I don't use your stress as a reason to procrastinate young man! Get that paper done!

awsome hope all goes well for you!

Good luck, man. I hope all goes well.



I feel you pain on the paper front. I have a 3000 worder due on friday and I haven't even began to type it yet.

This is only a 4 pager, but i need to do research for it, so that makes it take a lot longer, plus i need to formulate a thesis. and i suck at formulating thesises (spelling? is it thesi?)

Theses, I think.

So anywy, I have done the research for mine but instead of beginning to type the actual paper I figured I would go have a walk and a smoke and feel sorry for myself for a while on acount of -I don't really remember what set it off actually. Sometimes I really just get kinda down on myself and depressed. Anyway while I was out , it started to piss down rain and the wind really picked up. At that point I sorta had one of those moments; you know the ones where where you sorta see yourself from a third person perspective? I was alone, getting absolutly soaked in a rain storm with my head down and a cigarette hanging out of my mouth and all I could think was that I looked like a scene out of a really, really, really bad movie. At that point, the ridiculousness of the situation kind of hit me, so I walked home sorta laughing at myself. Anyway, I have a pot of coffee on now, I'm in dry cloths and I figure the caffine + nicotine should keep me alert for a few hours of work to come.... now if I could only stop procrastinating on here...

Hey Dan:
Between your lethargy and Matt's ass, you two have a lot of angst going on!

Seriously, as a writer I know what deadlines are like so my only advice is to bear down and start writing and worry about cleaning it up after. I bought a program that recognizes my voice and is fairly accurate and I used it to "write" some of the chapters in our book; it was an interesting experience.

Good luck!

I feel you. I was walking back from the store with some Monster energy drinks and some cigarettes (I couldn't stop at two packs... telling my coach has brought on too much stress) and what do I see? Some people standing there and clapping for a group of athletes who had just gotten back from a game that they lost (It was a women's team, I don't know which one). I'll be damned if I ever got that, even when I won a f**king tournament by winning 5 matches. I know that one guy I beat there, no, I mean 1 guy I smacked around and almost got a technical fall over, thats winning by 15 points for you non-wrestlers... its basically a mercy rule, placed at Division II Nationals. Oh, i and got a little award at the end of it, outstanding wrestler of the tournament. Any recognition on campus even though I got athlete of the week recognition? f**k no, I only remember 1 person saying something to me. Hell, 1 person saw me wearing a shirt that said **** Wrestling on it (Sorry, I aint giving away my skool) and asked me if I wrestled. I said yes. He said he heard the team wasn't that good, that he wrestled in high school, and jokingly said that he could kick my ass. So I relate the above events to him and he was all like "woah" "sorry man, I guess you could kick my ass". No respect... no respect...

So anyway, what do I do when I see this? I say fooooook it and do something very stupid. I crush up a pill of my Ritalin and snort it. Then I play video games for 2 hours. Now I'm here cause I feel like an ass****. Your story at least made me realize I aint alone in having one of those moments tonite. Well, time for a smokey smoke (Yes, I know cancer sticks are bad, I don't need to hear it =P) and getting back to work. Good luck with your shit too, know that you aint alone in having one of those moments tonight, take heart! I f**ked up after mine, you seem to have gotten your shit together after yours.

- Matt

Gwaaaah. Can't sleep. Having trouble writing the paper. But I did think of a new way to approach my coach.

"I'd like to ask for your confidentiality in this matter. Especially towards the team. This is an issue that if they find out about, it should be from my mouth. I'm placing a lot of trust in you, and that should indicate the faith I have in you as a coach and as a person, you'll soon see why."

"I've never acted indecently towards my teammates over all the years you've coached me, have I?" He'll agree, because I never have. "Right, well, I do my best not to, and even have taken time out of my life to make sure this is not a problem. You've kicked me out of the wrestling room on a few occasions after practice has ended because I was just laying there on the mat. I was doing this out of respect for my teammates, though I'm not going to lie, I was tired too" Chuckle a little bit. "The way it shows respect for my teammates is because I know some of them would not like me to be in the showers with them. Do you know why that is?" He might have an inkling, but will likely ask why. "Its because I'm gay. Not that I would do anything if I'm in the showers with them, I view them like brothers in a way and could not bring myself to look at them in a sexual way. It also has only affected my wrestling in an indirect way, by causing me mental grief due to the fact that I had to hide who I really am. I don't think I would have been able to be as successful as I was if I was thinking about how hot another guy was when I was out on the mat."

Then while we talk I can get into that email last year, how being bipolar, injured, the email, getting hit on by a gay guy while teammates were around, and not being fully comfortable with my sexuality at that point all combined to make me go crazy last year.

f**k, I keep posting cause its relieving the stress somewhat, but heres another idea.

"Hey coach..." Smile all coy like. "I want to tell you something...(In my best feminine lispy voice)" Smile again and look away, look back, into his eyes, look away... "You're a total hottie." Now get all aggressive, jump across his desk and grab his crotch. Lick my lips. "I know you feel the same way!" He invariably agrees, locks his door, and we have a wild lovemaking session that ends with him telling me that I'm back on the team and that he'll be stopping by my dormroom later that night with a bottle of champagne!

Hey... it could happen...

I mean that completely in jest. Again, I kid. In no way do I want that to happen. I would morally object. But the thought popped into my head, I thought it was hilarious, and so I decided to post it, lol. Although I would not object to the champagne. As long as he buys me the bottle after I place at nationals, lol, and theres no sex involved. Or crotch grabbing. Or thoughts of said things. Or him stopping by my room. But drinking with the man after placing at nationals would be coolness on a scale of epic proportions.

