My name is Andy Meyer. I'm an ex-wrestler currently writing a paper on homosexuality, homophobia, and misogyny in combat sports for a seminar with Maureen Sullivan at Wesleyan. I've found this thread to be very interesting. If you have any incite, or advice for my paper, beyond what is already posted, please either respond to this post or e-mail me at abmeyer@wesleyan.edu

Thank you,
Andrew

dude-I love your posts!

Thanks man. Well, I'm leaving school tomorrow. That way I don't fail out, and can wrestle next year because my GPA won't be abysmal. I've already talked to one coach, and he was excited at the possibility of my attending his school next year. Hopefully things work out well. I've been relatively sober for the past week, only 6 total drinks. Granted, I got an eighth of weed and smoked it, but I cut out drinking and limited myself to using tobacco 3 times a day. I'm getting ready to be an athlete again. There may be an update soon, maybe not. I don't f**king know whats going on anymore. I hope my parents won't kill me. Leavin school is going to suck big time though, since I've met enough guys here that I can have sex whenever I want it - 4 times this week =D.

-Matt

I wish you the best Matt! Please keep us updated on what is happening with you!! Please be safe!

In a few short months we've seen Matt graduate from the closet and begin to live his own life. I'm starting to tear up...congrats Matt, you are well on your way!

This isnt living its growing into a problem my dear freind and you know its not going to get better unless you take care of yourself. Some people might say that coming out is to be free and to be yourself, but drinking and doing drugs although fun can just be masking your other issues. I went to my old High school this weekend for the first time in about 3 years and while i was there i gave a talk to a group of kids and told them that this coming weekend i was hitting the first leg in the olympic trials adn that i was also gay. I told the story ( the True story) of how my life went from a promising carrer in politics to party central. Its a hard to make that u- turn in life when things appear to be so good for you. Stress is up so you dring, you buy a log of chew to save money, you think a little weed some adderal, and Cocaine will help the night go faster and a fith of jack to pass it around is going to make you the life of the party and the guy you once were. Well let me tell you its not and if you dont snap things in the butt right now then you might ended up never wrestling again or even worse falling short because you could rebound. Remember if you run from your problems in one spot just think you have to start all over again in another and this time you dont have the love of friendship to bind you to others all you have is you and to be alone on a college campus and to play a sport where people will judge you its not easy.
I might sound like an ass but only a few people in this world know what its like to be a wrestler and gay. Its not like people who pick it up late in life although i have great respect for them, People who grow up in the sport and are willing to put everything they are on the line in mind, body, soul, spirtit and blood. The faternity of wrestling is one where if you fall people may talk about you but its there right to do so and they will defend you no matter how messed up they think you are because you are family to them. if you ever need anything look to those who love you first dont find the comfort in sex because that person may not love you as much as you think.
Sex is a game to some people and they are content with that as i know i was at one point, but you must know that your growing in your soul and that your steps in life should be about yourself first and others second. You cant bring just you dick to the table because as you know it gets old real quick.
If you ever need anything just holla at me hell last time you posted you said you were a HWT now i could always you a throwing partner.

When I said living, I meant making decisions for himself and not hiding the fact that he is gay and therefore carrying a lot of anger and self hatred which often leads to drug abuse, violence and sex addiction.

To me coming out to yourself is the first step toward creating a healthy life; and from what Matt wrote it seems like he is leaving school in order to get his life together some and come back stronger in order to wrestle and keep his grades up. The fraternal bonds of collegiate wrestling won't be possible if he isn't academically eligible.

I don't think you have to be a gay wrestler to understand self hatred or the perils of drugs and alcohol in the gay community. And the amount of booze you drink, weed you smoke, chew you dip, or penis you suck is only out of control when it's out of control for you. I didn't read Matt say he did cocaine. Some people never smoke weed. But I live in California and they sell weed via prescription in stores. Some people are virgins until they get married, others could star in a porn version of Shakespeare's Macbeth and be labeled as amongst the best of the cockthroaters. I actually read where Matt said he cut down on his drinking and is trying to turn a corner so that he can wrestle again. He isn't staying in school just to score some cheap sex, he's actually doing what is best for him by leaving that behind and getting ready for what lies ahead. That is why I chose to say that I am proud of where is now, because I have watched where he's come from, and I hold out the best of hope for where he will eventually be.

