Wow, I never thought that I would take the time, nor be able to muster the courage, to post anything here but here goes nothing. I do not want to use my real name so you can just call me "D" (which is my nickname)

I guess a little background is in order. I grew up in Northern Ontario in a small village with a population of maybe 1000 tops. In most parts of Canada, Hockey is very much like a religion, and I started playing almost as quickly as I learned to skate, which was around age 5 or so.

I quickly established a name for myself by the time I entered Pee Wees, and my parents spent far too much money making sure I was sent to all the best camps to hone my skills on the ice. HS was typical. I never payed a great deal of attention to academics, as my attention span is lackluster to say the least.

My first break came just after Graduation when I got picked up by a semi-pro team in Montreal. I was making peanuts for money and there was often 3-4 of us shoehorned into a 2 bedroom apt (or Hotel room if we were traveling) but I was still able to say that I made my living playing Hockey. My PT Job doing construction was just an afterthought.

2 years ago, I was fortunate enough to be selected to come to a tryout in the States for an IHL Club. I have always been very level headed for the most part, but my nerves were on edge. I spent every waking hour either in the weight room or on the ice. I play defense and am often categorized as an "enforcer"/Big hitter (people that follow hockey will know what I mean). I typically spend alot of time in the penalty box as a result for fighting, charging,etc. I still kinda carry that title, but over the last year I have been working hard on my slapper, wrister, and overall skating ability to make myself a more well rounded player.

Anyway, after a grueling week of tryouts, I got back to the locker room to find out that I indeed had a spot on the club. I was elated. Finally, I may be able to turn some heads and maybe, just maybe, get a chance to enter the NHL draft at some point. Needless to say, the NHL has not exactly been beating down my door, and I sat a majority of this season due to a bad ACL pull that I received after being cross checked hard in a game earlier in the season. I consider myself to be a very aggressive and physical defenseman and I try to make every game we play to be a declaration of war on my club by the opposing team. I am not trying to sound poetic, Canadians just take their hockey very seriously.

Now that my background on the ice is out of the way. I guess I should comment on my reason for addressing you guys. Hockey is a sport that buys and sells masculinity and adrenaline as some kind of weird currency. I never really had any sort of attraction to guys till post HS. It has always been a part of my life that I felt compelled to keep a dark secret. There has never been a Player in the National Hockey League that has "Came Out" and I wont hold my breath til that ever happens. I can not even imagine the backlash in the locker room if I were to ever admit my true feelings.

In the meantime, I have been "keeping up appearances", so to speak. I date girls and talk down on them in the locker room like the rest of the flock. Typical machoism bullshit, but it has just come to be expected of me by most that compete at the great sport of Hockey at the highest levels.

Why is it that the NHL and all professional hockey leagues are so homophobic and Alpha-Male? I am unwilling to risk the rest of my career in Hockey to "come out". What would I do with my life if I was given my outright release from the club? Go back home with my tail between my legs and be lucky to get a job working the Drive Thru window at Taco Bell in Winnipeg?

I guess you can call me a coward if you want. I certainly deserve that title. But thats almost a cop out response.

I just want to play Hockey.

Any insight is appreciated.

I recall some months ago, when once again gays in sports, and major sports was talked about and there was a poll which came out about how accepting the NHL would be towards players being out, and if memory serves me the level of acceptance those that said they supposedly wouldn't mind at all, was rather high, which kind of surprised me at the time, but someone pointed out that since a rather large majority still of players come from Canada and the European nations where homosexuality is not the big deal that it still ( sadly) seems to be here in the US, that the high level of acceptance, supposedly made sense...good luck in your journey and life situation. Anybody involved in hockey in ANY way shape or form, is allright with me! P.S. I am of the same "religion" that Canadians have towards hockey!

First, welcome to Outsports! You should find plenty of support here.

Unfortunately, many people in the sports media have vested themselves in portraying a sports world that is more homophobic than it is. You're right hockeyTom, Sports Illustrated did a survey that showed 80% of NHL players wouldn't have an issue with a gay teammate.

The results are here

What happens is, without an openly gay person in the locker room, "boys will be boys." They'll say homophobic things. Before I came out I'd hear homophobic jokes from friends and family members. But when I talk to gay athletes who have come out on their teams (in college and H.S.), they say the jokes stop or become more good-natured ribbing. So no doubt there is this air of homophobia in the locker rooms and on tems, but it is engrained in the athletes and coaches less and less.

