I live in rural Michigan, about an hour from Kalamazoo, 45 min from South Bend, Indiana and 2.5 hours from Chicago. I have played on teams in LA and NY and loved every minute of it. I now play hockey in a straight environment and it hardly compares to the camaraderie and friendships that are built in the gay locker room. The same thing goes in the softball dugout, etc.

For those who live in rural areas, how have you dealt with this dilemma? Do you drive to the city? Do you try to form a "quiet" team in the league? Do you just grin and bear it? I am relaxing a bit, but the homophobia can get a bit over the top, but I refuse to stop playing the games I love.

I would be more than happy to start forming teams of most any sport if there was an interest (I love to play most ever sport), and I am sure there is, but I am wrestling on how to do it out in the country. Ideas? Suggestions? know any interested people?

You might find something of interest in this old thread from Outsports.

Young and Gay in Real America

He's not a gay athlete, but he is in rural America. I wonder how he's doing three years after the articles ran.

Why pull away from the sport and form a new league just because of sexuality. f**k it they will get over if you can play the game and dont bitch about everything i would say something to people one on one about the behaviors towards Gays in the locker rooms. I played football in western Pa for a year and my center who was also an All-American and the Biggest redneck i ever meet, was my biggest supporter when it came to people talking about me. i was his left side and i watched his back when it came down to it and he was from an area where he didnt know any gay people yet alone a team mate. Talk to someone you think will be a good freind and that will understand you this way u know this person will be able to stick up with you when the time comes. My center on my college team was also the biggest dick if that helps so people are kind of scared of a dick.

I think this is the one board where you will find that being afraid of d*ck is NOT the problem.

It's not clear from your comments: Are you out to these guys? By "quiet team", I assume you mean a closeted gay team. Does your rural community even have enough sports-minded gay folks to form a team?

We've had any number of discussions here in the Gays in Sports forum about coming out to teammates, coaches etc. If that is the issue, like Thenextheaveyweight08 says, it may be just as well to deal with it. Might help your general comfort level, too, way out there in rural Michigan...

It appears that there are several issues on hand here. The first I see is that maybe you aren't as secure in yourself and your sexual identity as your think you are. The second is that by not speaking up in lockerrooms when the gay jokes are being told, or when the homophobia is at its worst, you are enabling them to continue. Will you be black-balled if you speak up - maybe, but that is the price you pay. Do the guys you currently play with know you are gay or do you pretend you are straight?

The third issue is one of forming a "quiet" team. If you do, will leagues in the cities you mentioned (Kalamzoo and South Bend) allow you to enter a gay team into the league? Do you know if there would even be enough interest? Are there others besides yourself currently playing on teams that would like to form a gay team?

this is a major issue for me. i am from San Diego, where we had MANY gay sports teams. I am in rural AZ for 5 years, and all I have is the gym..by myself. No teams. Can't wait to get back to SD.

Hey guys

Wow - great questions and responses. Much to think about on this subject. As to my comfort and acceptance of my sexual orientation, I have been working on it now for about 15-20 years - we all take our own paths. I am out in my church, at my job, with my friends and family, etc, but living in a very conservative out-there area and taking a job that is fairly public means that I had to choose how "out" I was going to be. I have chosen, for the sake of my job and the people I work for, to live a quiet life - not a closeted life. Some might disagree. Is this the right choice? For some of us yes, for others of us, no. Having lived in NY, Chicago and LA over the past decade, with a few rural spots in-between, I have chosen to live a rural life for a reason, and with that comes choices, no different than living in an urban environment, etc.

As to being a gay athlete in a rural area... Yes, I could come out in the locker room, that is an option, but I am just an add-on to the team. I have no real friends (I am new to area) so I feel a bit isolated already and do not wish to isolate myself any further. Nor do I see it as a necessary part of my game; I just like to play left wing. I love the sport and do not plan to quit because of a few rednecks. Maybe in time coming out could be an option. I have played on gay hockey and volleyball teams in LA, rugby in NY, and loved every minute of it. I know that it will never be that out here - but it doesn't mean that I am the only gay guy playing sports out here as well. My God, we're everywhere, as the cliché goes.

One aspect of all of your responses was how we all define "out" and how we all have lived into it as gay jocks. I was a jock/athlete before I ever understood what it meant to be sexual let alone gay. I have a TV to watch sports - that's it. I have a radio to listen to sports as well. It's not all I do, but it is a passion of mine. Being a gay man is very important to me, but passion as an athlete is more fun.

I am off to the Toronto gay hockey tourney in October to play with other gay men and women and counting down the minutes. But I do the same on Fridays before my game. I know it will be a great time.

Thanks for the ideas and support, guys.

Catch'ya later.