I take a very strong stance on the idea of leaving school for one reason or another and i know the NCAA rules and regulations via sports seeing as i have had to deal with it for the past 7 years. Every year something changes and if your in a sport at the D1 level your clock starts when you start classes and ends 6 years later no matter what! while if you go D2 or D3 you live by the semester rule where you have 10 semester to compete no matter how many years you spend in and out of the class room. My hope for matt is that he has all the facts when thinking about what he wants to do.
I think it is a very diffrent world when in the gay community when people find themselves diffrent from those in the gay community. Think about it have you ever spent alot of time around wrestlers or boxers, football players, Baseball. All these groups have an idea of the way you carry your self and although people dont always fallow a sterio type many would much rather fit in. In Gay community people get into drugs, sex, and other things but yet they still have people to look to for help or a "gay guide" while others in sport find themselves alone if you live in a area where people arent open. I think a Person should be open and happy with who they are but its important that you trust in those who are around you and love you. So your gay wow great now what? who will be there for the man when he is sad that he didnt make weight? will u? who will help push him when his mind and body are breaking and he cant take one more step? will u? See its nice to give a person the gay support but the man needs to know that those people who really understand him have been through the fires and have come out ok.
I dont want to say non wrestlers arent able to help Matt, but hell i would expect a vollyball player to help a fellow volleyball player because they share that common bond. no matter what sex, race, religion they might be. I found it easy to talk to my friends and family once i got over the gay thing, its not that big of a deal, its not that big of a deal! Think back to your coming out and how you felt was it easy or was it hard because you didnt want the world to judge you? now did you play a sport where Fags are talked about and beat up in the locker room hell, did you play a sport where a fight broke out everyday and blood was common? see these things unite people just ask yourself where life takes you. I know that Drugs can affect everyone. People all have a personal Bottom but if life has shown me anything is that sometimes you can stop from reaching the bottom if you put a hand out to pull someone back up. Living isnt about who you sleep with its about waking up and knowing you dont regreat what you did yesterday. Its about living and loving who you are each and every minute of everyday.
I read what Matt writes and i see a little of myself in him i know what its like to become a whore with the ladies to play the game. I know what its like to fall behind in class because of sports and then try to play the make up game. I know its like to sit down with your coach and tell him " I am Gay" i had to do it more than once. I know what its like to drink untill the sun comes up and then go to class like everything is ok. why? Because i have been there and done that and if someone would have shared with me a little fact that its ok not to be scared then maybe i would have never transfered schools because i was scared. I said it was because i didnt want to fail out,yet i knew that it was because i was scared. Maybe after everything i write it dosent even relate to Matt but guess what it could help some other 17 year old Supper jock who has dreams of playing in the Pros or becoming a Wrestler in the London games in 2012 well they should know they are not alone in this world.
I will say that here in My home town we dont have alot of weed! This is a Cocain area alot of rich kids with money to burn and i guess the tree isnt that easy to find!

Greco, I hope that Matt takes your comments to heart. I was a little concerned that he left school also! I know that it is harder and harder to get back into the class room the more time you stay away from it. It is better to hear from someone who has been in his situation! Good luck in the olympic trials!

Greco, my words were not meant to attack you or your support for Matt. If you feel that you have a special understanding of the situation then how it plays out is between you and Matt. But your connection does not negate other people's opinions. If I told you that I used to drink Smirnoff and OJ at breakfast because I hated myself would that make a difference? If I said that I had a friend who was an athlete who committed suicide because they were gay and writing to Matt and encouraging him was a way for me to feel better about not being able to help my friend, does that mean I can respond? Does playing soccer and hearing people call each other faggot and having to act like it doesn't matter count? I don't man. You can say it all does or it all doesn't.

I think what's most important is that regardless of the level of support, Matt knows that he has people here for him. If he decides to wrestle for the next ten years or quit tomorrow. If he drinks like a fish or goes sober. I see your angle on regret but I know for me, no one could stop my drinking but me. Not my Dad or Mom, my sister or boyfriend. I had to choose when enough was enough and how I was going to move forward.

I'm starting to feel a little awkward having this discussion about Matt like he's not here or can't read this so...I send everyone on this thread warm hugs and hope you have awesome weekends.

I am sorry but i think that this isnt just for one person on here. I was alone and i drank like no other but its part of the enviorment i was in as well wrestlers and football players have always tried to out drink each other and i know wrestlers win in that area becasue hell they are angry little guys. This board isnt about one person its about maybe connecting to someone not talking. I just use the person who is in need to speak to first, but over all i am not catching emotions. I think its good people can disagree! I see that First people should look after the ones who can really be there for someone. When your a kid and you move you have to start all over making friends and when you do so you leave out stuff that you may not like to tell people. then as time goes by that stuff comes out and your back to having to tell the same stories of what happen and why. to me it makes no diffrence how many times or ways i tell the story i just know i have to tell it, i hope that you understand when i say sometimes you leave a place thinking you dont have to tell the story again but one way or another it comes up and when it does make sure that you have the people who love you around because then they know how that other person may be going through and what the process will be from here.
I really am sorry to all i just have this place in my heart that says drinking isnt the answer and that life is better when you can feel the pain and frow from it because you know its real.