You're in a tricky spot - and the same spot that thousands of athletes across North America find themselves in. You ask yourself, "what is to gain" and "what is at risk" by coming out. When what is to gain outweighs the risk, then you'll come out.

I don't think you're a coward. That's a pretty harsh word. I think you're afraid of the unknown. I encourage you to educate yourself on that unknown. Talk to athletes, coaches, reporters in a non-threatening way about the issue. Figure out how they'd feel about it without revealing your secret. I'd be curious to know what you find.

Thank you for the positive comments. I really appreciate your feedback. I guess my main worry is the role in which I support my club. Once again, I do play good defense, but I primarily support my club by being an "enforcer". I realize that for non-hockey pundits, this is an ambiguous term, So allow me to use Wiki to help me for clarification purposes.

ENFORCER:
"Enforcer is an unofficial role in ice hockey. The term is sometimes used synonymously with "fighter", "tough guy" or "goon".

An enforcer's job is to deter and respond to dirty or violent play by the opposition. When such play occurs, the enforcer is expected to respond aggressively, by fighting or checking the offender. Enforcers are expected to react particularly harshly to violence against star players.

At the NHL level, teams generally do not carry more than one player whose primary role is enforcer. Enforcers can play either forward or defense, although they are most frequently used as wingers on the 4th forward checking line. Prized for their aggression, size, checking ability, and fists, enforcers are typically less gifted at skill areas of the game than their teammates. Enforcers are typically among the lowest scoring players on the team and receive a smaller share of ice time.

While widespread rule changes in the NHL have limited the role, nearly every NHL club retains an individual whose primary responsibilities lie in fighting ability and outright intimidation of the opposition.

Many who seek an end of violence in the NHL, often seek to lessen this role and advocate an outright ban on fighting in the NHL. Still, purists have still refused to give this argument serious credence."

With that said, I wonder how seriously I would be taken by opposing players if I was openly gay. Also, I think part of the article is sorta inaccurate since I play a good game on D, and if not for my injury, my points would be right on pace with the rest of the defenseman on my team.

Still, old roles are hard to break, and I am certainly quick to "rough up" any opposing player who tries to pick on my wingers (and it happens constantly). Basically, I gotta be ready to drop the gloves against anybody.

Anyone else see my point here, or am I being retarded?

Welcome blue line from another big hockey fan...

As for your situation, you have to do what you need to do to make a living playing the sport you love. If it means coming out, then fine. If it doesn't, then you'll handle that situation well, also.
I'm out at work, but it's ok where I work. I don't know what I'd do if I was in put into a different situation....
Good luck and keep us posted....

And do not be to hard on yourself. As Cyd pointed out, you will know when/if the time is right. And yeah, keep us posted.

Dude you've proven that you can get the job done on the ice, both offensivly and with your fists. And you know that if someone on the opposing team dares say anything to you, you can teach them a quick lesson by a one-two punch.

Plus (hockey Tom) I am sure you are aware of the trash talk on the Ice.
Here are some of my frequently used lines:

Me: " Drop those gloves Bitch, and I will knock your f**king ass out"

Me" You play for a hockey club or a Girl Scout Troop, Bring it f**ker"

Me "Get off my Puck Bitch, or I will beat you worse than southern lynching"

Me "Do you really want your Mom in the stands watch you get your ass kicked?" (I particularly like this one, always pisses em off)

Me: "You must be an American" (No Offense to Americans, just always pisses off Canadians)

Me: "Was that a check or a kiss? If I wanted a kiss, I would have called your Mom"

I use various others, depending on my mood, to entice people to fight. Most hockey players can only take so much abuse before they will wanna throw down.

It helps out if the opposing team is on the power play ( I am on the Penalty Kill team) because frustration seems to boil over at this point.

There is always a way to entice people to fight. Luckily for me (not that I have never been knocked to the ice) its fight I normally win.

I gotta believe if the opposition knew you were gay, that would make you more effective! If some out gay guy levels a couple players, I can't imagine other guys will want the same fate. How great would that be!

What I do so much on the Ice is not my overall concern. What happens by team management and the media IS. Unlike some people with college degrees and what not, This is all I got. And in the redneck community that I play in, I would be booed off the ice or worse.

