I think I'm good at advice but you when you have friends they come to expect certain things from you and I want to offer a new perspective. My friend started a new job and this guy he's been flirting with and raving about for a few months finally took him out for lunch on a "date". Turns out the guy is married with children but he wants to fool around with my friend, all this comes after the flirting and stuff. And the guy doesn't wear a wedding band. My friend doesn't agree with the marriage thing but is kind of caught up because he's liked this guy for a while and it was an emotional thing not sex right away. I already told him to stay away from it because he'll only get hurt in the end and the guy doesn't really appreciate him at all because he thinks my friend can't do any better than be a married guy's jump off. (Jump off = Concubine, mistress, etc.)
I feel like I've nailed it on the head, but maybe saying it a different way or having stories of other guys getting screwed might help. This situation is another reason why I feel like "Brokeback Mountain" is the most dangerous movie in America. Just kidding folks...

You also risk getting stories that tell him to go for it. "I used to see a married guy, he was sooooooo f**king hot and every time we hooked up we had the best sex ever!!!"

I think you did the right thing.

This is simply a mess waiting to happen on multiple levels.

R

How friendly are you with this friend? If he is any friend at all, tell him to RUN, RUN, RUN in the other direction. Did I mention that he should RUN, RUN, RUN in the other direction? Danger, danger, danger Will Robinson!

Thanks for the input. I'm not trying to be on a high horse given that since I've had sexual interactions with men in sex spas the chances of one of them being married/having a partner over the years is a definite possibility. I just think when you have the information you have to make an informed choice, in particular when it's on the job and my friend knows what he's getting into. And honestly, to quote Average White Band, I don't want to be the one to "pick up the pieces" again.

I think you gave good advice, since your friend's interests were focused on an emotional/dating connection rather than casual sex. He would for sure end up hurt pursuing this guy, and there would be a good chance he'd find himself embroiled in the other guy's domestic drama.

Just the other day, I listened to my Nina Simone double CD, "The Other Woman":

The other woman finds time to manicure her nails
The other woman is perfect where her rival fails
And shes never seen with pin curls in her hair

The other woman enchantes her clothes with french perfume
The other woman keeps fresh cut flowers in each room
There are never toys thats scattered everywhere

And when her baby comes to call
Hell find her waiting like a lonesome queen
Cos when shes by his side
Its such a change from old routine

But the other woman will always cry herself to sleep
The other woman will never have his love to keep
And as the years go by the other woman
Will spend her life alone

TRL

Yep- unless your friend just wanted some hot times- but then when the marriage breaks up, he may be caught in the middle. Plus he is only getting crumbs in my opinion. Why not get the whole loaf ?

Love that song! Although in my current circumstances I'm more like her song "I want a little sugar in my bowl..."

Although I never had an extra marital affair while I was married (to a woman), I know plenty of guys who have and not one of them ended up being with the guy they messed around with while married. Straight married men almost never leave their wives for their mistresses. Add the burden of coming out to one's spouse to that equation and it seems pretty far fetched to think that your friend and this guy have any kidn of solid future.

If it was my friend, I would probably caution him to stay away or to get out and find someone who has the same qualities he likes in the other guy but who is emotionally available and out of the closet.

Great advice Aqua. I have a friend who is really into married guys. Guess what? The guys he 'dates' either go back with their wives or they move onto another guy when they leave their wives.