-Matt

Again, I do NOT want to screw my coach. At all. He be teh d00d who lerns me 2 wrassle. Nutteeng mawr.

f**k, I think I've looked at too many LOLCAT photos in my procrastination tonight. Although, since I aint wrestling at the moment... I can haz cheezburger. Fine. I'll stop with the LOLCAT references.

3 hours 10 minutes to showtime . Shit, class today is going to suck . I wish I had some xanax right now, not this oxazepam shit that barely relieves my stress when it gets like this . I don't know if I'm gonna last 30 minutes in class. I'm either showing up late or leaving early cause I'm not going to be able to take it. I just want to scream or punch something right now . It is highly likely that I am going to go out to a bar tonight and get shitface hammered . Or, I just won't be stressed after telling my coach and I'll do the work I should have been doing all night but only got part of it done because I have a 5 minute attention span . I don't know. What I do know is that I feel like I'm going craaaehhhhhzeeee .

God, one day I'll look back on this and laugh at how stupid I was, getting stressed out over nothing, but that's the future and I can't change how I feel in the present by thinking that, believe me, I've tried .

I've switched from LOLCAT to emoticons. Better? When I get like this I feel the need to do stupid things cause they take my mind off crap and make me feel better. Sorry about the idiocy and string of posts.

-Matt

Shit, son!

I think if I spent as much time as you did planning scenarios for the meeting I would have definately managed to talk myself out of the whole thing by now.

Anyway, you will be happy to know you are not the only one with a 5 minute attention span. I completed the title page, annotated bibliography, typed my notes and shuffled them into a coherent outline and then convinced myself I had done enough and that I should go to bed at 11:00. This morning I cleanded my room and went for a swim and baisically have been doing anything I can to avoid having to write a coherent thought in the english language down on paper.... anyway 23 hours to go! I will likely be up for all of them.

It all went well. He made it a non-issue. I'll be back on the team if I'm academically elligible and have the psychologist on campus clear me. Thats really all there is to say. Oh, a new issue popped up, but I don't feel like talking about it. I need sleep now. Whew. I am relieved, but still wish I had some xanax, now I want it for ze fun aspect of it =P. f**k I'm tired, I'm gonna go to sleep.

I hear Hollywood is in desperate need of writers right this moment! ...

Or at least Colt magazine is.

That's fantastic! Congrats!

Ditto!

Hey Matt,

That's really great to hear that things went well with the coach. I would suggest some partying is in order...

I just woke back up. Unfortunately, its crunch time and I have too much work to party. Saturday is different though. I have a bottle of Jose Cuervo Black, a liter bottle of Coke, a tin of Copenhagen, and since I'm a nerd, I have the entire anime series "Robotech". I plan on mixing the Coke and Cuervo, parking my ass on my bed, popping Robotech (God I'm a nerd) into my PS2, and sitting around getting drunk and dipping while watching that shit all day long. Either that or I'll put on a Rambo and Die Hard marathon. With the drinking and dipping of course. I don't know what I'll do, except that from the time I wake up to the time I go to sleep I will be boozing. And just saying f**k it. And being gay (Double entendre there, you get it? Gay also means happy =P).

-Matt

good to hear it all went well but dont take to much time off the mat because you will always have the wrestler in you but that edge you need for the timing of mat speed is going to be needed. I know i tell my guys all the time " never take six years off and come back to the mats because its going to take a year to get the time back". make sure you hit up some open mats and try to do vegas and university nationals they are good ways to get back into wrestling even if you goal isnt to win ( but wrestlers are always about winning).
Hey and i told you the coach was going to not care, but remember he isnt going to say it but he will always care for the person hell if he recruited you then he wants that same kid he saw sitting on the other side of his desk back next semester and ready to tear some heads off.
Ak

True, but I'm a sloooooooow wrestler, and timing isn't as important for me, heh heh, for me its more about hip motion. I can ride legs pretty well, but I don't ride them the typical way, I guess you could say I ride them instinctively, and I lose the ability to ride like that when I take time off. Another big thing is that I lose my ability to fake someone out and get them moving where I want em, I'm usually good at getting guys to open themselves up because they think I've taken my weight off of them, but my motions are too clunky to fake someone out when I've taken time off. On my feet, I'm usually content to just control the flow of the match, because if I do that the other guy makes mistakes I can capitalize on, and that comes back easily. Timing however? Although it is important to 99% of wrestlers, for me, its all about control. Hip control, controlling my opponent's movements, of controlling the speed of the match. I lose the ability to do all these things, because I lose my ability to instinctively react to my opponent. Not because I can't time it right, but because I just forget the minute movement I should have made at that moment. (I'm basing this all off of the beginning of each season, since those are the things I have to work on at that point.)

Winning on the other hand, you're totally right about. If I didn't win, I wouldn't wrestle, its that simple. Since freshman year of high school, I've always been successful and it was that success that kept me going.

Oh, and I know he wants me back. He needs me. I can't put it any more subtly. I am too big of an asset to the team, even if just in the practice room. I knew it would go fine, but that didn't change the fact that it stressed me out of my mind.