Team head office would only endure this "distraction" for so long. Sooner or later I would effect ticket sales to the point that I would become a liability instead of a help. This has nothing to do with Ice ability, other than my prior post as to making me a believable "Enforcer". I will be quick to punch a MF's lights out if the give me static on the Ice. My track record speaks for itself in that regard.

Ice time is minor in the grand scheme compared to what the media and others would do.

Not that opposing players would not ridicule me, cause I am sure they would.

I am not trying to hold up some kind of banner for professional Ice Hockey. That is not my intention. I just wanna play my sport.

Never thought about that. Maybe that would make me more feared and not get the instant "Fairy" stereotype.

1. Focus on developing your career - you don't have one yet; why worry about what hasn't yet come to be?

2. Plan for your eventual coming out - when you're established and have a bit more personal and professional security.

3. Stop worrying and get to work - Don't bring your personal conflicts to work. Pursue your career with every ounce of your being.

4. Educate yourself on everything gay outside of work. Develop personal relationships outside of work.

5. Take it one day at a time. This is just good for everything in this world of ours.

6. Stop underestimating yourself. Period.

Oh yeah, I hear you and know something about trash talk bud....I can see some of it even in my local hockey clubs message board that I frequent here....it just goes with the sport and territory I guess....it does sound like you are quite able and capable to take care of yourself though.....

From what I've encountered, sports fans want only one thing from their team... a winning season. So if the team's winning, and you're going out and doing your job... I don't see how anything would change. Fans will still go wild when you beat the crap out of someone else... but obviously, you can't come out until you're comfortable with it... I wish ya the best dude.

Until that day comes, I seek to be the most feared Defenseman in the IHL.

Cross my blue line, and you are gonna catch a beating or a ruthless check from me and my teammates.

Come near my Netminder, and you are living on borrowed time (until I find you and put you in the boards so hard you will need reconstructive surgery)

CROSS THE BLUE LINE IF U DARE!

Defense and penalty kills win hockey games. Straight up.

D...if you're the enforcer type, I think you play the one position where being out might be easiest. This might not be saying much in the homophobic sports world really. But.....

You're an enforcer, you hammer people with a hard check, and at times your fists when necessary. I'm guessing that that alone would keep people from messing with you about your sexuality, I mean it's not as if you're some finesse player who while piling up points is scared to death about going anywhere near the corners or the opposition's goaltender.(the kind of player that ignoramuses think is gay)


Sure you'd hear the trash talk on the ice(like you haven't heard sh@t before) and some crap off of it. But like Enigma says, if you can play, you'll play.

Just my thoughts....

Here's the discussion of that SI poll that Jim and hockeyTom referred to. Also, just doing a search on "hockey" in the Gays in Sports forum and on Outsports' front page will bring up a number of other related topics. You are definitely not alone...

And it definitely sounds like you're more than covering your worries about being perceived as a fairy...all that heavy artillary is quite the defense.

It's all really speculation until someone comes out and we see what happens. This is how I see it: on the one hand, if you're more of a physical player than a scorer, you may be able to handle the situation easier on the ice. But off the ice, a clueless owner/GM might say "he doesn't score enough for us to take the PR hit" thinking that fans will react negatively. On the other hand, if a Sidney Crosby-type player came out he might be the subject of even more physical attacks than he is already (of course, someone with Crosby's skills avoids a lot of hits too), but because of his offensive production a team might be more willing to support him. Also, a lot of people think that the first openly gay man in any of the 4 major sports leagues is going to have to be a superstar in order to handle everything that comes his way.

How teammates will react would also depend on what type of teammate you are. If you're well-liked by all you're likely to get more support.

You just want to play hockey...so play. Don't worry about coming out now. Come out when you're good and ready.

What a world. A guy who fears nothing in a hockey rink goes weak at the thought that people might know who he's attracted to.

My first sexual experience was with a cousin who was an "enforcer" on the basketball court. Our extended family was pretty tight and anyone who committed a remotely nasty foul on "one of the family" had him to deal with. Believe me Dennis Rodman had nothing on this guy.

He was so afraid of what he was that he stayed in the closet, got married and had three kids - and a who slew of grandkids he never got to know because he died at about 40, with swollen glands indicative of an HIV infection that neither he nor anyone else, as far as I know, has ever admitted that he probably had.

Apparently he never swore off playing on the Down-low as well as the basketball court.

