I'm sure many of you visit other discussion boards.

I bet I'm not the only one who encounters homophobic jerks on other boards.

How do you deal w/ the jerks? Ignore them? Confront them? Report them to the board moderators? What if the moderators do nothing about it? Just leave?

It's frustrating when you go looking for camaraderie in a subject of shared interest, but encounter several jerks. It's even more frustrating when no one seems to care.

Your thoughts or advice?

Funny you bring this up. This is an issue that I've dealing w/ since last night w/ another non glbt message board. Frankly, I'd like to hear others opinions too! I was livid last night, to say the least!

rip them a new one...or ignore the scum

have you considered the option of simply ignoring the comment and posting pictures of guys kissing in the topic where they are being jerks?

It sorta depends on the moderation of the other forum though.

Yeah, I have. I think that would be childish. I know I can also write to the main moderator. I did respond briefly, but w/ my usual sarcastic wit. I REALLY had to bite my tongue for fear of being banned. I haven't decided what to do yet.

I guess it depends on the motivation for the harassment. If it's religious I don't bother discussing it on any intellectual level. There is not point, because you are not going to change people's minds. I simply post the the kiss pictures. Childish? Possibly, but if someone actively looks for ways to bother me, I am going to respond in kind.

If it's a kid or someone whose abrasiveness comes out of ignorance, you might try posting something like this...

http://positiveliberty.com/2005/07/how-not...-me-ex-gay.html

-edit- although depending on the situation it might make things worse -/edit-

Otherwise try to make them look stupid, or just don't respond.

Also, we are all entitled to be childish from time to time, especially on something as inconsequential as an internet forum.

I have the same apprehensiveness of being banned, SCT.

There's really a double standard. They can use terms like "fag," "faggot," etc., but if you respond in kind, you're made out to be the bad guy. What's worse is if other posters pile on & you alone are defending the community.

It really depends on the rules of the board. You need to check with the moderators on what's acceptable if you really feel the need to respond. If it's unmoderated or they aren't very strict, then it's up to you and how you feel about other people on the board.

If the moderators let others get away with things but not you, it's a site not worth visiting.

Yeah, that's a problem I've experienced too (why do you have to get so offended, he wasn't trying to insult gay people, he just thinks JJ Redick is a fag ). My usual response is to make some sarcastic response about "I'm gay, I know gay, that's not gay" or something to that effect.

The funniest part for me really is that the message board I'm on has a star rating system for each post (1-5) and every one of my posts that in any way reprimand someone for being homophobic end up with under 2 stars. Passive-aggressiveness for the win.

Good question.

I run across it a lot on other boards. How I respond to it really depends on the context in which the anti-gay comment is made. If it is a passing "oh, that's so gay." I usually just ignore it. However, if is a commet that is much more nefarious in nature, I will usually respond in some manner. Humor, I find seems to work the best. I usually try to make a responding post that serves a few functions. First, it is should be short, direct, and to the point. A long rambling diatribe is going to turn everyone off, and your audience is much more than just the person who posted the comment. Second, I always try to draw a clear comparison to other civil rights movements. Last, it should make other people smile / laugh / be amused / etc. More is won with honey than vinager(sp?). Posting a gay-kiss picture, I think, is counter productive. Doing so can alienate many people. Sure, it is not out job to make sure hetero's are comfortbale all the time, but you need to deal with people with where they are at, not where we want them to be. For many people it is much easier for them to talk about homosexuality than it is for them to SEE it.

More later...I gotta get to class.

Yeah, most of the jerks were the Christofascist types. Although there were a few of the "I don't want my tax dollars going to glbt studies @ universities" types...You're right about the religious fanatic, I'm not gonna change their minds. I guess in retrospect, nobody really used derogatory labels other than sin/sinners, of course. Some of neanderthalic (is that a word?) opinions just got my blood boiling...I do have to say that the thread had something like 10+ pages, some giving amazing support for our community & the buffoons who had no sense of culture, intellect, style, or beauty. ...No seriously, after I posted my two-line commentary, the thread just stopped completely. I guess I shut them up quickly. ...Ok, if you know me & my tongue & cheek humor, this is when you humor me.

Sadly, that is the conclusion I've come to.

In the particular thread I had a problem with, I addressed the moderator by name & called his attention to the problem.

No response.

I sent him a personal message with the same concern.

Again, no response.

It's just frustrating when you go to a site seeking camaraderie with people with the same interests, but get slapped in the face.

I hate feeling like I'm an outsider everywhere.




1. My replies were concise.

To put the situation in context, the board deals with Texas Longhorn sports. Several posters like to use "fag," "faggot," etc. In one particular thread, they kept on refering to the Aggies of A&M as "Faggies." To top it off, the subject matter of the thread was about banning posters for uncivility, for Pete's sake!

2. One of my responses was if 1 of our rivals were called the Diggers, it wouldn't be right to use the N-word, either.

I didn't get a counterargument on that reply.

3. I tried appealing to their humanity, but I guess I was dealing w/ pond scum.

Check that, I KNOW I was dealing w/ pond scum.

TxEx - Was it HornFans that you're visiting? I've never experienced any homophobia there, although there are certain forums I stay out of (Austin 3:16 in particular, although I just noticed that it's not there anymore). Contact the moderators or reply with a snarky comment. But really determine if it's the right board for you. If you're elsewhere, I recommend HornFans. Generally, it's an enlightened group, but there is the occasional "faggie" reference to A&M. The usual response is "Associating gays with A&M is an insult to gays everywhere."

Hook Em!!

not to minimize your experiences but that's like saying if i go on aol, i might encounter racist non-black people calling me the n-word. we live in a free society and you just have to not let people get inside your head, otherwise they will be there whenever they can just because they can. fortunately, you all have the safe haven known as the outsports message board!