-Matt

i tell you what you make me laugh because everything you said that didnt deal with time does! when your on top and your getting riding time you have to know where you body is and thats part of mat time, i know because i go to clinics and hear someone like kevin jackson or even lesman talk about that kind of stuff. Yea but nothing better than being on a mat and wanting to win, but i still compete on the side matter of fact i am getting back on the mat in folkstyle for the first time in six years this weekend and although i wouldlove to win my body really dosent do folkstyle ( kind of lazy on the mat). yea i would love to see how you ride legs although i am a upper weight i had the chance to learn how to ride on the smaller guys and with bigger guys i just let them up. i think all that work for one point at the end of a match is so not worth it hell i think you can get it back by just throwng the guy. See thats why i wrestle greco! throw and go! nothing more and nothing less.
I am glad your good, but most guys in D1 programs are good its the diffrence outside of the room thats going to make you an ALL-American and NCAA champion. Although i was never a wrestling All-American i know that when i was selected in football it was because of the extra work that me and my tackle did together ( big timmy is now a 4x all-american). So i want you and anyone else who reads this to keep going both on and off that mat, because you winning your confrence and earning a spot at the NCAA would be awsome becasue once your at the show you have given yourself a chance. plus there at the NCAA tournamnet its the best wrestling party in the world. No fights and if you happen to find your self in a bad situation you got 500 wrestlers in a bar ready to f**k some local guy up with yea. its the best feeling in the world. happen to me in fargo a few times and i was like wow this is awsome. wrestling is the best frat anyone could ever belong to!

only 1 point? heh heh, I don't just ride with legs. I break the other guy's back down with em and then break his will. then I get the back points or the pin.

wrestling from top is underrated, people just cut guys and wrestle on their feet in high school and never really learn how to wrestle on the mat. then they think that they can just get an easy escape from bottom because they think everyone is as shitty as them from top. that aint the case, if a guy is good on top he can score 2 points on a repeated basis without having to give up 1 point for an escape between each of his own scores. he can even score 3 back points, something you cant do on your feet. hell, even if im down 14 points, if i pin the guy, i still win.

top is all about control, not timing, time factors in on top only in the sense that you have to take your time and not rush, because then you can see or feel openings from which to score. eh, thats only me though, I'm a weird wrestler, I've never felt that timing is an issue if you are capable of instinctively knowing what to do in a situation, I'm all about scrambling, and even if a guy gets in deep on a shot on me, its still not going to be an easy takedown. obviously there is some timing involved, but I don't really feel that I lose that timing when I'm off the mat, I lose the ability to make minute adjustments with my body related to controlling the guy, because I'm forced to think about em.

a good example of that is when my leg slips out and goes across the guy's stomach. when I'm at my best, I don't need to place a hand on the mat to adjust my hips back on top of the guy, I can keep them in his armpits or grab his wrists with them and am still capable of adjusting my hips without thought. when I take time off however, in that situation I'm forced to think, so my hips slide off too far and I have to place a hand on the mat to aid me in getting back into proper position, this removes a lot of my control over the guy and gives him an opening to reverse me.

ya gotta remember that everyone has their own style, some people require split second timing because they shoot from the outside without a setup. some people require less perfect timing because their setups are so good. some people require no timing whatsoever because they force their opponent into such a f**ked up situation that he has no hope of defending whatever they do. some people don't have a powerful sprawl, so they need to do it as soon as the other guy shoots. some people have so much power behind their sprawl that even if a guy is in on their legs, they can recover, and thus don't need as good of timing. it all depends on the style. for me, i don't really require that much timing behind my moves because as long as I remain in control and in proper position, I'll either score or force a stalemate.

-Matt

Ok i think we are saying the same thing but i just call it timing. its reaction to anything on the mat and your saying it thats why i find it funny. do you guess call it funk wrestling where you are? I know in the NE region they call something like you do the Funk! if you wrestle funk then your style is based off of moves that arent the normal and basic things that most coaches show. its all about getting yourself in the right situation and making that person feel like they donthave any control. The idea of the funk wrestler is to give a false since of hope. Funk wrestlers only let you have what they want to give you. say you do a funk role while a guy has a single leg on you. the only reason you allow him to get the single is because you know that your next move will score you 2 points and he doesnt know that its coming.

a guy like me i just never felt that top was something to waste my time on since i was a power wrestler. If a guy wants to get in deep on me he is going to have to pay the price with my weight going to the back of his head. Now again its a diffrent weight class that we are in and so with the size of the wrestler changes the mentality as well. I know i hate to run adn with a bad knee its even harder these days so guess what i dont look at the 3rd period as a chnace to win the match a look at it as a chance to slow down the match and break him in his head on my feet. No shots at all! you go all upper body and when he takes a shot you smash his head one more time.

Yea, I am pretty funky. The false sense of hope part is true to a large degree, but a lot of my moves don't necessarily rely on it alone, I also tend to put my own spin on moves, and since people haven't seen them done that way before, they just don't know how to react. As far as a false sense of hope, thats my favorite thing on top though, I'll take my weight off of a guy, maybe just one side of his body so he brings his hand up, just stuff like that, let him think he can work his way back to his base, and then boom! he leaves something open and I capitalize on it.

Oh, and the timing thing. In my opinion, timing is almost totally related to offensive moves, particularly shots, and sprawling. Like when a guy gets his opponent to step, and before that foot hits the ground, he's already going in on a shot. Or after a set-up, when you know where a guy is going to be at a specific time due to the set-up, and you are able to anticipate his motion and hit a move. Or as soon as you see a guy get ready to shoot and you start your sprawl. When you have to time something perfectly and there is a singular action that occurs such as a shot or sprawl, thats my opinion of timing in a nutshell. What I'm saying about my style is making lots of little adjustments over a period of time without thinking about those adjustments. You wrestle upper body, that mostly involves a lot of little adjustments over a period of time, which is the control and mindless reaction that I'm talking about, and eventually it leads to a singular move being hit, say a headlock, which requires correct timing. As a defensive wrestler who doesn't have a very good sprawl, I end up in scrambles all the time which require me to make lots of little adjustments without thinking rather than time something perfectly. I know the two are very similar, but thats my view on this whole thing, sorry if I aint making much sense, but I'm burnt out from writing all night long and its a hard thing for me to explain anyway.