Whatever your decision D, just be safe and careful off the ice.

No amount of brute force can fight AIDS.

Forming supportive friendships with guys you trust is important. This site is great but you need to have a real person to talk to as well. I hope you find that confidant - or even better those confidants - in your circle.

Whats up, D?

Sounds like you can kick some serious ass. I'm a college wrestler and its nice to hear about another gay guy who can do that. Granted, I can't use my fists too well, but I can sure choke someone out or knock em out when I take em to the ground and pummel their face in there. Anyway, reading about your situation, I had a few thoughts. First off, you aint no coward. It takes a lot of balls to even compete the way you do on the ice, as an enforcer whose job it is to kick people's asses. Calling someone who does that for a living a coward makes absolutely no sense. I mean, yes, you could say that in one area of your life you aren't the bravest person, but the way I look at it is using the extremes.

You are brave in that you go around kicking people's asses in a macho environment and have a lot to lose if you come out. You could say that in your own mind, it is just sensible risk management that keeps you from being open about your sexuality rather than cowardice. This is the opposite of an extremely effeminate gay person who is out (Sorry for using the stereotype, but in all honesty I feel it makes a good comparison). They are brave in that they are out, yet smart enough to know that they shouldn't get on the ice with someone like you, much the less fight you. This isn't cowardice either, its just their being sensible about not wanting to get knocked the f**k out! Even if you say that it isn't only extremely effeminate gay people who are out, look at all the professional athletes in major sports who have come out. There aint many and they all did it when their careers were over. Staying closeted, as long as you are able to deal with it in a healthy way, is just good sense, cause like you said, without hockey you might end up working a Taco Bell drive through.

Okay, summing up all that rambling, basically, if weighing the risks and rewards of coming out and deciding that the risks are too great makes you a coward, then you're a coward. However, that same set of logic entails that someone is a coward if they decide they wouldn't want to get in the boxing ring with Mike Tyson during his prime while he's wearing a pair of brass knuckles. What you are doing is called making an intelligent decision in my book, and intelligence is not the same thing as cowardice.

Oh yea, and one last thing. When I decide to tell my wrestling team that I'm gay, if someone has a major problem with me, I got this line ready to say:

"You wanna get your ass kicked by a faggot? Cause thats what's gonna happen if you don't shut the f**k up right now, and then I'm gonna go around campus and everyone is gonna know about it."

Substitute league for campus, and it works for you. Politically incorrect, I know, but that seems to me to be a good way of getting guys on your team to shut the f**k up and respect you if you come out, especially if they know you can kick their ass, cause in that instance you'd be conforming to the macho environment while at the same time admitting you are gay. On the other hand, if you say that to an opposing player, well, they might think that they can kick your ass because you're gay, and it could work at provoking them into a fight along with your other lines... and then you can prove them wrong and send em to the penalty box with their tail hanging between their legs, cuz they just got their ass kicked by a gay guy in front of how ever many spectators are in the building.

-Matt

Don't forget "She's a lesbian! A lesbian!" (Don't play at work.)

"F@&#in' machine took my quarter."
"Trade my right f%@$ing now!"

I love that movie.

Canada IS Hockey!

Just a vid I thought u guys may like

http://youtube.com/watch?v=P2ii5X2y0Qs

Blue Line,

With time & experience you'll learn that that type of talk will get you places when encountering intimate bedroom experiences w/ other men.

No seriously, I like what Joe in Philly said:



Always remember to be true to yourself, whether professionally or socially. That thought right now might be scary, but you'll learn that in the long run you'll be happier & more @ peace when you are just you! No bs facades, lies, sneaking around, hurting others who love you romantically, etc.

Good luck to you on this journey. Trust me, you'll look back one day & realize, "Why was I so afraid?!"