Hence, my comment about the buffoons who had no sense of culture, intellect, style, or beauty.

Palladio,

It was the Inside Texas board.

And the "fag," etc. comments aren't limited only to the Aggies.

My past experience w/ HornFans is if you post anything that exposes a wart against anything associated w/ UT (although I'm an alumnus, I can be objective!), it gets removed. Unless someone is advocating violence against any one person/a particular group, or something like that, I don't think such draconian censorship practices are conducive to intelligent discussion. It's as if you have to walk in lock-step in order to be accepted over there.

Hook 'em




jay,

I totally understand what you're saying.

But, to use your example, if you went to a place where some people were using the N-word, yet no one else seemed to give a damn, don't you think that someone should take a stand?

You know that more likely than not you won't change people's attitudes, but for pinciple's sake, someone needs to say that such behavior shouldn't be tolerated.

Perhaps I'm just a hopeless idealist.

The only site I've been on where I encountered outright hatred was a Bluegrass message board. I had been a member there for two years prior to my outing myself, and it was odd, because people who in the past had been very friendly, turned on me in a heartbeat.
I just left the board...

I'm out on all other boards, and never have any problems. Even on the MSU boards, I'll get people PMing me just to make sure I wasn't offended by something they may have written. Frankly, I think it's good that they stop to think about what they say...seems like I've done some good over there...

I agree with you MiamiSpartan about the MSU boards. There were some great threads on there about how being homophobic was stupid. I wish I would have archived some of them. I am really impressed with this generation of college kids!

tex,

i think that taking a stand is important. i guess it's an energy issue for me. health insurance equality for domestic partners? i'm there. hate crime and someone wants to punch a straight attacker? give me a call. anonymous idiots on the internet talking crap? not my thing. i'm just over caring what straight people think because there are always going to be people who don't like you or accept you. i have family members who still aren't comfortable with my sexuality and never will be. i have former friends who i've lost because of my sexuality. if i'm not chasing these people begging them to love me and accept me, why worry about some potential closest case on line who may just be stirring things up for kicks? i believe cyd and jim created outsports in part because they saw a need for us to have a space to talk about sports and be gay.

i think we gays should say to people what super queen diva mary j blige recently sang, "you can hate it or love it..."

since they like to make fun of gays by calling 'em fags and cocksuckers; tell 'em that you'd suck their cock in a new york minute.

Yep. I don't know of any man gay or straight who doesn't like a blow job.

How is it that sexuality is coming up in non GLBT discussion boards?

The standard "everyone we hate is a fag, don't be weak like a fag," etc.

About two years ago, I joined a martial arts discussion group called MartialTalk. I really liked the group. The only downside was that the topic of gays in the martial arts kept coming up over and over again. I seemed to be the only gay guy on the site, so I ended up spending a lot of time responding to bigoted comments.

Although the vast majority of comments were supportive of gays and lesbians, I found myself pissed off every time I logged on and more preoccupied with gay issues than the martial arts. I hate to say it, but I eventually just quit the whole thing, cause it was turning into a source of negativity... and who needs more of that?

I'm not one to run from a fight, but I think you need to pick your battles. If you're going to become a ball of anger and there's not much you can do to change the situation, it's best to just walk away and fight somewhere else.

if you all want to see some real fun go to

http://westvirginia.scout.com/

we have a Southern Baptist Republican on there who just hates gays and liberals and anyone who doesn't believe the same things he does but he loves to brag about his Jag and his extensive wine collection (Southern Baptist drinking wine?) and he's actually been give some time outs by the mods on there for his anti-gay rants

he unfortunately has brought some of little Texas buddies over and they're just as bad, if not worse, than he is

stop by and say hello

Hapki,

My experience was similar to yours, except for the part about seeing supportive comments of gay people. Like you, the message board brought grief instead of joy, so I quit visiting the damn site altogether, although it provides a lot of interesting info - the inaction by the moderators really soured me.





td,

Sorry about that. There are some real nice people in Texas, but we probably have some of the worst people as well.

We did give the world George W. Bush, afterall.

This should be interesting:

On Dec 28th, I'll be jumping in my SUV and driving the 4 hours north to Orlando to attend the Champs Sports Bowl game between Michigan State and Boston College. The Red Cedar Messageboard is having a tailgate that I'm going to, so this will be the first time I will actually be meeting these people face-to-face. I have actually rec'd a number of PMs from people telling me how much they're looking forward to meeting me!
I'll keep you posted...

I actually had a remarkable time at the tailgate, even tho our QB sucks and we lost to BC by three points...

Everyone came up and hugged me, took pix, and told me how happy they were that I had come to the party. They all wanted to know why my partner wasn't there, because they all wanted to meet him, too...
I was pleasantly surprised by the warm welcome by everyone....

So what you're saying is you weren't dealing with homophobic jerks...making your post off-topic.

MS,

I'm glad to hear you were warmly received.

Now if only the posters on Texas message boards were as welcoming...

Honestly this is one of the big reasons I'm not active on more college football boards. EDSBS has a pretty strict policy of no fag comments that is greatly appreciated.

It's not just limited to sports boards -- I've had lots of problems with folks on political chat boards as well. Most of the guys (and some women) who are reflexively anti-gay are just plain ignorant (confusing the issue of pedophilia, for example). I was called some fairly bad names in one thread that dealt with Larry Craig but think flipping an insult back around might only alienate someone who's on the fence about gays in the public eye. I'd rather be dignified and not take the bait and, to paraphrase John Wayne, don't let the bast*rds get me down.