-Matt

Oh i understand what your saying and thats cool. I to am a little tired been cutting weight all night hoping to get under so on the trip i can drink something, although i know i am going to have that jack and heat on the whole way up. anyway the funk is something that i was never a big fan of since all it does is piss me off. See in greco you cant funk so its more of stadn and brawl in the middle. Looking at what your talking about i guess your more of the Asper type. He has that funk where he really does not look like he is using the legs in the right way and the next thing you know the guy has go tyou in a tilt or something. I guess thats as close as i can get it in my head so i can see it. Anyway i am goin gback on the bike here!

Good luck with that, though I must say that I rarely had to bike or anything to lose weight in all the years that I've wrestled. I'd just starve myself, heh heh. It's even easier in college than it was in high school, cause now if I get hungry I just toss a dip in and that satiates me for a while. I know some people say that they'd rather run because then they can eat, and that they can never give up food, but me, I'm one lazy motherf**ker and aint moving unless I have to. So I starve.

Oh, side story, I aint wrestling at the moment, but I went on a roughly 1500 calorie a day diet the past, say, week and a half, 10 days, something like that, and it was easy as hell. Why'd I do it though? Cause I'm slightly anorexic from all my years of having to cut 25+ pounds as a lightweight wrester 25 pounds was roughly 1/6 of my body weight when I cut from 155 to get to 130. I must say though, I've lost my belly(Not that I was fat... but I couldn't see any abdominal definition) and if I was working out my abs at the moment, definition would be visible, rather than somewhat visible as it is right now.

Anyway, all that talk about standing and brawling, it doesn't just apply to Greco, believe me, as funky as I am, I beat the shit out of opponent's heads and am pretty handy at controlling a tie up. The weird thing is that whenever I have wrestled Greco (I did make the state team and go out to Fargo. Granted, I lost 2 in a row, compared to being 1 match away from an All-American in Freestyle, where I ended in the top 15.) I always found it to be a very cerebral type of wrestling. As much as you are using your hands to beat your opponent up, the pace of the match is slow enough where you can think about what you want to do without as many consequences. I like to be able to think when I wrestle, I do it all the time on the mat, and have been successful with it.

But I f**king despise Greco Roman wrestling despite the fact that I can be slow and controlled in my movements while doing it. I use my legs in EVERYTHING that I do, and rely on reacting to an opponent's offense that is not in full control of me, this offense being a shot. In Greco, legs are a no-no and when a guy locks up a throw on you, gets a tight underhook, bearhug, front headlock, etc. he is in control of your body before he starts the move, negating my ability to defend the way I normally would. Even though I'm good at controlling a tie up, or at least being able to negate my opponent's control if he gets it on me, this is purely a way to piss the guy off and force him to take a bad shot, or expose himself so wide open that I can shoot on him. Granted, I'm pretty capable at scoring with a Russian tie, mean with a front headlock, and can hit a decent ankle pick that works against lower echelon college wrestlers, and even some moderately good ones, but I just choose to stick with what I'm good at, that being forcing a bad shot from my opponent and capitalizing on it. The only offense I have from a tie up that would be usable in Greco is a front headlock, and getting one of them is next to impossible when wrestling someone who is standing straight up because they don't need to worry about shots (Yea, I know you can high-dive, but defending one of them is a simple matter of dropping an elbow.). I don't mention the Russian tie here since almost everything I hit off of it involves the legs, and those things that don't involve the legs I'm not too slick with. Although... I swear I was *theres a centimeter of space between my fingers* this close to getting 5 points with a keylock throw one time.

Oh, and don't get me started on the clinch. I'm awful at it. Everything that I would do in scholastic from that position involves breaking my grip and creating separation, since I'm a cautious wrestler and avoid situations where big moves are possible. Hell, I love freestyle, but the one thing I hate about it is the clinch.

So I guess as much as you hate the funk, I hate Greco Roman to an equal degree, heh heh. My hatred also stems from wrestling a kid at practice for Fargo, where this kid would eventually be an All American. Well, he decided to try to launch me belly to belly. I felt it coming, so I sunk my hips and created a leeeeeetle bit of space as he picked me up. The bit of space caused him to not be able to twist me to the side, and I supermanned my arms out. The next thing I remember is waking up in the training room with a migraine, since apparently my face was the first thing to hit the mat, giving me a concussion. The kid did say though that I would have won the match by touch-fall if we were wrestling to cheer me up. But life aint cheery when the light that penetrates your eyelids seems so bright that it makes your head feel like thousands of little daggers are stabbing it at the same time. And your head feels as sensitive as your balls. So it felt like thousands of little daggers were stabbing my balls which had somehow magically taken the place of my head. Thats another reason I hate Greco, heh heh.

It is funny how our two styles are the exact opposites of one another. Anyway, I got more stories I could regale you with, but I gotta go and meet with a professor.

-Matt

Oh, I'm trying out a signature that has a picture in it. I don't know whats gonna happen. If its annoying, I'll remove it.

well my freind i find it funny that you hate greco seeing it is what started wrestling in the first place at the first olympics. but hey the clinch in both styles suck and i am not a big fan i would wrather just wrestle on my feet and make the guy take me down but oh well FILA does what ever FILA wants so who cares! I know i am lazy to thas why i do get on the bike and dont run plus i like to be under so i can get a good meal in my belly! the day of the comp. i ate way to much last night and ended up weighing in a little heavy, dosent look good when the coach cant make weight so we are just going to have to work harder! I love this sport top much to not make weight its a disgrace if i cant make weight but i am only 1.5 over and thats just a matter of taking a good shit in a few hours!
Ak!

