(1) I used to be a public speaker, trainer, and board member of this organization. It was a substantive way to effectuate social change. Also, I have been skateboarding for close to 20-years, used to be a sponsored amature, and competed at that level.

(2) I checked out a new skatepark today. Mostly high school kids were there. Several skaters, and a few BMX’ers. I hadn’t seen any of them around the city before. A few of them were decent skaters, but most were on the novice-end of things. There were some moveable ramps and the such. Before any of the other kids moved something, they asked me if it was OK to move it. Clearly, they were giving me good deal of deference. In the skate world, it is normally custom to ask the “better” skaters if it is OK to change a course set up before doing so. There is also a weird pecking order when it comes in-liners (bottom of the barrel) and BMX’ers but I won’t get into that in much detail here. Suffice to say, the BMXers were acting as if they were higher up on the pecking order than most of the other skaters, but they were giving me (and one other college-aged kid) all the space we wanted.

(3) A few of the younger skater kids started asking me questions. How do you do trick X? How long have you been skating? Are you sponsored? Etc. When the BMX kids saw this going on, a few came over and joined in. I had ridden my motorcycle to the skatepark, and the BMX kids seemed most interested in the motorcycle.

(4) About 20 min later, one of the BMX kids started calling this other BMX kid a faggot. This went on for some time. Then I did something I’ve never done at a skatepark before. I went up the BMX the kid, and the following conversation took place.

Me: Hey man, what’s your name?
Him: Jason*
Me: Hey Jason, I’m Chris. Check this out, I want to show you something. (I take out my wallet and flip to the pictures). That is me and my boyfriend (I show him a picture). Hence, it’s kind of not cool with me every time you call that other kid a faggot. Can you please not do it?”
Him: Oh sure man, I’m sorry. I didn’t know.
Me: No problem. And nice no-handers over the spine [ramp].
Him: Thanks.

(5) With that, I went back to skating. I was waiting for some kind of backlash. I didn’t happen. I left like an hour later. I’m not sure WHY I did it. Maybe it was because it was clear I was on the top of the pecking order for that session at the park. I don’t know. I don’t think it really matters.

(6) On the way home I got to thinking about my work with SpeakOut (see (1) above). Essentially, what I had just done at the park was a mini version of what I did with SpeakOut. Only, instead of speaking to a crowd of 500 people, I was talking to some one-on-one in a much more personal way. However, it was also very, very different (see below).

(7) So my question to ya’ll…SHOULD I do this more often with skaters, bikers, etc? I have tattoos. I ride a motorcycle. I am decent skateboarder. Weather I like it or not, all of this has the effect of getting (some) people to give me a certain amount of respect when I go skating. Should I exploit that, and be more “out there?” Based on my work with SpeakOut, I know that such acts can really change people’s minds. Here, however, my hesitation is proselytizing people. I don’t want to come across as imposing on people. The same conversation could have taken place if I was hardcore Christian than the BMX kid was swearing a lot, and I asked him not to do it. To me, such a request would seem beyond unreasonable. Thus, what makes mine any different?

Comments and feedback much appreciated.

If you have the opportunity to get across a positive message due to your skill and so forth, I think you totally should do it! You don't have to be a prick about it either... the way you handled it was awesome... you got the point across, complimented the dude on his skills, and he obviously knows you can get the job done too.

Just one more way to shatter the stereotype that gays are like prissy boys that don't know anything about sports.

So great job dude!

Wow!! Well Done~!!!

That was very articulate, calm, and direct.

I will try and do the same technique if I am ever in a situation like that.

Again, great job!

I think your story is great but I have one question... You ask a stranger to stop using the word faggot but you label yourself as a "Skatefag" in your blog. Do you think that sends mixed signals?

I think what you did wass absolutely great. Very well handled.

I agree with Maddog though; and have one more query:

Not just simple swearing, but if a BMX kid was using any religious epithet in a biggoted way - be it Christian, Muslim, Buddist, Hindu, etc; would you think it 'beyond unreasonable' for a person of that religion to request that the kid not repeat his comments and continue to dis respect them? Just something to think about why you might feel that way.

I don't think yours is "any different " from my cited example, but I think it is still appropriate to call people on their biggoted behavior. You handled your situation quietly and with dignity, you didn't try to proselytise or convert the kid, you just asked him to stop being publicly disrespectful.

I think you have every right to do what you did; the best advertisement you can do is exactly what you did do, be publicly out, quietly firm about your beliefs while demanding respect, and treat others with dignity that they deserve.

I have found that frequently when things are handled quietly and tactfully like that they can have a lasting impression. If you are louder, more vocal and confrontational, sometimes people can become defensive, even if they don't actually believe what they end up trying to defend.

Well, there is a substantive difference between someone, who is not part of a given minority, using a term to insult someone else, and someone who *is* part of that minority using the word in a totally different context.



Ok, yeah, I agree on both points. However, with the latter, you often NEED those people to get "shit started" and then have the less in-your-face crowd to mop up. Nat Turner needed to preceede MLK, as did Stonewall need to preceede HRC.

[quote name='sedition' date='Oct 26 2007, 09:00 AM' post='342854']
Well, there is a substantive difference between someone, who is not part of a given minority, using a term to insult someone else, and someone who *is* part of that minority using the word in a totally different context.


now i thinking like that can send off alot of red flags. its like when people use the N word in a rap video and then someone else wants to use it in everyday life. See its that type of thinking that makes it not ok for people to use the words in a serious manor. i understnad playfull times with friends and what not but i would be the first to get on someone when using the word fag on me. i dont mind being called gay or queer but Fag is not used in medical terms so it shouldnt be used on me.

i think over all your heart is in the right place and you have bigger ones than me to go up to someone and jsut say what you were thinking i might try that in a no violent way maybe it will work for me.

Go for it. Changing minds is a very difficult thing sometimes but change happens incrementally: one skateboard at a time if you will. I do wonder what the kid who got called a fag feels about what you did. He may not be gay - calling other guys fag and stuff is often just that male to male stuff that men do, like athletes, etc..it may have had nothing to do with being gay but what you did was cool, in my book.

Hi! I think what you did was perfect and necessary. I am so glad you had the courage to do it. I agree with most of the other posters - the way we do it is the important part. Not whether we say anything. We must communicate with folks. If I was Christian and swearing really bothered me, I would say the same thing. I think everyone has the right to ask for respect.

And just to give you added inspiration... I work for a queer youth group in CA and I just had someone tell me about an 18 year old who has been fighting an eating disorder for the past 3 years, suffering from depression and suicidal thoughts. He's also a skater. So I told her I would look for some resources for him. He's not out. It's kids like this who need you... and other skaters to be who you are and be willing to share it somewhat publicly if you can. Isolation is the biggest factor affecting these kids. They need to know they are not alone. So thank you, and please continue!!

If you know of any other resources I could lead this kid to, I welcome your input and anyone elses!
Thank you!!!!