I could be wrong and I definitely do not want to call anyone a liar, but this post has some serious bullshit alarms going off for me, as someone who knows hockey pretty well. #1 "D" says that he tried out for an IHL team 2 years ago. The IHL ceased operations in 2001. Additionally, a jump from semi-pro (say the LNAH in quebec) to the AHL, which is a comparable league to the former IHL (like AAA in baseball), would be rather unusual. Generally a player would have to climb through the UHL or ECHL (A or AA respectively). #2 "D" says that he wants a chance to "enter the NHL draft at some point." North American players can only be drafted between the ages of 18 and 20. Assuming that "D" played one season of "semi-pro" and then his "IHL tryout" was 2 years ago, he is most likely over the age of 20 and will never be eligible for the draft again. Regardless of that, he would already be eligible to sign a free agent contract with an NHL team, which is what someone in his situation would be looking to be able to do, not "enter the NHL draft," which sounds closer to what an American football player would do. 3rd, there are a few statements that just don't add up. He grew up in "Northern Ontario" yet played semi-pro in Quebec. This seems very unlikely to me, given that he would then be moving a great distance to a French speaking area to make no money and be a fighter in a league where all the Frenchmen would not like him very much as an English speaker. Then he talks about returning home to work "at the Taco Bell in Winnipeg," which is in Southern Manitoba, not Northern Ontario. These sound more like things an American without a real understanding of Canada would say. Finally, there are little things like the fact that an AHL team would have "training camp" not "tryouts" and that you would have an ACL tear or strain, not a "pull". Anyway, I am not saying I am right, but this poster just doesn't come off as real to me...

Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock...as us OSers await a rebuttal from Blue Line.

BruinsFan, the IHL used to be known as the UHL until this season.

See official league site.

Ah, I see, well that clears up one thing, which I was clearly wrong on. I still have my doubts though, to which I'll add the fact that he finds it the easiest to pick a fight while on the penalty kill. This is questionable for a number of reasons. First, the team on the penalty kill certainly does not want to risk further penalties, such as an instigator penalty. Second, the team on the power play does not want to risk losing their power play with a stupid penalty. Third, the team on the power play would have it's most skilled players on the ice, who are the least likely to fight. Fourth, while killing a penalty (and really any time during play) a player is working so hard that I find it hard to believe that they have the breath to be talking trash as he describes. After a whistle perhaps, but not during play. Also, his trash talk and general discussion of hockey sound wrong to me. They don't sound like the way that someone who has played hockey since he was 5 would talk.

without giving anything away which would lead to my identity, tactics on either side of the puck are not your decision. The coaching staff makes that call. While I do admit I try to keep anything as far away from my identity as possible, I play hard nosed defense for my club. I may never be an NHL Defenseman, but I will always play defense as if I am. Call me whatevever, but I will always play hard lined defense.

say what u want I guess. You wont hurt my feelings

I did change a majority of shit to protect my identity

blame me?

However, my story is True.

Just out of curiosity, what part of Canada are you from Boston? Or wait, your an American, LOL. Big surprise there huh?


Why don't you leave the Hockey to us Canadians.

I guess I should apologize to be so ambiguous, but I wont. As I previously stated, I love my sport.

Blue Line,

The only way to clear this up is for you to join me for a Kings game in LA, have a couple of beers and comment on the ins/outs of the game in an insightful way, then afterward hook up with me. Having been blessed to have spent time with a couple of Canadian hockey players, I'll be able to tell by your hip cut and the development level of the muscles in your shoulder blades if you are who you say you are. I won't rate your ability to make out here on Outsports, I'll just let everyone know that you play hard in every endeavor. Be in touch my friend, it's the least I can do!

So what's his motivation if he's lying? He's not trolling. He's not claiming to be a star in the NHL, or telling outlandish tales of the players he's bedded. There seems to be no way for him to make money off of this (unlike, say, the Out magazine editor and his baseball-player boyfriend story, which some people think was just to push magazine sales).

BostonBruinsFan, As a Canadian living in Ontario, I just wanted to provide some background info for you...

Many people from Northern Ontario have French Canadian heritage. Even if this is not the case, French is taught at school, and some English Canadians retain some of it and are bilingual. They would not have any trouble living or playing hockey in the province of Quebec. (For example, Sidney Crosby played major juniors for the Rimouski Océanic in the QMJHL, and he came from Nova Scotia!)

In terms of moving a great distance... Great distance is a relative term in Canada. Winnipeg is one of the closer Canadian cities to Northern Ontario (I usually lump Northern Ontario to include Thunder Bay, Sault Ste Marie, Timmins, and Sudbury, and any and all towns in between.) If you look on a map, depending on which part of Northern Ontario you are from, other potential cities to move to are Ottawa, Toronto and Montreal.

Blue Line, I am glad that you have chosen to share your story with us. I hope you continue to use this discussion board to sort out your thoughts. Maybe one day, you'll let us know who you are.