"The Gods help them that help themselves."
- Aesop

I've decided that I have a bit of a problem at the moment. I've been sick as hell since I got back to school after Thanksgiving break, yet I have a lot of important work due. Therefore, in an attempt to get my work done, I've been taking a bit too much of my Ritalin (Not enough where I'm hyped up like a crackhead, but as soon as one pill wears off I'll pop another one... basically double what I should take in a day) and was literally on the verge of snorting a few lines to feel conscious again so I can do that damn work. Hell, I even crushed a pill up and rolled a dollar bill up and put it in my nose. Thank the Gods (Figure I'll go along with the polytheistic nature of the quote) that I put that shit down and didn't do it.

Well, anyway, after I showed some self control, this quote popped into my head and I got thinking. I've been helping myself this year, and things have been going better, but it is so damn easy to fall back into using substances as a crutch, though they will inevitably lead to my downfall. Though I've been taking more Ritalin than I should and I've been going through a LOT more tobacco than usual, I've finally broken myself free of the desire to drink alone. Drinking socially is fine, but the key word there is 'socially', not drinking with other people with the main intent being to get f**ked up. I also have no desire to smoke weed anymore (Well, I dooooo, but I won't smoke it even if it is offered to me, and that is based on a personal desire to remain sober rather than a fear of piss-testing). So anyway, thats 2 things down, that I really think I have finally conquered. Now I just need to condition myself off of the tobacco, caffeine and Ritalin. Once that is done, I think next semester is going to be a bright one. Hell, I was getting my shit back together before break and I actually beat the motherf**king class average on a test I took. That is some craaaaaaazy shit that almost never happens.

I know, I know, I talk about substances all the time and my opinion of them is ever changing, but I really do think that I can keep myself from getting f**ked up in general, and especially alone. My head has cleared up a bit, so I think I can finish the work I have due tomorrow(Well... today actually) and possibly do it semi-decently.

Ok Gods, I guess I'll go with the Roman ones cause I've been playing Rome: Total War lately and every time I start playing it, I turn into a huge mythology geek, it's time for you to help me the f**k out. Minerva, give me the wisdom to write well. Saturn, give me more time to complete this stuff! If you two don't help me, and I end up failing out of school... Mars, grant me the power to knock a motherf**ker out in a single punch so I can become a UFC champion and not have to worry about all this schoolwork bullshit that causes me so much stress. Oh, and when I either gradumacate from school or rise through the ranks in the UFC, I will need your help Bacchus, because I will be craving a glass of some vino and I'll need the good stuff to celebrate!

God damn... I am a freaking nerd... but theres one more God I gotta mention. Pluto, if all else fails, kill me now. And when I die, make my spirit appear in the paradise mentioned in the Quran! That means that I will have "companions pure, most beautiful of eye" and will be surrounded by "rivers of wine" and "rivers of honey pure and clear". You know what that means? Then I could lounge around with my beautiful companions (Note the plural, it isn't companion, it is companionS! ) and take a swim in the river of wine and get all tipsy, then roll around in the river of honey! Ah, if only. I know, I'm mixing religions now, but still, I'd let myself get wiped off the face of the Earth if I could spend the rest of eternity like that. So anyway, whatever Supreme Being(s) is(are) out there, lend a brother some help! Ability to get good grades, ability to fight, or immediate entrance into honey-sex filled afterlife, all are acceptable ways to help. I don't wanna try to help myself anymore... i want the easy way out, and I know you can help me, so whaddaya say?

-Matt

My cough isn't letting me sleep well, I'm sick, and I'm stressed. Please forgive my delusional ramblings. I know, I'm sick, with that whole sex in honey part, but you gotta admit, that would be sweet (In more ways than one! I made a pun!).

I just started doing BJJ and I also have lifted (powerlifting) with a group of str8 guys,
I really like the straight environment and do the same thing you do, go out of my way
not to look, or shower with people, etc. I'm just there to lift. I can separate out that
from my sexuality. anyway, I started the BJJ for fun, and its pretty challenging, i'm
strong from lifting weights (stocky guy here) BUT i'm noticing when i have my legs
around the other guys waist i don't have the -- groin strength???? i mean in lifting you
never do this type of wrapping your legs around something and squeezing so there's
no analogy... also i rolled with the other guy doing our moves where he puts his
leg under mine and flips me to the side, twice my groin is sore, but it goes away after
a day.... anyway i'm just suprised from someone who lifts, my groin strength is not
there LOL.... is there any type of stretching i have great hip flexbility.

any other guys doing bjj out there? or similar. any tips....

By legs around the waist, do you mean guard position? When I started BJJ, I noticed that I also seemed to lack a bit of what could be considered groin strength in guard, but I figured out the problem real quickly. It was that I was constantly squeezing! Theres really no need for constant pressure as long as you are in a good or merely defensible position. Just wait until you feel him move and then adjust and apply pressure when necessary. This conserves your energy, obviously, and it makes you get less tired. Sounds simple though, right? It aint, it took me years to learn how to remain loose while wrestling, but eventually I got to the point where I could feel the slightest movement and know how the guy was gonna move, and then I would react and use strength accordingly. Again though, it took me years to get to that point, but once I got there, I would still be fresh in the third period, cause I was only applying strength when necessary, rather than constantly trying to force a guy where I wanted him. So... learning when to relax and not apply strength is a must.