Also i have been cutting weight this whole week and if you ever had to cut weight you tend to act like your giving birth for the first time. Your never happy and all you can think about is food and everyone is just working your last never. Sorry guys its been a long year but this weekend i will be on the mats so its yea

Hey y'all. I haven't really had a chance to sit down at my computer since I've been home, since its out in the open and my mom could walk by as I'm on it. Since she don't know I'm gay, that would be bad. Anyway, been sober since I've been home, and I contacted a coach I know to see if he can pull any strings for me. I'll read your posts in depth tomorrow, I think my parents are going gambling, so I should have the house to myself for at least a little bit. Oh, and my body aches like I was just beaten with a baseball bat... I started running for the first time in God knows how long, and I was still able to do 3 miles in 25 minutes, but I'm paying the price now, especially because I'm lifting as well.

Shit, this whole 'sober' thing sucks... but I hear that after a month, it starts to become enjoyable! Here's hoping for that.

Anyway, thanks for the comments, I'll try to respnd coherently tomorrow. Right now, even though my parents are asleep, I can't really think straight because I took an Ambien(prescrbed to me) and have reached the point where I keep catching myself about to nod off.

-Matt

Glad to hear your taking care of yourself and that your getting back into the swing of things. Wow i didnt know you hadnt told your parents yet, man i cant even imagin what thats like i had to come out to them before i came out to my team. Its was easier with mom in my corner when i came out to the coach knowing she would have roughed him p if he ever said anything. Anyway i hope you find someone you trust to help you with that. Also keep up the work on the mat its a long summer and just staying active with it will keep your mat time going. Timing on the mat is everything even when your out of shape you can feel and know where you are and what you need to do to win. If you need to find a good school hit me up and i can make a few calls to find out what schools are looking for 197 and Hwts. Good luck!

Ok, my parents are finally sound asleep. Figured I'd post thwat was on my mind.

Well, I told my high school coach, and made thwe case that I was a aggoood person and whe ddint' care. In fact, he was relieved, because hje thougth I had gootenm f**ked up from drugs.Told a few other random people as well. everyonr'ds cool wioth it; maybe its necause people are scared of me buT< hey, thats how shitr is. I'm drunk out of my m,inmd anmd haven'tmtaken no ritalin, so thats all for now. have some interestuiwng stiuff to post. if i ever get around to it.

peace

What's up Matty,

Good to hear that you are still in motion in regard to coming out to those you trust and just enjoying life man. Keep up updated on your safe adventures.

Here I was, thinking you were typing in the dark.

Hey, sorry I haven't been on in a while, but I hate going on this site while my parents are home, and they never leave the goddamn house. Anyway, I'm in contact with two schools who are interested in me for their wrestling teams. My parents didn't take me leaving school badly at all. Things have been going relatively well. Thats it I guess, I'm tired and going to bed, but I figured I should get on here, since y'all have been great to me, and a lot of people have read my posts, so I guess I kind of owe you guys an update. Well, my sister just graduated school, so I have to go to sleep so I can be ready for the big party tomorrow. Wish me luck on the slot machines, I'll need it.

Peace

Hi Matt and everyone else – I have been reading your posts. And I wanna share something of mine too. I really don’t know how to start this. I guess, I will start anyways. I am a guy with a lot of things that I cant to talk to a lot of people about. To everyone I have always been the dude with “THE HOTTEST AND MOST POPULAR” tag. But in this blog I want to introduce another part of me too. The part that I have been all the while I was the popular dude at school and now in college………I am gay.

I am the dude with the not –so-popular secret. Its funny how everyone wants to be best friends with me and talk to me - but somehow I have no one to talk to about a very real part of me. Im not even sure if they will listen when I say it. So I decided to write down everything I feel and experiences I have had - things I can tell nobody personally.

I am not ashamed of being gay. But I know that once I tell people it will make it bigger than I am. Being gay is a part of me – it is not me. It only a part of me.

I have worked very hard to be where I am in life today. I have achieved a lot in my career which I started professionally while I was in high school. I have been hailed and got a lot of praise for it (I dont want to reveal the career at the moment). So much being in stake - I have no intention of coming out right now. Then there is family. My parents whom I love a lot - my family's status in society and my goals in life which are associated with my career.

But what I want to do is start a talk with other guys who are in the same position as me as well as everyone else. I am sure there are other jocks, homecoming kings, Mr Populars of their schools or colleges and even people who work in the public eye like sportstars, actors, directors, musicians, singers, directors who are in the same position and have no one to talk to. Please feel free to contact me in anyways possible. I will be making an aim and msn too. For now please feel free to email me at secretblogin@gmail.com.

The link to my blog is this www.apopulardudessecretlife.blogspot.com

Read on guys. And give me comments, dude.