... leads to some great (and not-so-great) sports jokes:
Letterman: "I had a lousy weekend. Here's what happened: I bet on Tyson, I bet on the Nets, I bet on a Kennedy cousin acquittal, horrible. ... How about those New Jersey Nets? I don't want to be pessimistic, but you know no team has ever come back to win after losing four straight. ...
I don't know if this is joke, but I'm walking to work and a street vendor is selling something called 'War Emblem kabobs'. ...
Leno: "It was so hot today that I was sweating like R. Kelly at a Chuck E.Cheese. It was so hot I was sweating like a Nets fan with tickets to Game 5. ...
On Saturday night, Mike Tyson got knocked out. He got beat so bad he may have to go back to fighting women. I think Paula Jones put up a better fight against Tonya Harding. He got beat up pretty bad. His eyes were both blackened, his lips were bleeding, he looked like he had been on a date with himself. ...
There were massive riots in Russia over the weekend after their soccer team lost to Japan in the World Cup. Actually, it was pretty embarrassing for the Russian government. I guess the soccer fans had to break into three stores before they found anything worth looting. ...
... and Letterman's Top Ten Mike Tyson Excuses:
10. Thought it was best-of-seven like the NBA finals.
9. The referee was clearly biased in favor of the guy who wasn't all bloody.
8. How am I supposed to beat up some dude from outer space?
7. NPR's piece on boxing made him think twice about morality of his sport.
6. Was confused -- showed up expecting to fight Jerry Lewis.
5. Was eager to see if extra-strength Excedrin really does relieve headache pain quicker than the leading brand
4. Let the Brit win in honor of Queen Elizabeth's 50 great years on the throne.
3. Has been too focused lately on World Cup soccer to train.
2. He was an emotional wreck after seeing "Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood."
1. Couldn't get mouth piece out quickly enough to bite him.