Oh, and try this to build up some strength in your groin, I have the kids I coach in wrestling do it and it works wonders for both strength and muscle memory. Have your partner get down on all fours, then throw a hook (a leg in wrestling) in. Now, maintain PERFECT position while your partner rolls around. Start off with him helping you move, and once you get the hang of it, let him try to buck you off. But all you do is try to keep the hook in, you can't attempt any moves. By maintaining PERFECT position, which involves applying pressure every time he rolls or moves, you'll be exerting a lot of energy, and since you can't do anything to stop him, you are forced to learn the correct times to apply pressure with your legs and when to take a rest. Plus, where the hips move, the body follows, so they are quite possibly the most important muscle in wrestling (BJJ is also grappling, so when I say wrestling, it still applies, especially because I'm talking about mat wrestling which is good for learning how to control someone in BJJ)

I know I'm repeating the same shit over and over, but grappling is weird and its difficult to explain how to do things and why to do them. Hopefully this helps, if not, just hit up the adductor (I think) machine in the gym. Thats the one where you spread your legs out as far as possible and then squeeze inwards. Then do the opposite one (I think its the abductor, but I aint sure) where you have to work to spread your legs outwards. Those things are mean, you'll be feeling em for a few days, but they produce some nasty results.

Oh, and as far as flexibility goes, it aint the most important thing in the world. I used to be able to do a split, but now I think I have calcium deposits on my hips (and shoulders too =P) and the bones creak when they reach a certain point. Lets just say my hips aint too flexible anymore. The only problem I've found due to that is when I do triangle chokes, cause I have difficulty raising my hips up his back in preparation for one.

Anyway, back to schoolwork, I hope I've been at least somewhat enlightening, but I do tend to ramble so you may have picked up nothing. If you didn't get anything I said, it basically means I'm a sick, sleep deprived jackass, and it aint your fault, lol.

-Matt

thanks for the info.... yeah I was told not to exert all your strength,
being a newbie I didn't know... and then i was told relax and use force
when necessary which is exactly your advice....

i will try the hip machine, since i can track my progress better with
a machine (going up in lbs) than a drill, but the drill is probably better ;-)
for real world.

not ever using machines i forgot about that one... (its the one chicks are
always doing in hte gym)...

im glad i got a cup, instructor didn't say anything but a few guys in the
class mentioned it.

i bought some basic bjj dvd's, but not from the gracies, a guy from the
uk....rick young... so i can watch and reinforce things... its hard when the instructor
shows us, i'm watching and following, then when i get in that position
i go blank, thats why i got the dvds...

If you're having trouble with moves the instructor shows you, try to see if you can get another guy to stay with you after the session is over and just work on it. You don't even need to do it hard if you're tired, just go slow and get the motion down pat. Oh, and if you learn a bunch of moves in one session, don't try to remember them all. Pick out one or two that are your favorites and focus on them. A big problem of mine when I started wrestling was trying to learn every move out there, but when I started focusing on a few moves it got much easier to be proficient with them. In BJJ (Well... at an MMA school on grappling days, not true BJJ) too, I'd learn a bunch of moves and try to remember them all, but it was pointless, since I'd forget all the little important things by the next session (You know, I knew the basic points of a move, but by little things I mean the tricks that let you actually hit it when going live, since thats what actually matters). So I said f**k it with keylocks, kimoras and leg-locks, and focused on arm bars, triangles and side chokes, since the way I move due to my wrestling style allows me to be in position to hit those moves a lot easier, and I got to the point where wrestling would let me hold someone in place and control them while I set up one of those moves.

Oh, and with the DVDs, you gotta go to the school on your own time and try those moves out if you wanna ever be able to use them. You could work on them after practice too, like I was saying before, but you aint gonna really get anything by just reading up on the subject. A couple guys I've met over the years thought that they could hit a move immediately after reading about it a few times, but that just aint the case, you gotta take the time to practice em (and I don't just mean a couple of minutes, hell, when I'm wrestling and it's during the season, we drill moves for at least 45 minutes every single goddamn day, since thats the only way you'll ever get any good at em. There are so many little things that you need to do to be good at any sort of grappling, when I was coaching this summer, I wrote a list of the things that you should do when riding legs, and by the time I got to the third page of a MSWord document, single spaces, I said f**k this and narrowed down what I would teach to 10 main things. It's crazy how involved a single move can be, when you take set-ups, breaking past an opponent's defense, how to be faster, how to do it harder, and everything else.).

I know, I'm probably sounding pretty preachy, but in my experience, at least in wrestling, the only kids who were good (besides those naturally talented athletes who are amazing within a year of starting the sport) were the ones who busted their asses by devoting a lot of time in the off-season and the summer... and giving it their all during those times. Of course, what I'm saying doesn't really pertain if you are only casually doing the sport for fun, not attempting to become the best you can be at it. Because if that's the case, my advice would just be to have fun while you do it, that way you don't start loathing the sport like so many wrestlers I know do (Me included! Though winning sure kicks ass and makes it worth it.)

And I know, I'm referring to wrestling a lot, and you're doing BJJ, but the two sports are literally the same exact thing - grappling - with different sets of rules. Hell, like I may have stated in another post, literally the day I learned a triangle choke, I was able to hit it on a kid within 30 seconds of a live go. Granted, it was ugly as hell, but I was able to control him well enough with wrestling that it was almost like I was practicing hitting the move when I did it (I know... I said just before that to be good at a move, you need to drill it millions of times... but the general ability to hit any move comes to you after you've been grappling long enough).