In all seriousness, I don't think it matters what BlueLine does for a living. He's dealing with coming out and he chose this community space to discuss his feelings about it. That should tell you something. If I played hockey and were in the closet, I wouldn't even post on Outsports that I played hockey. I'd say I played baseball or football and offer the same feelings behind it and I might even change my gender and say I'm a lesbian. What matters to me is that this guy or gal came here for support and advice, not to be questioned about the validity of their athletic affiliation. And if someone is tired of responding to coming out questions, don't respond. It's pretty simple. I personally, think those who've come out owe it to those who are struggling to offer support, but that is my opinion. Just coming to this website is a big deal, as some who are out don't even do it at work. Posting that you need support is a big deal when you may or may not have even acknowledged within yourself that you are gay. I just hope that we remain a space where all voices can be heard and those newer to the experience won't feel shut down or attacked. I hope you continue to post Blue!

Every time we have had an athlete post here, someone posts an "I smell BS" comment. So far, ALL of the athletes have proven legit. Remember how many people doubted Frustrated Coach existed?

I welcome our hockey player here and hope he keeps us informed and that this forum can provide him some sort of outlet.

Blue Line, welcome to Outsports. I'm glad you decided to share your story on the site. Don't let the naysayers and conspiracy theorists get you down.

I would like to make a suggestion. Why make a big deal about coming out at all? Why not just live your life, and instead of keeping up appearances, follow your innate desires (which would be men)?

Think about it...if gay athletes stopped making such a big deal about their homosexuality, then it wouldn't be such a hot issue. When gay athletes come out, there's the media circus, and then the court of public opinion convenes, etc. I feel that if athletes avoid the circus, then in a few years, it will no longer be an issue. Gays want to be treated like everyone else. If you want to join the mainstream, don't make an issue of your sexuality. I'm not saying to hide it, but don't flaunt it either. Just live like a mature, respectful, and productive member of society. Play your sport to the best of your ability and have your peers respect you for your skill, not for who you bang at night.

Is my idea so off-the-wall? Whether you come out publicly or privately, you may face the wrath of management and other players. My thought is if you do it privately, you can avoid most of the craziness. And if you need any help or advice, my mailbox is always open. Take care, and good luck.


Kurt

http://www.komets.com/

Wow! That took lots of guts. I applaud you blue line since initially you were trying to hide your identity.

Blue Line, while I respect your courage, you should probably make sure to tell your teammates (or at least ONE teammate, or a coach or something) before telling us... I mean, this is the forum that someone trying to out an athlete would search.

Good luck to you, and let us know how it goes.

Badger, I am not sure that Blue Line is really risking anything by posting a link to a team with several players listed on the page. He did say that he changed a lot of his information. I usually wait until Jedi Master Jim or Padawan Cyd confirms that someone is officially out before I accept/assume that they are out. Hopefully it'll be a great story to bring in the new year. I did feel a bit inspired from the post though and plan to come out to some of my extended family who've long maintained my open secret. LOL.

P.S. - If you guys have too much time on your hands like me for the next few days there are some cool ice fights sponsored by Komets' players on YouTube. My cousin used to go to Komets' games back in the day and so it was cool to think that even in a Midwestern city like Fort Wayne there is potentially someone who is down for the homo show doing their thing. Hopefully people will continue to be uplifted.

Damn man, I edited out a lot of the shit I've posted on here that even vaguely pertained to the area of the country that I'm in as well as, um, "modifying" information about my school after posting too much info when I was drunk a few times =P. Anyway, you got some balls if that's the team you play for. Granted, i took a quick look at the roster and theres 7 defensive players on it, so it in no way gives away who you are, especially if you haven't been completely truthful about all your information (A good idea as long as the essence of a story is true). Plus, as an enforcer, I can't figure out if you'd have a lot of penalty minutes or only a moderate amount, since with my limited knowledge of hockey, I know enforcers get into fights and get a lot of penalties. The thing that makes me think though is that I always thought enforcers don't play as many minutes as other guys. If thats the case, you might not have as many opportunities to get penalties. So either you play a lot and sit in the box after delivering an ass-kicking, or play a moderate amount and spend just as much time in the penalty box as you do on the ice. All the theories I have that could narrow down who you are get bogged down in shit like that (I was only checking, cause if I thought I could figure out who you were, I'd let you know so that if I was correct, you could edit what you wrote if you wanted. Aint no intention of outing a fellow athlete on my part). Anyway, I'm drunk, since I got the house to myself for a day and I aint wasting it by being sober, and this is just some drunken rambling that likely makes no logical sense, but the nice red lines under incorrectly spelled words while you compose a post at least let me go back and make sure its correctly spelled illogical bullshit.

