This was sent to me by a friend - not sure what the original source is. Note: IT'S A JOKE!!!


STEINBRENNER BUYS FENWAY PARK

Homeless Red Sox Cry Foul

George Steinbrenner's buying spree continued unabated today as the New York Yankees owner purchased Fenway Park, the legendary home of the
arch-rival Boston Red Sox.

In buying Fenway out from under the Sox, Mr. Steinbrenner has left his Eastern Division rivals without a stadium for the first time in their
history, jeopardizing the Red Sox' bid for the American League pennant.

"It is hard to win a championship without pitching or hitting," said David Hastings, a sports historian at the University of Minnesota. "But it is virtually impossible to win without a stadium."

Red Sox owner John Henry, who spent most of the day scrambling to find a high school sandlot where his team might play the 2004 season, held an emotional press conference in Boston to denounce the big-spending Yankee honcho.

"Damn you, George Steinbrenner, damn you!" swore Mr. Henry, shaking his fist violently.

But Mr. Steinbrenner's shopping day had barely begun, as he went on to outbid the Walt Disney Company for the legendary puppet characters, the
Muppets.

While Mr. Steinbrenner did not indicate what role the Muppet characters might play in the Yankee organization, his aggressive purchase of Kermit, Miss Piggy et al reinforced the impression in baseball circles that the Yankee owner is willing to buy anything that is not nailed down.

Having assumed the $250 million contract of third baseman Alex Rodriguez, however, Mr. Steinbrenner acknowledged that he might have to economize by outsourcing second base to India.

In other baseball news, North Korea's Kim Jung-Il revealed that he attempted to acquire A-Rod until he was told that A-Rod was not a piece
of nuclear fuel.

It's from a bloggish/satirical kind of site, the Borowitz Report. More breaking news, Nader Endorses Nader: "While many political observers had expected Mr. Nader to obtain the coveted Nader endorsement, getting the nod from Mr. Nader gives Mr. Nader’s campaign the credibility it has been seeking." LOL!

I first saw this on yankees.com:


In reaction to the A-Rod trade to the Yankees and repeated references to their "magical" run of AL East titles, the Massachusetts legislature has declared all Yankees players 'witches' subject to public burning at the stake on their first visit to the state this year.

Derek Jeter, though obviously not relishing the idea of fiery death, was somewhat philosophical; "It's unfortunate but sometimes a team has to pass through these things to become better. I think that even as a pile of ashes we stack up pretty well with the Red Sox."

Blue Jay and Oriole players seemed to see it as an opportunity. Says Sidney Ponson, "Well, the Red Sox have to lose to someone, it may as well be us."

The case has led to a more general discussion on the use of witchcraft in baseball. Jason Giambi: "I personally have never seen any such thing but then how else can you explain Bill Mueller? For me, I don't need it. There are better ways to improve performance."

Yankee owner George Steinbrenner typically espoused an offense-first strategy, thinking that the Red Sox could be outlawed as environmental pollutants on visiting the Big Apple: "If we ban smoking here, why not the Red Sox? They've been stinking this place up for years".

The use of such draconian measures did not seem to elicit much sympathy from Boston's fans, such as Bill Simmons: "The Yankees suck. Their fans suck too. Burn, burn, burn."