I'm rambling. I just noticed it. I'll stop writing. But I'll just sum up what I was saying, if you do want to get good at the sport, devote extra time to it, don't make practice sessions the be-all and end-all of BJJ. Focus on a few moves, not everything you learn... I can't stress that enough. Use the DVD's to get an idea of stuff, but then practice what you learned in them! Oh, and since you just started, don't get frustrated when someone beats you, get motivated to get better so you can kick their ass. Too many people get frustrated when they don't see immediate drastic improvement, it takes time.

-Matt

I have some bad news for y'all. It looks like - barring a miracle of a divine (Or Satanic... I'll accept anything here folks) nature - I won't be wrestling this year. I just f**ked up too bad earlier this year... I know my posts don't reflect it very accurately, since I did go back and edit a lot of shit out that I felt would give away who I am, and a lot of that involved the ways I was f**king up (Yes. I have edited a lot of shit I've written. The heart of my stories are all true, but names, numbers of people, specific events, etc. may be changed, though I do not embellish or go out of my way to make myself sound better than I am. In fact, I have a self-deprecating personality and make fun of myself way more than I should, especially when I edit shit so I don't give away personal info. If you're wondering why there may be some inconsistencies in shit I've written, that's the reason.). Oh, and by f**king up, I mean I will be failing a class and will become academically ineligible. The teacher tried to help me out over the course of the year... a LOT... giving me extensions, exceptions, and basically treating me differently than the other kids in the class, but in the end, it was the one course I actually felt somewhat paranoid about going to, like I did last year. I had too many absences, fell too far behind, and then she gave me another extension on some work recently, but I got sick and was unable to do it. At this point, it isn't fair to the rest of the class if I get special treatment, despite the fact that life isn't fair, and it isn't fair that I've had to go through so much shit because of the sport I love (Or hate if I'm cutting weight ). Like I said, life isn't fair, someone brought that up to me yesterday when I was telling them this, and used it as a way to say that I should go back to the teacher and ask her for MORE help, but I disagree. I feel that since I am able to do work again, despite being sick, I shouldn't receive any more extensions (I mean, f**k! I got an 86 on my last Biology test, BEATING the class average. That shows I'm capable of at least studying, and if I can study, I can research a paper/project, and if I can do research, I can write said paper/project, and if I can write, I can finish my motherf**king work.). Oh, and the fact is that I don't want to get used to being offered extensions for every piece of academic work I have, since that leads to me developing the bad habit of thinking of due dates as 'relative' due dates that aren't exactly rigid... leading to me saying "f**k it" and developing an apathetic personality concerning schoolwork.

I shouldn't pass the course, this time, I f**ked up on my own terms (Well, you can say that feeling sick isn't my fault... but... did I have to get drunk and jump on a trampoline while at home in 30 degree weather? No. But I did and woke up with a hacking cough the next day. Did I have to eat three plates of sushi at a Chinese buffet? No. But I did, and 12 hours later, I was like "Old Faithful", that geyser in Yellowstone, I could be relied upon to spew something out of my body on a consistent basis.). Besides, having so many extensions, and wondering if the next one will be granted causes me so much stress that it isn't worth it because it affects my other classes.

My other classes are good though, and I might even be able to get a B in one of them (I've never broken a 3.00 GPA here, so B's are kinda like A's to me... I've only gotten one A, well, A-, here before, so don't knock me when I say that I'm aiming for a B!) so all is not lost. Next year, I could drag my grades up and get back on the team, and I'm hoping that this year, even if I can't wrestle that I can at least get in the practice room with the team and roll around, since I need to start to get back in shape, want to get back on the mat, and my team lacks many guys around my weight, so I would be helpful during live wrestling during practices, so people wouldn't have to wrestle the same partner each time.

So, anyway, f**k it, I aint gonna pass a course, I aint wrestling next semester, but I made enough progress during my life during this semester that it was worth it, and I feel that passing my other courses is an accomplishment. Besides, there's always next year and now I have wrestling as a bargaining chip to get into a grad school!

-Matt

Besides, not wrestling means I can spend my time feeling for guys, and, uh, making to them, instead of feeling for them and making pretzels out of them!

Again, I will say that I am royally f**ked up in the head. I think this last little sentence shows it well.

Matt, I am sorry to hear that you are not going to be able to wrestle this season! Please do yourself a HUGE favor and start devoting more time to your studies. You are very young with a whole life in front of you. It will be a lot easier life for you if you can get your degree and a nice paying job with benefits. I am not saying that you should not date or have fun, but now since you have your answer about wrestling, maybe you can clear that out of your mind and get back to being serious about school! Any how, do not want this to sound preachy or anything, so I wish you the best of luck!

Good advice rick62.

A little theory about the three stages of life for gay men:

Stage 1 is wanting to "make pretzels" out of someone or something.

Stage 2 is wanting to make love.

Stage 3 is making that spiritual connection.

There's a thin line between love and hate, aggression and affection. Balancing on that line is a key to peace.

OOOOOHHHHHH! I JUST DID SOME MATH! CHECK IT OUT!

2.286 X 4 = 9.144
(0 + 1.3 + 1.3)/3 = .866
9.144 + .866 = 10.000
10.000 / 5 = 2.000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thats what my cumulative GPA will be this semester if I get a D in both of the classes I'm still completing! A 2.000 is all that is necessary for me to be academically eligible to wrestle!

