I used to be a frequent visitor to the site until one day life took over and I got busy, but logging on was like coming home a little bit.
Just before Christmas I fell and fractured my ankle in 3 places. Nothing dramatic was going on, just outside shoveling out of 2 feet of snow. As I moved through the days to recovery, I came to some revelations about my life and how lonely I am. All my life I knew I was gay but struggled with it, bullied and teased throughout school I constantly found myself following the path to please others and by doing so, found some happiness in making others happy. During college I found my wife, a wonderful woman who saw me as just me and we fell in love. I fell easily in the roll of a "straight man" and became the best husband and father I could be. About 7 years ago I came out to my wife, but as we worked through things I knew I loved being a father too much and would do nothing to hurt my children, including leaving them. I closed the door again on my "gay life" and continued to do the right thing by them. However in doing so I have shut the door on almost everything else, most of the time I don’t really notice it, but after this setback, I have started to think about a lot of things. It wasn’t until one day just after Christmas I sat in the living room and found an old movie about a group of gay men. I sat and watched it and was moved to my very core. I made choices in life, good or bad choices that I certainly take full responsibility for, but at the same time I am sick of being alone. How does a person like me make friends? I would love nothing more than to have a friend I can be true with, who gets it but doesn’t want anything more than a friendship. Can that ever happen without being judged as a fool for being the person I am for the choices I made? I love my family and live for them, but at the same time I long for that friend who gets it, doesn’t question it, but all they want to do is be a friend. When my life stopped and the “norm” was suddenly changed, it gave me a wakeup call. So I am here to maybe strike up a conversation and help guide me to some sort of an answer.

Certainly you can become friends with other gay and gay-positive people.

You should discuss this with your wife, and there's no reason why these activities can't be open to her or include her. For example, you could volunteer for an activity (an AIDS fundraiser, for example, or a gay film festival), or join a group (book club) or sports (gay tennis), or join a gay-positive church group, or attend a PFLAG meeting (you could do any of these yourself, or together). Attend films and theatre, lectures and speaking engagements that include a gay theme, and you will find yourself in a crowd of gay and gay-positive people. Eventually you will find people with common interests and may become friends with them. Some may be gay and some not, but meeting people in gay-positive environments will mean they will likely be more accepting of your situation. For example, at the gym I go to (the downtown YMCA, which has a fairly large LGBT membership) I've overheard more than one conversation at the gym involving an older man (usually) talking to a woman (usually) about visiting his ex-wife and children. This man is gay, and his friend at the gym is straight, and he clearly has good relations with his children and former wife. So, people in your situation are not uncommon; you just need to put yourself out there to find them, and others who will accept you as you are.

Welcome back tennisforme! I think that Canmark gave you some great advice! I hope your ankle is doing better!

I was in the same position ... gay, married with kids, and committed to fatherhood and my wedding vows. I'm divorced now for reasons largely unrelated to my sexuality. Out now, more or less, for 10 years. I have never been judged for my background by other gay men. I have been mildly pressured now and then to be more out (which doesn't really suit me), and I just ignore it. I accept the realistic limitations as to my relationship with the "gay community."

Be aware that by exploring friendships with other gay men you will be tempted (and likely pressured) to go beyond simple friendship. You will also probably feel more strongly pulled in two different directions rather than less so. And your wife will likely become concerned that you will leave her.

I would suggest, from experience, that you take it slow and that you give a lot of thought to what your real intentions and goals are as you go along.

I think in a strange sort of way,this is a little too much like "having your cake and eating it,too" What would you really gain from this friendship if one of the major traits you have in common continues to be stagnated?
You might as well keep the friends you already have and continue to deny yourself because it sounds like you will never really be comfortable with who you are. Yes, misery loves company but what kind of friendship is based on comiserating? Maybe it's time to talk to therapist.

Thanks guys! After some time away I realized I may just be lonely, the days are long and not much around me to stop me from thinking. I realized I have spent so much time just being the best person I can be to those that I love, I lost out on making friends. I have many women as friends but that can get complicated with a wife and family, they can not just pop in for a beer and a chat and I wouldn't expect them too.

Maybe I am just afraid to make a guy friend in case they suspect I am hitting on them. I don't want to do that, that is not my style or desire. I just wished that while I sit in my living room waiting for time to go by, that friend that I find so hard to find, knock on the door just to hang out for a bit. Swap some laughs etc....

Not too sure what my cake and eat it too would be in any situation. My cake is my life, eating it too would be sharing that with a friend or too. But thanks for the comments they do help.