You're BF made a choice, and it cost him his relationship with you. We all make choices, and yours was to end the relationship.

Now start analyzing the guys you date, figure out why you keep dating the same type of man. And start looking at men, love and relationships in a different light and you may find the one you want. He may already be in your life, (a good friend, or fun co-worker) but you never gave him the chance to be that man for you. Be friends first, then add the sex in, learn that sex is not intimacy.

I learned a new medical condition on this week's SNL...maybe your cheating boyfriend has RPS...Restless Penis Syndrome.