Oh yea, you're absolutely right, Canada kicks some major ass! I'm drinking some Molson XXX that I picked up on sale, and that shit is highly alcoholic and tastes a lot better than most macrobrews with a pussy amount of alcohol. Once that's done though, I got me some Seagrams V.O. whiskey that I know tastes good. So... Go Canada! And if the Komets are truly the team you play on, Go Komets!

-Matt

Without revealing too much about anything that would exploit my personal identity, or where I sit on the line sheet or the roster, It does feel awful good to be able to reveal a tad about myself and the feelings that I have.

Trust me, Life in Fort Wayne is not much in the way of stimulation. Far from it friends.

As far as the Komets are concerned, I certainly hope I do not bring any discredit to my organization, or my sport.

I think a far better use of time would be to prepare for our game against the Generals.

If there are any trolls looking to exploit me, be my guest for two reasons:

Reason A) My teammates would never believe it (the girl I am dating could start wars).

Reason I have been ambiguous enough (and none of you know what I look like), that you would never be able to pin it on me. Sure you could enlist the FBI and maybe track me, and make my club into a laughing stock if you wanted, but please don't

I already gave up more than I wanted.

Instead of being a naysayer, perhaps "Go Komets" would be a better use of time.

BTW, this changes nothing. I will still get after it just as much as I always have. The corners and the open Ice are still my areas of dominance, and I will hammer away on their first liners til they wear down and make the kind of mistakes that will make them give away the game.

No Rest until I am kissing a Cup!

Trust me Blue Line, if anyone here would be "jerky" enough to do anything to expose you or attempt to discover who you are it would not be looked @ lightly. In fact, I think they'd be chased out of OS. Good luck to you...

The only "issue" I have, of course, is the girlfriend thing. If you do plan to move forward & eventually come out, I say be careful as to not hurt her. In fact, I would suggest that since you're already on the course to deal w/ your sexuality & eventually come out, perhaps it would be best to become single & stay single until you start living your life honestly. Otherwise, you'll have a very hurt & disappointed young lady on your hands. And that isn't cool dude...That's my 2 cents.

Edited for the following:

In fact, if you haven't already done so, I would suggest that you watch the film Brokeback Mountain. It'll give you a pretty good glimpse of what it is like for the individuals who are involved w/ someone who is not only leading a double-life, but quite a honestly, a lie. It sounds brutal, but I hope to save you & your girlfriend lots of future headaches and/or problems...

Other than that, I applaud you for your honesty & progress so far.

Yep, I guess I can say "Go Komets" now that my dearly beloved Elmira Jackals have left the UH...errr.....IHL for the ECHL. Might take a little bit of work....but I'll give it a shot .

I think he was an ass to try and dispute what you had to say... but beyond that, saying something like "leave the hockey to us Canadians" just really sets me off. I've never understood why Canadians have been so damn possessive about the sport. I know if most of your fellow countrymen had their way, there would be no teams in America, not to mention in places like Nashville and Tampa (I'm a big Preds fan)... ahh, this has nothing to do with this topic, does it?

All that being said, don't let anyone try to tell you how this is done. You don't have to go out and tell everyone all at once, so just take it at the pace you want - whatever path you take to accepting yourself is best for you. There's no magic plan to follow. So do what you want... you've got a lot of folks here behind ya.

Before I have to make my way out, I just wanted to comment on the Canadian vs. American thing. Personally, I have nothing against Americans. Sure, we talk shit about you guys alot, but its basically all in fun.

I have many good friends that are Americans. Too many to list actually. We just come from a slightly different train of thought than you guys do, and with difference comes misunderstanding and hostility.

Canada and America have coexisted for the longest time and I certainly do not wish to f**k that up. So if I make comments that may seem anti-American, please brush it off. I really mean no harm. Just trash talk that I have heard a majority of my life that carries over here.

I love my American brothers, but, CANADA IS HOCKEY!

Whatever...you beady eyed, flappy headed Canadian!