Here's how the math works:

2.286 = Current GPA
1.3 = GPA for a D
0 = GPA for a fail
I left out the class I'm taking pass-fail option since it doesn't factor into my GPA

2.286 X 4 = 9.144 <---- I multiply my cumulative GPA by 4, since I've completed 4 semesters here.
(0 + 1.3 + 1.3)/3 = .866 <---- The worst possible grades I can receive this semester, divided by three to . . figure out my worst possible GPA this semester.
9.144 + .866 = 10.000 <---- The total of my GPA's of all 5 semesters
10.000 / 5 = 2.000 <---- The total of my GPA's divided by 5 to figure out my new cumulative GPA
2.000 = ACADEMIC ELIGIBILITY MOTHER f**kER!!!!!!

Oh, and it's likely I will get at least a C in both classes, so I won't have exactly a 2.000. It's even possible for me to get an A- in one and a B in the other, so I think I AM wrestling next semester now!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for the kind responses about me not wrestling though... I guess I was a little premature in my verdict. I'm off to do work now to make sure that I do pass those f**king classes.


Actually... as per the norm, one last thing. It looks like praying to all those Gods in my other post may have worked out after all! It was probably Minerva who helped me gain this insight, since she's the goddess of wisdom, but hey, maybe Mars wants me to crack some skulls in wrestling and maybe Bacchus thinks I've had enough of his wine and should stop drinking, while Saturn decided that the time was ripe for and end to my banishment from wrestling, and Pluto, as the giver of gold (Look it up on wikipedia! He aint just associated with death!) decided that by wrestling, I can accrue gold medals, so I shouldn't die! Man... I'm f**ked up.

-Matt

Wow I guessed i missed alot since i have been wrapped up on the mats myself with the college season. Well its good to hear your going to get back on the mats although i want you to be aware of the double headed dragon that is the NCAA! See the NCAA will allow you to be able to wrestle your first 2 years with little to no problems, but make sure your making that progress to being 65% to graduation by your junior year and 75% by the start of your senior year. Also if you plan on going to grad school and still wrestling remember the NCAA D1 says that you only have 5 years to compete in 4 while active in school. that means while your in college you have 4 years of varsity and one redshirt for wrestling ( unless your in the IVY or a service academy) or if you want to take a year off then you are then allwoed 6 years to compete in 4 years. I just had this conversation with a parent and the rest of the coachign staff about one of our transfers who is killing me! [u]
Anyway i hope all is going to go well for you and you make the NCAA tournament this year. That would be something to be proud of i know i think our team will have 5 make it to the NCAA's this year hope to see ya there!

Yea, this year I may end up just going to practice and getting back in the swing of things, so I'd be allowed 6 years to complete 4 years. The way I see it is that while I can beat the guys around my weight (I watched them wrestle recently and wasn't too impressed, so I still should be able to win), I'm out of shape, I haven't practiced regularly in almost 2 years, and I didn't go through the pre-season bullshit. In a way, it wouldn't be fair to the guys who are starting right now if I just joined and took their spot. Also, I'd like to just say f**k it with the weight issues, f**k it with the mental aspect of getting ready for matches, and f**k it concerning anything that doesn't involve me honing my skills and getting back to where I was before this shit happened. So, right now, in all likelihood, I'll just be in the practice room helping the guys on the team out and improving myself. And since I missed the pre-season tournaments, it won't be a red-shirt year, since I won't have wrestled in any competition. I'll have to speak with my coach concerning the specifics of the NCAA bullshit though, cause if this year will count towards my eligibility, f**k fairness towards my teammates, I'm gonna take one of their spots and kick some ass.

-Matt

[And since I missed the pre-season tournaments, it won't be a red-shirt year, since I won't have wrestled in any competition. I'll have to speak with my coach concerning the specifics of the NCAA bullshit though, cause if this year will count towards my eligibility, f**k fairness towards my teammates, I'm gonna take one of their spots and kick some ass.

-Matt
[/quote]


Matt well i will say getting back in the room is a good idea, but i am not sure how big of a program you have but the rule is only 36 active students on the university campus can be in the wrestling room. Its the rule i dont know why but it is! so your coach will tell you all about that and i dont think not wrestling in preseason counts for or aginst you. Hell if you really wanted to you could apply for an olympic red-shirt year and get a form from usa wrestling that then allows you to work out any where in the country without penalty. its pretty cool not to long ago we had a NCAA champion and 2 olympic team members contact me about coming into our room and getting after it. well best of luck hope to hear about it.
Also good luck with finals i know its that time of the year

Yea... I bet some people have been wondering about me praying to Roman gods on a message board... Well, the fact is that I am certifiably insane at the moment, and have been for the past few weeks. There was some shit with Spanish, so I'm going to fail that. That made me think I wouldn't be academically eligible for wrestling. Then I did the math and I can be eligible if I pass my other 2 courses with a D in each. This all took a while to set in/figure out, so it was a motherf**king rollercoaster ride for me before finals even started.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that I am royally f**ked up in the head, and with finals coming up, I just may snap and end up running around campus naked. If that happens... I'll likely get tackled by campus security, shout "Don't taze me bro!" and up the ante from that one jackass's video, cuz I'll be naked, shriveled (It's cold out now!) and certifiably insane.

Either that or I'll just buy some weed, smoke myself into oblivion, wake up, be surrounded by books, and realize that when I got high I got all my studying done so I could then go out and get drunk! But damn... I think I mentioned it on here a little bit back... I aint gonna smoke no more... so that plan's ruined.

f**k it, I could think up a million more f**king ridiculous scenarios that would make me appear as f**ked up as I likely do now. I'm going off to bed. Oh, but I'll need that luck for my finals, cuz I am a royal f**kup anymore when it comes to studying and doing work.

-Matt