I need some wisdon from this esteemed group.

One of my friends has been in a relationship for 5 years. My friend is out of town at a conference and his partner is here. I was perusing Manhunt and saw my friend's partner's profile as on line at the time. The text of his message was really very non specific. I had seen his profile on line about a month ago but didn't say anything then.

Early in their relationship, this had been an issue but seemed to be resolved.

I can't imagine why someone would be on Manhunt while their partner was out of town to join a book discussion group.

So do I shut up and just mind my own business which is always a challenge? Do I tell my friend? Do I confront his partner seperately? Inquiring minds want to know.

You are making the jump (and not an unreasonable one) that your friend's partner is on-line to hook up rather than peruse profiles. I would stay out of it.

Oh this is a tricky topic. If your friend finds out that you knew then you're gonna be in deep shit if you say zilch to him. On the other hand if you get involved w/ the situation you may just end up being a meddler & lose both of their friendships. I once read one of those Dear Abby type of columns & it basically said that there are two options:

1. Let your friend's bf know that you've seen his profile on Manhunt & that you know that your friend wouldn't be happy to know that this issue wasn't really resolved. & that if your friend asks if you know anything about it you're gonna answer honestly. Basically this is an indirect way of saying "either clean up your act or my friend's gonna find out what you're doin."

2. If you decide not to say anything to either of them then make sure that if they break up you play innocent: "I didn't know." Cuz otherwise your friend will be quite angry.

On a side note, if they had agreed to have an open relationship then, yeah, I'd say butt out. But based on your post this was obviously a thorny issue for them & they came to an "agreement" that it would stop, no?

Good luck.

SCTRojan's option 1 is the best choice, if you decide to get involved. But be prepared for the possibility that the boyfriend may try to poison your relationship with your friend.

Your best option may be to stay out of it. As SCTrojan suggested, they might have an open relationship. I doubt, though, that he's just perusing profiles!

Not to add to your tough predicament, but does the boyfriend say on his profile that he practices safe sex? If he is not, Option 1 is the choice.

Would you want to be told? How well do you know your friend? How would he handle it, if you told him? How did he handle his earlier difficulties in the relationship?

Good Luck!

Just stay out of it, no one ever thanks the messenger of bad tidings.

I would only ever say something if it appeared that the boyfriend was trolling manhunt looking for unsafe sex and that it was putting your friend's own health or safety in jeopardy. Otherwise, I would stay silent.

An honest question: How would he know if he was having unsafe sex or not just by a Manhunt ad? People say one thing in an ad & practice quite another in the midst of a hawt hookup. I would just assume the worse that he prolly is & that his friend is in danger. Just sayin...

Stay out of it.
Nothing good ever comes from getting involved in other people's problems.

The consensus is "stay out of it". I have to agree. But I can understand your dilemma Burtsfield. However, I would certainly play "dumb" if your friend asks if you knew.